


What They Grew To Be

by Charlie9646



Series: What someone is born [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Child Abuse, Death Eater Lily Evans, Domestic Violence, F/M, First Time, Good Severus Snape, Grey Albus Dumbledore, Grey elder Potters, Lily isn't "sweet", M/M, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Out of Character, Pregnancy, Purebloods are mostly grey with some who are dark, Slytherin Lily Evans Potter, Teen Pregnancy, Trans Severus Snape, Trans Sirius Black, Transgender, Underage Handjobs, Young Severus Snape, only a hint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 15:11:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 55,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20623106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646
Summary: “It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.”Hermione’s nook love for all festMost transgender children in the wizarding world take potions for a few years, some spell work and then they pass like cis children.Severus Snape is not one of these lucky children. Born a halfblood in the muggle world, with a bigoted muggle father, and a witch of a mother too afraid to cross him?He’s cursed in a sense. He’s the outsider. The other in a world where he should be accepted. Potions can only do so much if you miss the time slot for their opinion perfection.But James Potter can’t help himself. There is something about this Slytherin that draws him in. One night alone changes their lives forever. And nearly pushes Severus over the edge.But with James’s help, magic and money can Severus grow to be something more? Something that he himself can look in the mirror and love?First you must love yourself before you can truly accept the love of another.Major or more like semi major character in this story not in the canon.





	1. Chapter 1

Severus Snape knew there were two things different about him from three years old. First? He was a wizard. Second? He was born in the wrong body. He was born Selena Eileen Snape. He hated that name. It made him sick to hear it, the only thing worse? Was his parents called him she, her, and hers.  
At four he told his mother. She said it was rather common in the wizarding world. That there were potions and most of all? They were free from the ministry.

His joy ended the moment his father came home. His mother tried to explain it, to get him to understand. Instead of understanding? His father lost it. Screaming, hollering, pushing Severus and then kicking him in the ribs “you wanna be a boy, girl? Your nothing but a freak like your stupid mother.”

Severus ran as fast as he could up the stairs when his father turned on his mother. He would be forever haunted by the sounds of her screams.  
The next morning Eileen Snape was covered in blue, purple and black bruises. She stared at her hands as she cooked breakfast. She called the scared little boy sitting at her table Selena, told her to go take a bath, and put on a dress.  
Severus and son were not mentioned for another five years and that was to a little girl from the right side of the tracks.  
As he grew his mother convinced his father there was no need to spend money on dresses. When their child was just going to grow out of them. A neighbor boy was just older than Selena and his mother always willing to trade the patchwork mended clothing for next to nothing. A few eggs got enough clothing for the year. Considering they were from the youngest son of six and had been passed down to all six before becoming Selena’s.  
When Severus met Lily it was like his world had opened up. First she was the only witch or wizard he had ever met besides his mother and himself. She did not care that his clothes were nearly from the trash bin, she did not care that baths made him want to rip off his own skin, so he only took them once a week. And most of all she called him Severus like he asked!

And to get all of this? He just had to teach her about magic. When she asked about what Slytherins thought of Muggleborns he lied. Promising himself that they would let Lily in or he would force the hat to change its mind about where to place him if it dared to suggest Slytherin. His own mother forced the issue, she was supposed to be in Hufflepuff but argued with the hat for three whole minutes before it relented.  
Lily was his best friend, and they would not be separated not even by magic itself.  
They were a few days from going to Hogwarts when he told Lily everything. Told her that there were potions that could make him a proper boy, and he would get them once he started Hogwarts. But most of all he told her he liked boys.

And then she hugged him, her answer? “Severus I have known for a while. Remember when my mom took us swimming? And you wore that long sleeve shirt? And you're really worn out shorts? When you were changing I accidentally walked in. I didn’t say anything because it’s not my place. And you're my best friend. I knew when you were ready you would tell me. Nothing Severus Snape is going to change that I love you. You're the brother I never had.” And with that, she kissed his forehead.  
“Your letter came to you with the right name right? Mum can talk to them and correct them if it didn’t, you know that? We don’t even have to tell her why it’s wrong, though I doubt she would care. Uncle Charlie is gay after all and he’s her favorite brother.”

Severus laughed as he laid back in the grass, “he’s her only brother if I remember correctly”. Lily poked him in the ribs. “That’s the Sev I know and love.”

Part of Severus wished he wasn’t gay, that he and Lily would grow up and fall in love and have babies. Like any other typical witch and wizard. But right now Severus wasn’t totally a wizard and he surely wasn’t a witch. And the idea of kissing Lily sounded so gross. She was his sister, his friend, his best friend. His only friend. But as much as he wished to like her that way he just couldn’t make it so.

He knew one day, one day very soon he would have to share his Lily with others. She was like the sun, shining on everything and Severus was like a moonless night, something no one wanted.

Severus’s mother had packed his trunk for him. Refusing to allow him to. Insisting all mothers did this for their children when they went to Hogwarts. She knew she was outright lying to him. She hoped Selena would realize that it would be so much easier for her if she just accepted she was born a witch and that was a fact. Nothing could be done about it. The time of change was long gone for her child. She either could be a witch or an outsider for the rest of her life. She could even be a lesbian witch. But life would be so much easier if she would just accept it and moved on.

She packed witch's robes and clothing in the trunk. The muggle clothing was the patched boy’s clothes from the neighbor, but Selena was going to have to face on the Hogwarts express that she was a witch. She was Prince and Prince’s were use to the fact life was hard.  
The disowned granddaughter of Marcus Prince was not going to have an easy life in the wizarding world, but neither would the half-blood daughter of Tobias Snape in the muggle world.

. Lily’s parents had dropped the kids off at the train station, Eileen was too worried her child would check their trunk and explode on them. Selena’s accidentally magic had been strong and sometimes dangerous. Sometimes even striking fear in Tobias, though it simply led to a greater beating to both of them.  
Lily and Severus found a compartment and stored their trunks. They decided to change early because Lily was rather cold, and Sev wanted out of his muggle clothing. An older wizard boy had already sneered at his father’s too big button down, and the jeans with at least ten different patches on them.  
As his pale fingers opened his trunk Severus howled not unlike his father.

The trunk was full of skirts! He felt his magic under his skin and within seconds the skirts were gone without a trace. But now he had nothing but shirts, muggle clothing, a school robe, and dusty cloak. Lily’s small hand rubbed his back as the silent tears fell. He didn’t believe that until this moment his mother actually hated him, there was no way for him to lie to himself anymore. The woman who had given birth to him hated him.

A boy found them like that. Severus crumbled on the floor like a broken doll, and Lily desperate to soothe him. She was now carding her fingers through his long greasy hair. He knew he should have taken a bath last night. But it always left him depressed. Uncomfortable. Dangerously close to doing something unthinkable to himself. Yesterday bathing would of made today so much worse.  


Lily did not seem to mind his dirty hair. He did wash with a washcloth in the sink twice a day. Avoiding his small breasts. Cutting back on food didn’t stop them from growing. And that place between his legs. That horrible place. It wasn’t the best way to bathe, surely those two places and his hair needed to be cleaned, but bathing leads to panic attacks and somethings other thoughts. If only he could bathe with clothes on. Like swimming. That wasn’t too bad as long as he had baggy loose-fitting clothes on.  
If he figured out a way to do that? He might even wash the parts between his legs, not looking at it, with the lights off, not facing the mirror. And his chest. If the rest of him was clean then there had to be too right?

Lily spoke to the black-haired boy, with hazel eyes.  
“Hi my name is Lily, and this is Severus. His mum for whatever reason insisted on packing his trunk but it seems she forgot school pants. You two are about the same size can he borrow a pair of yours? His mum will repay you for them, or get you a new pair when she sends Sev’s.”

That was an outright lie. Severus’s mother was never going to send him trousers. And she surely would never be able to afford to replace this likely pureblood boy’s school trousers. His muggle clothes looked like they cost more than Severus’s father made in a week!

She whispered into Severus’s ear, “my mum can afford to do this, let me explain to her and I know she will help. She loves you Sev, and she understands sort of what you're going through, uncle Charlie was disowned by their parents when he was 15 and kicked out. She was older and let him stay with her. All I have to say is your mum thought she would make more money this month, and that your trousers are the wrong size. We blame it on the fact you grew. Since your always growing so darn much. And that this nice boy let you borrow a pair of his.”

The other boy likely was wondering what in Merlin’s name they were talking about. Though he didn’t seem impatient and was staring at Severus.

Severus nodded at Lily and took the trousers from the other boy. Who grabbed his hand as he handed him said item. “My name is James Potter, btw the way. And if you don’t mind me suggesting there is a potion that might be able to help your hair be less oily. My cousin has that problem, his mom’s from India and he seemed to end up with hair even oilier than yours.”

“What is it?” Said Severus knowing there was no way he could afford it, and even if he could proper showering daily or even every other day, would leave his hair soft and sleek. When he was forced by his mother to bathe nightly it had been. Back when she loved him. Back before that night.

James told him the product, it was actually something rather simple, Severus could likely make himself, but again proper showering was likely a better fix.

Severus’s cheeks turned pink when James smiled at him. No Potter was out of his league. And Severus was nothing more than a greasy half-blood, from the dirty side of Cokeworth. Severus grabbed the other clothes he needed to get dressed. He stripped naked once in the bathroom, using the hand soap to scrub at his skin. He needed to be clean. He was dirty, gross, a freak among freaks.

When he got back to Lily she was already changed. James and two other boys were in the compartment. One looked worn down with scars on his hands, he had sandy brown hair and golden colored eyes. The other looked happy with his grey eyes and wavy black hair. About the same length as Severus’s. Though his hair looked far nicer than Sev’s would ever be.

*************************

  
James realized in that moment just how thin Severus was, the borrowed trousers were huge on him. Though his legs were long. As long as James's. He wasn’t exactly handsome, but he was interesting. Those raven’s wing black eyes, pale as piano keys skin, soft looking pink lips. If James didn’t know better he would think Severus was a girl. He wasn’t though the way he sat, stood, and carried himself Severus was surely a boy.  
Which James preferred he wasn’t interested in girls. He never had been.

*************************

Lily patted the seat next to her. The other boys sat next to each other in a row. James introduced the black haired teen as Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. Severus said, “I am Severus Snape”.

Sirius spoke, “I heard about you, our mothers were in Slytherin together, your the son of Eileen Prince?”

Severus nodded.

“Your mum married a muggle didn’t she? That still makes my mother spitting mad. She was suppose to marry our uncle, but left the magically world a month before their wedding.”

Severus said nothing he stared at his hands, unwilling to give himself away as the son of a muggle, but also he wasn’t going to deny it. Doing so was stupid when this boy clearly knew more than he did.  
. Lily sniped “there is nothing wrong with muggles, I am a muggleborn and you see nothing wrong with me!”

James spoke next “Lily nothing is wrong with being a muggle or a muggleborn, but it is, however, odd that a witch married a muggle. An old wives tale says doing so means your children are cursed to forever be unhappy.”

Lily stared at the hazel-eyed boy “well that is just stupid. The only difference between muggles and magic folk is, well magic. I am sure there are bad muggles and good muggles. Just as there are bad magic folk and good magic folk. Severus shouldn’t be ashamed of what his parents are he had no more choice in the matter than any of us.”

James nodded, Remus stared out the window, Severus stared at his hands, Lily hugged her friend, and Sirius laughed and said “ I was also told your mother had a daughter, is your older sister a squib or something? Or did you take the set of potions as a kid? If so you're the first person I have met like me. But if that’s the case how did you explain it to muggles?”

Why couldn’t Black of just kept his stupid ignorant pureblood idiot mouth shut! Severus considered running, he considered laughing and saying he didn’t take “the potions” because he was born a boy, he considered saying the rumors weren’t true there was no daughter, but Severus so tired and frustrated and oh so desperately hoping that he found a place that could accept him? He spoke the truth sort of.

He said he was like Sirius, that he too had been born in the wrong body, and that was that. He did not say he would have to actually take the potions once he got to Hogwarts, that wasn’t Black’s business.

James stared at him and then smiled. When the trolley came by he asked Severus was there anything he wanted?  
He didn’t say anything, until Lily poked him hard in the ribs, a little too close to his chest for his liking.

“Um a chocolate frog”.

James nodded and ordered. Once done he handed Severus the chocolate frog and a butter beer.

Lily ordered a pumpkin pastry of some kind, Sirius every flavored beans, and Remus just a butterbeer.

Sirius asked Severus “so let me guess you want to be a Slytherin like your mother?”

“Of course, no Prince has been in any other house.”

“But your not a Prince”

“I am”

“Are not”.

“You don’t know anything about me! You don’t know what I am, you don’t know me!”

“I do know your a whiny halfblooded stinky ass Slytherin. When was the last time you showered greasy? Huh? Cat got your tongue?”

Lily shouted “shut your stupid mouth Sirius, you know nothing about Severus. If anyone smells? If it’s you Sirius. Your from a Slytherin family! Your no better than anyone. No one is better than anyone!”

“Sweetie, the difference I am not going to in Slytherin, and the greasy git is”, Sirius rested his hand on Lily’s face.

“Get your hand off my face, Black, now!” Snarled Lily.

Sirius left the compartment with a huff. Remus made no move to go, too busy reading his book tucking his spindly legs up on the seat. James’s hazel eyes flicked to the door, and back to Severus, back and forth.

Lily snapped “follow him if you want to, just go”.

James spoke “only if Severus wants me to. Do you Severus?”

Severus dared not to speak. But shook his head, and after a second spoke gaining the courage he needed. “I don’t want you to go.”

James pulled Severus into his side nearly tucking the boy into him. Remus moved over to Lily’s side. She smiled at him and started to talk to him about the book he was reading.

Severus shouldn’t allow James to do this. It was a bad idea, he was likely only doing this to later laugh with his friends about this silly greasy boy from the wrong side of the tracks who thought he liked him.  
It would only be worse if James discovered the truth about Severus.  
James spoke softly to him, “you know you don’t have to be like the Prince’s. I wouldn’t care if you do, but you could be part of Ravenclaw. Something about you seems smart am I wrong?”

The book that Severus planned to read sat next to Remus. It was his mother’s stolen from the attic where she kept her hidden things.

Remus grabbed it reading the cover and then opening it haphazardly. He then spoke, “Severus you interested in medical potions?”

Severus nodded. He was originally trying to figure out if he could make a less version of those potions before he started Hogwarts to get him by, he found nothing, but did become interested in the subject.

Lily stared out the window, she seemed like she was just ever so slightly uncomfortable, but unwilling to say anything.  
Remus started to talk to Severus, and he just added the needed yes or no’s, and few comments on the subject. He was paying more attention to Lily who was staring out the window. He hoped they would be in the same house together, he couldn’t bear the idea of being separated from his closest and for a long time only friend. James and Remus, it seemed no matter what he did or said we’re going to be his friends, not that he minded, but part of him wondered why? More so at the Black boy’s reaction to him.

He had a bad feeling about that one, even if they did have something in common. The pureblood still seemed to hate him simply for existing.

*************************

  
“Sirius Black” called the woman standing next to the stool her name was Professor Mcgonagall.

As soon as the hat touched his head? It shouted Gryffindor. Lily was going to do whatever possible to not end up in the same house as that stupid god awful boy! A few students later and her name was called. She walked slowly to the front. People whispered but she could not hear them. She sat on the stool and the hat was placed atop her head. And then she heard a voice.

“My, my a brave one aren’t you? Lily Evans. A muggleborn. Stubborn, brave and hardheaded. Close to your friends. You want to do well in this world, make something of yourself. Show this world you are one of them, and just as good if not better.”

She whispered “anywhere but Gryffindor”.

“But child, you would do so well there.”

“Anywhere But Gryffindor”

“I see something else, cunning, ambitious, willing to do what must be done. It’s not going to be easy for you there, but if you will not have it any other way then you will fit right in.”

“It better Be Slytherin”.

You could hear a pin drop in the great hall. Total utter silence. Even the teachers were staring at Lily. McGonagall spoke, “Albus maybe we should try again, the hat must be confused”.

“No it is not, now Ms Evans, if you may take your seat at the Slytherin table,” said Albus Dumbledore curtly.

Lily Evans did as she was told. She sat next to a blonde witch far older than she. There was a seat on Lily’s other side she wanted to save for Severus. She hoped he would be joining her and not following the Potter boy’s advice.  
. The girl spoke to Lily, “I am Narcissa Black, and you Evans are not going to have a easy time. If I were you were I would keep my head down, and mouth shut. You are unlucky, the most unlucky student in many years a mudblood in Slytherin.”

Lily snapped at the girl “it’s muggleborn, and I have every right to be here. Hogwarts houses are open to all students! Beyond that my friend Severus will be joining me soon, hopefully. His mum was a Slytherin, and he’s a halfblood.”

Black looked at her, with her sharp pale blue eyes “so a mudblood and a halfblood with a muggle father, what is Slytherin coming to.”

*************************

  
James as expected when Gryffindor. Severus was not shocked but happy for his friend. A fat boy he didn’t catch the name of also went into Gryffindor. Before him and James, and a girl who have shoved Severus out of the way as she walked passed.

It was soon going to be his turn. And he just wanted to be with Lily, he was nothing like a Gryffindor would be, so he hoped to at least have one friend. Remus went to Gryffindor, and Severus didn’t want to alone in either Ravenclaw or worse of all Hufflepuff.

He heard his name and walked up to the front. Hat shoved on his head and it started to talk! Mother didn’t warn him about this.

“ Well Mr Snape, you are a interesting on. I have only met one other student like yourself after those potions were invented and she was a muggleborn years ago. Let me see really smart, but you are desperate not to alone. Your brave, to hide what you are, but that takes cunning as well. You want to be someone, you want to be nothing like your father. But the most important detail your a rather cunning boy, so it better be.... Slytherin!”

His feet hit the stone floor as he walked straight to Lily. No one spoke up like they did for her. Halfbloods didn’t have a easy time in Sytherin either. The difference though? Lily was pretty, sweet, gentle to most people. They didn’t see the fire in her green eyes, or ever experience her anger. She once the Slytherins saw past the fact she was a muggleborn was going to have a far easier time than him.

And she wouldn’t have to hide a secret from three other people in her dorm room.

He took the seat next her and she smiled. The girl next to her grumbled. The boy in front of the blonde started talking to him. His name was Lucius Malfoy, and he and his girlfriend the blonde were both prefects if they had any questions they were to go to either of them.  
He also said “I was told if you ended up in our house Snape you were to be sent to a separate dorm room than the other boys, I don’t know why, but it’s what I was told.”

Severus nodded, and thought to himself thank Merlin! He wouldn’t have to change around other boys, now if only he didn’t have to shower near them....

. A hour later, Narcissa led him to his new room, and threw what looked to be a black tank top at him, saying “wear it so the rest of Hogwarts doesn’t find out what you are. And go to nurse tomorrow and see what she can do about you little problem, your mother didn’t fix like she was suppose to.”

Severus eyebrows shot nearly into his hair line, pure shock on his face, “how did you know?”

She sneered “not ever going to tell you, blood traitor, just be grateful I do, you can find them in muggle sex shops when that gets too small or transfigure one like I did.” She called over her shoulder “it’s called a binder, you wear it under you clothes like a shirt”. Then she left without saying goodbye.  
Severus held that binder in his hand as it was the most precious thing he had ever owned, and in a way it was besides his wand of course. And his wand would help him create more of them in the future. This would get him by until the potions took affect!

To his relief, there was a shower in his separate dorm room. The room had a bed (with Slytherin green comforter and Curtains, a nightstand, and his battered trunk that had once belonged to his mother sat next to his bed.  
He grabbed worn-out sleep pants and a shirt and made his way to the bathroom. He left the lights off, as he stripped. If he went about this quickly he might be able to tolerate it. Just maybe...

He at least got his hair washed, and body mostly washed. Before the total panic set in. He curled up on the floor of the shower rocking, whining. When he came to he dried himself just barely and threw on clothes. He combed out his black too long hair. He shouldn’t like it long, but in a sense, it was his shield from the world, and it made him different from others, and when it was clean Lily liked to play with it.

Next time he was just going to wash it in the bathroom sink, while he was dressed. And use a washcloth for the rest of him.

If he broke it into parts it might be easier.  
He to get over this issue. It was not normal to not want to shower with access to a private nice, clean, warm bathroom. It made him seem insane.

*********

Narcissa caught up to Severus and Lily walking to their first class. Severus wore his new binder, his own clothing and borrowed trousers from James.

She shouted at them coolly “Both of you go to the mediwitch. It’s required for Mudbloods, and people like Snape.”  
Lily nearly snapped right back here about the comment on her blood, while Severus shook his head, pulling her along with him. It wasn’t worth the fight, when the person could give them detention.  
They went to the medical wing as told. Severus quiet as mouse, and Lily huffing about spoiled witches. He tried his best to tune her rambling out. Didn’t she understand it wasn’t worth it, didn’t she understand that the witch she hated could ruin him with a few words? Didn’t she understand if she pushed it said witch could ruin her? Of course not. Lily Evans was use to the muggle world, where all it mattered was what you could do not who you were.  
She didn’t understand that the Blacks had power because they were related to nearly everyone. Just like the Malfoys and even the Potters. The Princes use to be like that before his mother went and ruined everything!  
He should have been born pureblood, he should of been given the potion when he outed himself. He should be like Sirius Black like any other boy!  
Lily didn’t understand that, and never would what was the point of wasting him breath?  
They reached the mediwitch after asking a Ravenclaw prefect for directions. Who was shocked no one from their house told them where it was. He told them to be quick so they might make it to class before it was over. They were greeted by a kind old witch who said her name was madam Pomfrey.  
She separated them into two separate beds. She attended Lily first. Giving her typical magical vaccines and a once over. When done she told the girl to go to class. Severus uncharacteristically asked if it was okay if Lily stayed.  
Pomfrey said “but why child? Your mother likely did all that needs to be done and I just have to have you confirm as such?”  
Severus shook his head, “my mum didn’t interact with the magical world at all. And beyond that, I need to talk to you about something that isn’t easy to and Lily is my best friend”. As the words tumbled out 

Severus wanted to snap them uptight. Insist everything was fine to get his magical vaccines and curl up under some Merlin forsaken rock. That wasn’t an option though if he wanted a normal life.

“Fine she may stay, child, but do speak up about what else is a concern.”

Severus spilled his guts to her, well mostly. He explained he was other gendered. That he was born in the wrong body or as some called it born with the wrong mind. He explained his mother did not get him the needed potions, though he did not say why.

Pomfrey spoke, “your mother is a foolish witch than to do this to her child, to curse him to be other for the rest of his life.”  
Severus hated his mother, or so he thought, but she was still his mother. He snarled “when we told him about what could be done? My father beat and broke a wooden chair over my mother’s back.

If anyone cursed me to others it was my muggle father. If not my muggle father then the head of the Prince house when my mother begged him to raise me as his own to give me a chance at a normal wizarding life? He sent nothing, but howler how she should learn to live with her choices as should I! That got us both a good beating from father! You don’t know anything about me or my mother! Now, what is it that can be done about my situation?”  
Lily flung herself at Severus, trying to wrap her freckled arms around him as if to protect him the suffering he had already withstood. And future suffering to come.

*************************

  
The madam was shocked. Why didn’t someone take this child from the thing that couldn’t be called a family. Children needed love and attention. They needed people who put them first. And this boy’s mother had tried and failed. This father didn’t understand why his child was different, and a grandfather set in his old dark ways.  
She remembered Eileen Prince. The girl was a dull, typical pureblood girl. Not all that pretty, but she would have had a decent match simply because she was a pureblood witch who could have children. Everyone was shocked when she fled, more so with a muggle. Usually, if a witch did that it was with a muggleborn boy. Like the eldest Black daughter.  
The old wives' tale wasn’t about an actual curse, but the fact a muggle who didn’t grow up around magic couldn’t understand how the magical world worked.

That’s why Muggleborns sometimes struggled, but they were children and they had magic themselves. Grown muggles not invested in their magical children? Or in the case of half muggle magical families didn’t turn out well.  
In all likelihood Mrs Snape didn’t tell her husband she was a witch before marriage and that would of been if they were lucky. In the odd cases like her, some kept it quiet until their child showed accidental magic.  
She would bet her next paycheck it was the case with this family.  
She sat down in front of the children. And then spoke  
“There is not much I can do for you Mr Snape, the potions that have become the master standard were made with pureblood witches and wizards in mind. And once they were no one bothered to research further. It’s so rare for Muggleborns to be like yourself. I have met three children like yourself in thirty years of work at this school. One refused the potions that do sort of work for those like yourself. Her muggle parents were against the idea. She choose to go back into the muggle world after graduating. She went to first Berlin, and then before the war America. That’s the last I have heard about her.”

“The other two one boy and a girl both again Muggleborns choose to take the potions I have to offer. They then saved for muggle surgery to finish the job of sorts. They weren’t designed for your situation, but they do work decently. Nothing close to those I could of offered you years ago I may add. I am sorry Severus Snape for the disservice done to you, no matter who caused it. You deserved better. I will try my best to get you removed from that home.”

“It’s your choice if you would like to take them. The first set I will give you will put a stop to the changes your experiencing. The second set we will start when you are a few years older. Again it is your choice. You cannot use potions or spells to prevent pregnancy on the second half. They do not work together. It’s your choice. You can decide now or later.”

*************************

  
Severus straightened himself up. Wiping the tears he would claim weren’t falling if asked. He had no other options he would take them. Who would want to do those things with him, anyway? His bedroom walls were thin. And beyond that, he walked in on his father and a muggle woman from down the street. She didn’t have to explain to him how pregnancy happened.

“I will take them. And I understand.”

She then spoke, “I want you to say I understand these will not protect me from pregnancy.”

Lily spoke, “but why, we are just children, and s....e...x is something adults do”.

Pomfrey spoke “Ms Evans I don’t know about the muggle world, but I have helped fourteen year olds give birth to their first child. They were only two years older than yourself and Mr Snape when they became pregnant”.

Severus spoke “I know these will not protect me from pregnancy” , and he tacked on “ it’s not like anyone will want to sleep with me anyway”.

The madam handed the first set of potions to Severus and said “come back when you have taken half of these. Take a table spoon each evening, every evening.”

  
The potion worked to a point. It had been a year since he started it. The Madam sent him enough to last the Summer, though he hadn’t mentioned it to his mother. It stopped his breasts from growing larger, he kept his stick-figure body shape while the girls his age did not.  
It also made him grow taller. Not that he minded. Much to Lily’s and Sirius’s dismay Severus and James became friends. Remus was happy and tried with Severus to get Lily to tolerate the other boy. No one tried with Sirius. His tag along when he was not tagging along with James was a boy named Peter Pettigrew.  
James and Remus split their time with Severus (sometimes Lily when she could be convinced) and Sirius. It made for a rather uncomfortable year. The two boys felt like their friends were trying to split them in half.  
The worst was when Severus and Sirius got into it.

They never came to blows like muggles, but magic was fair game. James regularly told them both to just stop. And that whatever happened to them was their own fault. He also asked them both to not make him choose. Severus was far more forgiving when James spent time with Sirius than when James spent time with Severus how Sirius acted.  
James knew in his heart one day he may have to choose, and he didn’t know which he would. Remus once told him to choose the one when that time came he could not live without. Whoever that may be.  
Severus was sitting under a tree near the lake.

*************************

Lily’s mother this summer had insisted on taking him shopping with them. He was told once in the alley a woman named Mrs Potter sent her money with the instructions to buy “one Severus Snape all he needs for school with that money.” The letter also stated that sometimes a professor would notify families such as herself who could afford to help another student of Hogwarts. She also said she had always wished to have a household of children, Merlin didn’t bless her with them, so the least she could do is help other children.  
She also mentioned to send her a letter if he needed anything during the year. It was the least she could do for a wizard who seemed well on his way to greatness.

Maybe that was because of Madam Pomfrey she had tried her best to help Severus but was stopped at every turn by both the headmaster and his head of house Slughorn. As much as he wasn’t proud of need help, he wasn’t going to look a no strings attached gift horse in the mouth.  
So now he wore a brand new pair of trousers, they fit his long gangly colt like legs well. His shirt was soft, his robes clean, new and long enough the sleeves hitting at the correct point, so unlike those from last year. His boots were black and made of dragonhide. They were as soft as butter on his feet.  
A borrowed book was what he was reading it was a muggle and from Lily. It was about a land called Narina and he was happily into the third in series. The magic in the book was a joke, but he loved getting lost in the story. When he was done with this one, his goal was Lord of the Rings.  
The book, however, was hiding in the jacket of a potions book. He had no reason to give the Slytherin another reason to pick on him. They had been horrible to both him and Lily last year and seemed to be doing the same this year. She was considered a traitor by most of her fellow Muggleborns, they wondered what was wrong with Lily that made her a Slytherin.  
And the Slytherins hated him because of her blood status. One girl even carved on her trunk “go home you mudblood”. They stole her clothes, hexed her, did so many things that Severus wondered why she didn’t try and avoid going in the room she shared with girls who were Ella Lestrange, Margret Harper, and the worst being Delia Prince.

A distance cousin of his set to inherit everything when his grandfather died. She was the most hateful witch he had ever met. She was worst to Lily after she found out that they were friends.  
James came over happily, snapping him out of his train of thought. His book was removed from his hands, page marked with his bookmark, and set aside. James learned early on if he chooses to steal Severus’s books from him he better mark the page.

He spoke to Severus “why must you read every second of your free time?”  
Severus groaned “why must you avoid all homework to the last minute and blow up your potions?”  
“Why must you always sit with Evans during potions.”  
“Because if I don’t another Slytherin would ruin hers for just the sake of possibly harming her.”  
James spoke in a silly tone “Just have Remus sit with her, he can protect her.”  
“James Delia only doesn’t blow up Lily’s potions when I sit with her for fear of what my grandfather would do to her. Princes can’t harm other Princes even if they are blood traitor halfbloods.”  
“You don’t think of yourself as that do you, Severus?”  
“No James, but that’s what the Princes and other Slytherins see me as.”

James said hotly “well you should of insisted on being in any other house, Gryffindor would be so much kinder to.”  
“James I am about as Gryffindor as this tree we are leaning on.”  
“Ravenclaw then”  
“James! Don’t finish your next thought.”  
“Mr Sulking in Hufflepuff yellow”.  
“James I am a Slytherin, from a Slytherin family. Same as your grandmother was.”  
James starts to say something, but then they both hear Black calling out to James.  
“That’s your cue, Potter.”  
“I don’t want to go, Severus.”  
“Please James, just go. I don’t want to deal with him today. Mother sent me a letter, she’s not doing well.”

“It’s Lung cancer isn’t?” James says pulling Severus closer to him. “Why will she not just go to St Mungos? They could cure her, in no time. And she could....”

“We have been over this James she could go get cured, get a job in the wizarding world, use her magic freely, get a house. And be there for me. But to do all those things she has to face her family, her former friends, her whole life. She has to admit the things she’s done wrong. And I think my mother would prefer death to that.”

“Now go, before Sirius decides to be his stupid self.”

James starred back at Severus after he stood up. “ I wish you and Sirius could get along. Your both my friends. And you would really understand each other if you could just break the protection shields around you off.”

“James that ship sailed. I tried all of last year to be his friend. I know you care a great deal for him, but he just can’t see past the color of my robes, and my mother’s last name.”

James nodded, and reached for Severus’s hand. Holding the long pale fingers in his tan ones.

It was going to kill Severus when James decided to choose Sirius over him for good. Or when James found out about what was wrong with him and turned his back on him. But he couldn’t be the one to ruin it. James started to mean something to him. Not as much as Lily, or maybe it was just as great but different.

And that moment with fall leaves around him, by the lake Severus realized he may be in love with James Charles Potter. It did not brighten his day, it hurt him, because James liked men, and he was not a true man. He was a half man. Caught between his gender and his sex. Was James capable of loving something that might as well be a halfbreed? Something that rarely existed in the wizarding world?  
Was he the pureblood boy of Gryffindor, with all he had ever wanted capable of seeing beyond what the eye could see? Was he even capable of truly knowing what was Severus and seeing him as a boy?  
Or he lash out like Severus’s father? Or those muggle men who beat “drag queens” as they were called for kicks?  
That was wrong though. He wouldn’t do that! His best friend was other gendered. But was he capable of seeing Severus as a possible boyfriend, not just a oddity?

*************************

  
Lily’s life in Slytherin wasn’t easy, but she tended to give back as good as she got it. She was getting it from all sides. The Slytherins who hated her because she was a “mudblood”, the other house pureblood and halfbloods because she was a Slytherin. But most of all the other Muggleborns because to them she must hate them, and herself for that matter to be in Slytherin.  
Her professors mostly ignored what was done to her. They ignored the hexes cast at her. They ignored the photos she took of her poor trunk. Covered with words such as “mudblood”, “freak” and “mudblood whore”.  
Her mother cried when she came home last year. Pleading with her daughter to allow her to buy her another. He family wasn’t rich, they weren’t as bad off as Severus’s by far, but there was no point of buying a new trunk, if the witches, no better yet bitches were going to do it again.  
Delia Prince was the ring leader, Ella Lestrange was insane and Margret Harper was the tag along. Lucius Malfoy didn’t care what they did to her, she wondered if he enjoyed seeing her tear stained face a year ago before she learned to put her “mask” on. She wouldn’t put it past him.  
His future wife Narcissa Black was better and worse. She taught Lily spells to protect herself, she even sometimes stood up for Lily under the guise of “Slytherins shouldn’t attack other Slytherins”.  
But anytime Lily tried to ask the blonde for help? She either ignored her, or made fun of her. Narcissa had to be the one to offer to help, Lily couldn’t ask for it.

Lily didn’t realize Narcissa was in a sense grooming the younger girl. She wanted Lily to be grateful for the little she got. The girl was crafty with her spell work, intelligent to the point it was borderline scary, she also didn’t have many friends. Mostly the Snape boy, and the Lupin boy who seemed she kept at a distance. The only person to get through to Lily was Snape. And in a way Narcissa herself.  
The Dark Lord was going to want this red headed mudblood even if she was a mudblood on his side. Little bits of pressure on the right places and this girl would be licking the dark lord’s boots after her graduation, and the future Mrs Malfoy would be rewarded heavily for being the one to court her to the dark. She might not even have to take the mark herself. A soul for a soul of sorts.  
And if she could get the Snape boy to join the Evans girl? It would be a two for one. She might even get her future husband in the dark lord’s good graces.

***********

Severus finely chopped the ginger root while Lily stirred their potion. They worked together well. Barely speaking, but in this situation at least they were like one single person, instead of two.  
James and Remus were a table over and struggling. Black and Pettigrew had given up, three tables over. The potion was suppose to be sliver when finished theirs was a pink. Too much heat and not enough stirring was likely the cause of it. Not that Severus was going to tell them that.  
Lily spoke “Sev, is the ginger finished?”  
“Yes”, he said as he handed it to her and went to work on to dragon liver.  
“Potter”, he called. “Stir more, but slowly.”  
James nodded and did so. Hopefully the boys potion would at least be passable though not correct.  
Lily muttered “why do you even bother helping those toe rags?”  
“Lily, he’s my friend. And Remus is both our friends.”  
“Not much of a friend if they allow Black to spell Donkey ears on you, now are they?” Snarled Lily, she was in a bad mood today. Her dorm mates had stolen her shoes and threw them around the common room, for no other reason than they could.  
Severus spoke “And I gave Black pigs ears, a pig’s nose and tail. I believe I am quite capable of taking care of myself, now don’t you? Let’s go to our spot after this and talk. I got bad news from my mother yesterday. Things aren’t going well for her.”  
Lily stopped in her tracks childish things were set aside at that statement. Severus’s mother wasn’t a good person, but she was far better than his father, and she still was his mother after all. “Yes let’s do that, but no Potter”.  
“I wasn’t planning on inviting him Lily, him and I are going to spend some time together after dinner anyway.”  
Lily rolled her emerald green eyes and gagged.  
The dragon liver was tossed into the potion, fire turned off and it was allowed to cool. Theirs was a crisp and clear sliver.  
James’s and Remus’s was a milky grey. Sirius’s and the other boy’s was still pink. Vaguely the color of muggle bubblegum.  
Slughorn went through his students work. Shaking his head at the Black boy. Calling the potion totally ruined. James’s and Remus’s was passable. His and Lily’s was beautiful the best in the class. They would not have to write the assigned essay due Thursday.  
The rest of the class groaned. Severus smiled, and Lily did too. They always got the best potion. Slughorn hated to admit that his best students were both part muggle.

  
*********  
Lily laid in the sun near the far side of the lake as far from the castle as they could get. Severus was next to her. He told her about his mother. The fact that she had yet to quit smoking cigarettes even though the muggle doctor begged her to. She called it “her one and only pleasure in life”. And no one not even a doctor was going to take that from her.  
Lily spoke “she will not even quit for you?”  


Severus spoke staring back at the castle “Lily, my mother will never do anything for me. She doesn’t even call by my correct name. She would not leave that stupid muggle for me. She would not give me the potions that would of let me have a normal life. To her, I am just a mistake. The mistake that kept her with Tobias Snape, instead of a rich wizard. I am her curse. Her curse for getting drunk in a muggle bar. I am a reminder of all that is wrong in her life, and could be right if I did not exist.”

Lily didn’t say anything it wasn’t the first time she heard it all before and would hear it again many times she was sure.  
She did press though about what was going to happen if his mother got well worse?  
Severus looked at her “I don’t know Lily. aunt Maggie the muggle’s sister can’t afford another child. He has made it clear if she dies? I am out on my ass. He said I don’t want a dike of a daughter. Orphanage maybe? I might be too old for that though. Is there such a thing as a magical orphanage?”  
“Though honestly trying to explain Hogwarts to a muggle one isn’t a option. Aunt Maggie knows at least I go to a school in Scotland. The Princes will not take me, that’s for sure. Mother’s sent letters in the past after the incident. She got a that bloody howler as a answer. She’s tried again, but nothing. Maybe I could stay with your family? That’s wrong though. I am sorry I shouldn’t of suggested it.”

Lily stared back at her friend and threw a stone into the lake. “Severus Alexander Snape you have nothing to be sorry for. Your mother’s dying, your father isn’t worth a damn, and your family refuses to take you in. If anyone should be sorry it’s me. Here I am complaining because Black isn’t nice to me, and your mother is dying! You don’t know where your going to live! Severus never be sorry for reaching out and seeing if someone is capable of helping you. “ With that last sentence she grabbed his face in her hands holding his pale cheeks. His black eyes boring into her green.

And she kissed him. And he went rigid. Rigid as the wand tucked in her pocket. He pulled away after half a second, spitting out the words at almost a whine “Lily I am gay! I like boys! Not girls! Your my best friend, my only friend for years, but I don’t want to kiss you. I am sorry, I just can’t love you that way.”  
And with that Lily flopped back onto the grass she spoke after a second or two “Sev forgive me, I don’t even know what I was thinking. I know your gay. I know you don’t like me that way. Gods it’s just I don’t even know. Okay. I know you want to snog Potter. And Potter for sure wants to snog you. Your my best friend, basically my only friend. Sometimes I think I don’t know what I think. I think if you had to choose between me and Potter you would choose Potter.”

Severus rested his chin on his boney knees. “No Lily I would choose you. Every single time I would choose you. Your my best friend. Your my sister. You know things about me James doesn’t know. And even when I get the courage to tell him that? You will still know me far better than he does.”

*************************

  
Second-year came and went like the hands moving around a clock. His mother was alive when Severus came home for the summer just barely. She was in the hospital on her death bed.  
The muggle that was his father had for once in his life done something; he changed the locks on the front door. Severus could not do magic outside of school. He just wanted to get a glass of water, a tiny bit of muggle money for the bus trip to the hospital, and to use the restroom that’s all!  
And yet his key did not work. He was left standing there like some idiot, wanting to bang his head instead of his fist against the door. He didn’t do either. The changed locks made it clear his father’s promise was just that a promise.

Severus Alexander Snape was homeless and he was only thirteen years old.  
A neighbor called “heard about your mum, Selena that’s said, your father he’s now working at the mill. I don’t know when he’s gonna be home, but he’s spitting mad most nights. If you have somewhere else you can go I would suggest you do.”

Telling a thirteen-year-old to “go somewhere else?” What sense did that stupid muggle neighborhood drunk have. Surely no more than his father, who made his son homeless with nowhere to go.  
Severus made the trek to the Evan’s house, he had been doing it since he was nine years old. He could do it at night, he could do it half asleep, he could do it now when he was spitting mad.

Once he reached the door he knocked. Mrs Evans opened it. “Severus we just dropped you off, surely you don’t miss Lily already do you? You two basically glued together at the hip.”

He spoke through bubbling in his throat tears spilling his guts to the woman he wished would have been his mother “my mum she’s dying in the hospital. And father he.... changed the locks.... he said if she died...... or went.....to.....hospital....” In the last part, the tears poured from his black eyes “I Have to Find a New Place to Live!”

Mrs Evans pulled him into her arms, and held him, held him like his own mother never bothered to do. “Severus your father is a horrible man. I know sweetie you think that’s your fault. It’s because of what you are, but honey I promise you, it’s got nothing and I mean nothing to do with you. He’s just an evil nasty man.

You could have been perfectly muggle, a cis boy or girl, straight as straight could be. And that man would have found something about you to hate. People like him hate is in their very bones they don’t know how to be anything but hateful. Now come in and have some tea, and then we can go visit your mum, doesn’t that sound nice? I think I might have some pie she might like. Hospital food isn’t good for the soul. And it doesn’t help anyone not to have a good meal now and then.”

The tea was poured and set before Severus. Mrs Evans took her seat across from him. He did not reach for the sugar or milk before taking a sip.  
“Severus no milk or sugar?” asked Mrs Evans as she fixed her own tea, with a little of each.  
He shook his head. He was in a worn but soft tee shirt, pale blue jeans, and the replacement for his dragon hide boots when he grew out of them.

He stared down at his bitten to the quick nearly finger nails. He should stop such a gross habit, but like anything else a addiction was hard to break. His nail biting had soothed him through his childhood. The best way to know how things were going in the Snape house? Look at Severus’s nails.  
Were they long? He was doing far too many chores.  
Were they short, clean and unbitten? Things were well.  
Like now were they bitten and mangled? Things were not going well.  
Long ago Severus learned to hide his feelings. That’s who Lily had learned her mask from. Hide your emotions, curb them. Is what his mother always said. Princes do not cry, because their daddy smacked them! Princes only cried when things that actually mattered happened!  
“Severus, your mumbling to yourself, and yes son your allowed to cry! There is nothing and I repeat nothing wrong with crying” said Mrs Evans calmly.  
“Sorry Mrs Evans, I didn’t mean to mumble nor did I realize I was talking”.  
“Severus, call me Faith. Mrs Evans is my mother in law, and she’s not a kind woman,” said Faith trying to settle the boy at her table. “Did Lily ever tell you about my brother Charlie? Did she tell you what my parents did to him? Fifteen alone kicked out on the streets of London. If I wasn’t older? If I wouldn’t of been there? I don’t want to think what would happened to him.

It was many years ago. It was the fifties. People were even worse then than they are now. To gay people. I took him in, fed him, helped him stay in school. He’s now with a man who I happen to hope one day I will get the pleasure of calling my brother in law. The wizarding world it seems is far more accepting of those things I think. If you will allow myself and my husband Harry to help you, Severus you can stay here. Now you do have to be nice to Petunia. Now I know she’s not the nicest person ever, but she’s my daughter. If two just avoid each other things should be fine. That’s what her and Lily do anyways.”

Severus set his cup down. He couldn’t believe it! She wanted him, him of all people to live with them?  
“Yes Mrs Ev— Faith. I will stay out of Tuney’s way and I would be so grateful if you allow me to stay here.”  
“Now Severus lets go visit your mother, since that’s settled, but first we should get your things up to the spare room.”  
They carried his meager belongings up to his new room. It was the farthest from the stairs and the smallest room sometimes on holidays they allowed him to spend night, once they were told what he was. At least unlike most boy’s there was zero concern of him getting their daughters pregnant. Well one daughter to be exact. And him being gay made it even easier. He wasn’t going to sleep with her anyway.  
The bedspread was a pale blue, the headboard a dark wood, the dresser and nightstands matching it. The floor was a tan carpet. The window looked out on their backyard.

She told him “now put your stuff away and we can go visit your mum.”  
He put his clothes away properly. Everything where it should be. No longer was he going to sleep on a mattress on the floor, no longer was he going to have a milk crate by his bed, no longer would his clothes be in piles on the floor. No longer would he be beaten, kicked and slapped around. He would be accepted here as Severus Alexander Snape. Selena Eileen Snape never had to be mentioned again. He just wished he could have had this with his mother, the only reason he was getting this was because of her death. And he hated that he was enjoying his new life while she, his mother lay there dying. It was so wrong to be happy!  
Faith found him sitting on the floor rocking. “Severus, Severus it’s time go”, she called.  
She dropped to the floor reaching out for the boy who she had know for those four years. He was locked in his own head. His own pain. So she just held him, held him like the child he still was.  
Severus came back to the world feeling warm and loved. He blinked and Lily was sitting next to him! And then well who was holding him? “Sweetie, we don’t have to visit your mum today, if you don’t want to.”  
Faith was holding him!  
“No Faith, I need to, her letter said she doesn’t have much time left” said Severus as he stood and re got his barring.  
So that’s how they ended up all three piled in the car, Lily and Severus in the back seat, and Faith driving. Severus and Lily’s hands holding each other. He stared at the window watching the grey and gloomy sky and the trees as they pasted them. Lily said nothing to him. For once realizing it wasn’t a good time to speak.

Faith dropped the two teenagers off and then went to the carpark to park. The pouring rain caused Severus’s black hair to cling to his boney cheek. Lily went from her typical red to a dark auburn. Neither wanted to go inside the hospital preferring to get pelted with cold rain. Faith found them like that and hustled the teenagers inside. Her honey-blond and grey curls becoming a riot in the rain.  
They spoke to the man at the front desk who told them what room to go to.  
Eileen Prince Snape lay in her bed coughing her lungs out when the odd trio found her. She was the rather harsh ugly woman at the best of times. Her cheekbones were sharp enough to cut, by the looks of them. Her wedding ring, fake sat on her ring finger of her left hand over the grey-green hospital blanket. Monitors beeped in the background. Her skin had a slightly grey tinge to it.  
She looked like death herself. Sickly skin, lank dirty black hair, and eyes more dead than alive. She coughed out, “so my daughter has finally come to visit me? Selena, but why did you bring the muggles? I have to deal with enough them as it is.” Her hacking cough didn’t allow her to finish the sentence.

Severus sat down on the stool next to his mother’s bed, arms crossed over his chest. He stared down at the woman who gave birth to him with nothing but pity. She had no right to complain about muggles she married one. She worked with them when she had a job. She was better than a muggle herself a wand hidden away untouched for thirteen years.  
“You have no right to complain about muggles mother, you have no right to complain about the people who are willing to take me in as you lay dying because of your own very actions, and then your unwillingness to rejoin the magical world. You have lived as a muggle and now you will die as one. Mrs Evans is worth hundreds of you. And there is nothing wrong with being muggle. Your a witch, and yet look at you. Look at father he’s the worst kind of muggle. And yet Mr and Mrs Evans have been nothing but kind to me, Mrs Potter pays the clothing of a child, myself whose she’s never met. I want to be nothing like you Eileen Snape!”

“That’s going to be rather hard Selena because you should go look at yourself in the mirror. Besides that muggle’s nose you could be my twin!”

“I am nothing like you Mother. Nothing like you. I have friends, and a chance at a good future!”

“You are nothing Selena Eileen Snape, but the daughter a muggle, the tossed out Prince, the genderless freak of nature, no one will ever love you.”

Severus howled “And that mother is all on your head! You married the muggle, you got yourself disowned for sleeping with a muggle, and you wouldn’t give me that potion when I was four like ever other witch would give her child without question when they says they are other gendered! My crown of thorns is the one you placed on my head.”

Eileen looked at Severus “I should drowned you the day you were born you, little ungrateful, brat! Do you know what I gave up for you? Do you know what I lost for your very existence? My life? My inheritance? My future husband? Everything because I decided to give birth to a little shit who shouldn’t even exist. I hope the curse is true. I hope because of being neither muggle nor witch you find nothing but sorrow. Because with your very existence I have found nothing but sorrow in my life.”

He fumed, it felt as if his very magic was boiling under his very skin. Until he felt the small hand of Faith Evans on his arm, and she spoke to him “Severus you don’t have to listen to her. She’s nothing but an angry woman staring her own death in the face, instead of a desire to make things right she desires to ruin them even more. Do not give her the time of day. Go with Lily and get a soda, I need your mother to sign some papers for me, considering how she feels I doubt there will be any problems.”  
Severus nodded and Lily dragged him out of the room. They went to the hospital cafeteria to get sodas and leave the two mothers to their paperwork.

*************************

Faith Ruth Evans was born in the late 1930s too early to be a baby boomer, too late to experience the Great Depression. She was a hard-nosed woman, strong in her beliefs and even stronger in her opinions. She had never thought the Snape family should be allowed to keep their son. Tobias was known for his love of all things drink. The running joke was you could smell Tobias Snape before you saw him.  
For years she had tried to be Eileen’s friend. Part of it was yes in fact pity, but she hoped that if she became the woman’s friend she could convince her to leave Tobias. Faith now knew that was a horrible reason and way to try and start a friendship.  
She had met Severus Snape for the first time when he was nine years old. Dressed in a woman’s shirt, wool coat that had surely once be his father’s, trousers belted tightly that in no shape or form fit him.

And his shoes, the shoes the boy had worn, had duck tape around them. She and Harry were far from wealthy, they lived most of the time paycheck to paycheck. They rarely went out to dinner, most of the children’s clothes were well made, but not expensive. Most of the high ticket items had seen better days. The difference between her and Eileen Snape was?

She would rather have to steal than allow her child to be dressed as poorly as Severus was that day. His untrimmed hair, the fact that he hadn’t had a bath in days.  
After that first week of Lily and Severus being friends Faith took the children to a charity shop, Severus got one nice set of clothes and shoes that both fit and weren’t held together with duck tape. She ate peanut and jelly sandwiches for a week to be able to afford to do it. It was all worth it to the shy, little boy smile and laugh. He thanked her for a month after every time he saw her.  
When she asked him what he wanted for Christmas that year? He asked for socks, warm sweaters, and boots. What child has to ask for things that are meant to keep them warm? Ones with parents too interested in drink and cigarettes. She wouldn’t be shocked if she was told Eileen and Tobias were on drugs, not one damn bit.  
Severus’s mother was no more a mother than a frog was, and his father was better suited as a bear than a person.  
She stomped over to Eileen’s hospital bed, this needed to be done and over with. If the woman wanted to die alone than so be it. She had done it to herself anyway. She laid both the wizarding and muggle paperwork on the frail witch’s lap. “Sign them and I will leave you to die in peace.”  
The frail woman coughed, it was hacking and shook her small frame. She wheezed “Why should I? Why should I care what happens to my daughter after I die. I owe her nothing I brought her into this world. That’s more than I should of.”  
Faith sat down on the stool and spoke,

“a mother is someone who puts their child first, they would die for their child to live. They care only about their children. Their children could murder someone and they still would love them. Surely the wizarding world has stories like that? Mother’s who died for their children? Mother’s who loved their children till their last breath? The day my daughters were born I promised I would do anything for them. I would put them first. That they could anything and I would still be their mother.”

“You Mrs Snape, do not understand the meaning of motherhood. You do not get choose what your child is. Not their gender, not their sex, not their hair, or even eye color. Some say God chooses that. I am not a Christian, and do not believe in God. And I doubt Mrs Snape you are.”  
“Some say it’s fate. I never have been one believe in fate. Fate is for fools, with money to burn, and without cares.”

  
“Some say it’s chance. But Mrs Snape I have never believed in chance. Not when I found out about the heart condition that nearly killed me. That my daughters did not inherit.”

  
“Mrs Snape Severus was born a boy in a girl’s body because it happened. It happened, because it happened. Whether it’s sheer dumb luck, or some unseen force. It’s a fact. Now I plan to raise that thirteen year old boy you gave birth to, as if I gave birth to him myself. He will not have the nicest room, nicest clothing or tons of things. He will not get everything he asks for. Though knowing Severus he will ask for nothing beyond the most very basic needs. I will nurture him. Teach him to love, to tell the truth, to care about others, to do what’s right and what is wrong. I will do what you and your husband are incapable of. First because you two didn’t know a damn thing about being a parent or even try. And secondly Mrs Snape because your dying and your husband locked his only son out of his own home and promised to make him homeless.”

“So Mrs Snape, do me a freaking favor and sign the damn papers. I have a little scared boy to comfort why the woman who gave birth to him hates him. I have dinner to make. I have a husband who loves me, and children who adore me. Including the child you and your husband tossed out as if he were nothing. Severus Alexander Snape is something he’s my son.”

Eileen Ava Snape let out a series of hacking coughs. She then reached for the papers and parchment, Faith handed her a pen. She signed her name, and chucked them at the other woman. Faith picked them up, and walked out of the room. Eileen yelled at her nurse “I want to go outside!”

  
*************************

  
Severus was playing with his straw, in his orange soda, when he saw Faith walking up to them. She said “guys we can go home now, I need to make dinner, and send these papers in to the wizarding world. Lily I am going borrow your owl if that’s okay.”

Lily nodded. Severus jumped up, and threw his soda into the trash.  
They made their way out of the hospital without speaking. The rain had stopped, but Severus could still smell it. He love that smell, so clean, so safe, so comfortable. Lily and him both sat in the backseat. Though closer than last time his head rested on her shoulder.  
She started to speak, but Severus cut her off “please don’t talk about it now, I just can’t talk about it, I don’t want to even think about it.”  
Lily nodded. Staring out the window, but her arm wrapping around Severus.  
When they got home, Severus ran up the stairs without even saying a word. He quietly shut the door, kicking off his boots, yanking off his jeans, and pulling his shirt over his head. He left his binder and boxers on as he curled up under his blankets.

*************************

Severus woke up hours later, his chest hurt he couldn’t breath properly. He whimpered out a ow, moaned and rolled over and then sat up. He hissed as he pulled off his binder he looked down, his ribs were lightly bruised. His eyes turned into saucers he didn’t fall asleep in his binder before because Narcissa had warned him not to. Because of how upset he was he forgot to take it off.  
He pulled on his jeans, and tee shirt, leaving off the binder. He quietly and slowly made his way down the stairs. Wincing at every single step, clinging to the banister. It felt like torture when he reached the bottom step. He walked into the kitchen where Faith was sitting at the table, she looked up from her book and ice cream, “what’s wrong Severus?”  
He mumbled nothing, as his knees buckled out from under him. She said “spill Severus, now teenage boys don’t fall to their knees because their fine.” She helped him into a chair. And he spoke “I forgot to take off my binder, because I am a idiot, your not suppose to. My ribs are bruised. It no big deal. I just need some pain medication, eat something and then go back to bed.”  
“Can I see?” She asked not a bit of judgement in her voice. He nodded. Allowing her to lift his shirt to look at his ribs. She looked but did not touch. “You need to ice your ribs hun. I will get you some Tylenol and some dinner, it’s roast chicken, potatoes, green beans and rolls. “All sound good?” He nodded.  
She heated up his plate, getting the ice wrapping it in a towel, getting him a glass of water and the Tylenol. He took the pills, and rested the ice against his side. Hissing as he did so. The plate was then set in front of him as he tucked in. Groaning at the taste. 

Shoving it as he hasn’t eaten all day, because he hadn’t. He skipped breakfast at Hogwarts, didn’t eat lunch, and skipped dinner because he was asleep.  
It wasn’t unusual for him to do just that when he got caught up in a book, or a potion, or at home during the summer. That didn’t get rid of the wonderful taste of the food or the fact it felt wonderful to eat his fill.

When he was finished Faith helped him up the stairs. She told him to get ready for bed, after he had done so, she came back in, tucking him in as if he were a small child.  
“You don’t have to do this, Mrs Evans” he said.  
“Yes I do Severus, and what did I say to call me?”  
“Sorry Faith”.  
“Now Severus, get some sleep, and put your clothes away tomorrow. We don’t live in a barn.”


	2. Chapter 2

Severus got on the train with Lily they were headed for their third year. Both had signed letters that said they could go into Hogsmeade village. Severus wasn’t as sickly thin now. Living with the Evans had done him some good. His skin was still pale as piano keys, but he didn’t have the look of someone who was underfed. And for the first time, his s waist size and pants leg length went up.  
The Evans had bought him a pet, a small black owl with sharp golden eyes. He, Elder was just as prickly as his owner could be. He only wanted attention on his terms, which suited Severus just fine. He didn’t want some clingy owl or worse a clingy cat. Elder and Lily’s snowy owl Diana were as different as night and day.

The white owl wanted attention anytime and anywhere, you offered she would take it. Elder had to be in the mood for it, and that was no skin off of Severus’s nose.  
Severus for once didn’t want to rush to get changed into robes, he was wearing a navy blue sweater, he liked the way he looked in it, and he hoped James agreed. The other boy found them once they were on the train, showing them to the compartment he was in. 

Lily seemed to be considering her other options, but knew it would upset her friend if she did so, and he would feel as if he had to follow her. And he had been looking forward to seeing James if their weekly sometimes even daily letters said anything. The boys it seemed had a mutual attraction though neither would say a word.  
Severus sat next to James, and Lily next to Remus. Sirius popped his head and then said: “it’s you two, why can’t you go get your own friends?”

Severus snarled “I am with my friends, you are the problem,” as he stood up joining him in the aisle. The two boys who were the very opposite of each other stared at each other. Sirius stared at Severus the boy looked nothing like he had those years ago, tight navy blue sweater, dark grey jeans tailored well. Black boots that shined brightly in the sunlight. Greasy too-long hair was still long gone. It was still long for a boy, but cut properly.  
But something was just off about the boy. Sirius shoved him in the chest, laughing when he felt the softness of his chest, bound but still there.  
Severus snarled “you little shit,” pushing Sirius back.

Sirius laughed hotly “you are nothing like me, you're a freak! A girl dressing up as a boy! James your boyfriend is actually a girlfriend! A GIRL!” He shouted not just to James but to anyone who could hear.  
Severus barreled straight at Sirius. “How dare you, Black HOW DARE YOU! You know nothing about what it is to be me! You have no idea what it’s like to be me! You have no idea what it’s like to not be what you were supposed to be! You have no idea what it’s like to lose someone! You are the spoiled little shit, who has never wanted for anything. Mummy took you straight to the ministry when you told her. You got to be exactly as you were supposed to be! You are no different than I am, if I am a freak? Then so are you.”

Sirius launched himself at Snape, knocking himself off balance as they both fell to the train floor. They rolled around snarling, kicking, punching, and trying best to slam the other on the floor.  
Remus yanked back Sirius by the collar. Muttering “you really can’t just leave something alone. You can’t just accept you have to share, can you? He’s no different than you are. If anything he deserves your respect. He’s been through hell this summer. He’s a decent person, you just had to give him a chance, and you're incapable of that.”  
James kneeled next to Severus, asking him if he was okay, who was biting back some snarky comment. Biting back pushing one of his few friends away, just like he always did. James offered him his hand and said: “we need to talk, but first off I don’t care about what he said, but still we need to talk.”

Severus took James’s offered hand and stood. Remus pulled Sirius with him to go find somewhere else to sit. Lily stood brushing her fingers over her pale purple skirt. “I should go, shouldn’t I and leave you two to talk?” As she left her fingers brushing against Severus’s.

*******************

  
She whispered to James “you hurt him and you will have to deal with me.” James simply nodded, understanding the redhead meant it. She went to go find some empty compartment. When she found nothing Sirius’s younger brother caught her eye. He was a second-year this year.

Sirius’s twin basically, but smaller frailer in a sense. Reading a book in a compartment all to himself twisting his Oak wand between his fingers without thinking.  
“May I sit with you?” she asked. “No where else has space”. Lying slightly hoping the boy didn’t catch her in it. His quick sliver eyes stared at her. He must know who she is. Everyone did the muggleborn Slytherin. Breaker of Slytherins policy on “no mudbloods”. He nodded, but said nothing.  


She sat down on the opposite side digging in her shoulder bag for her own book. They sat in silence for possibly minutes, for all she knows it could of only been seconds. They were a pair the muggleborn and the pureblood “spare” he was simple born to fill a role of his brother failed in it. For whatever reason. With a brother like Sirius that made it more likely.  
She spoke breaking the painful silence. “ what is it your reading?”  
“You first, what is it your reading Evans?” he asked probing.  
“It’s about spell crafting and.....”  
He reached for it. Eyes widening at the title. And then speaking “maybe your a real Slytherin, then from the looks this book.”  
“It’s nothing dark”, she scoffed.  
“But it’s not light either”, he shot back.  


“Magic isn’t dark or light, it’s grey the intent is what matters. Did you know some of the best healing potions and spells take some of the maker’s or spell caster’s life force? They aren’t considered dark because they do good.”  
He finished her thought “intent is what matters, hence why with darker spells the person has to mean it. Both with those that save lives and those that take them.”

  
”Exactly, people are too busy classifying spells, potions and even creatures without thinking the intent of things. And when it comes to creatures that is even more so. Did you know a werewolf who gives into his nature looses his humanity, but one that does not stays human besides the full moon? No one talks about this because black and white makes things easier. Simplistic in a way. But magic isn’t simple. A similar spell to the killing curse can bring someone back from the brink of death, it’s not going to heal them, but it gives them just enough “life” to treat them. There has been a push to outlaw it which is foolishness in my opinion.” Catching herself she stops realizing she’s rambling.

“Evans I find your thoughts interesting, you are unlike most Muggleborns, they want to make magic like well push a button get something. Magic doesn’t work like that. She’s fickle and has rules. She by nature is grey.” Regulus finishes wondering if he’s upset her. He swears to himself in his head why does it matter what the mudblood thinks?  
Lily blinked shocked and flustered did the Black heir complement her and also make a snarky comment about Muggleborns at the same time? At least he didn’t say mudblood, like the rest of their house.  
“So again what are you reading Black? You never answered my question.”  
He answers, “my book is far more boring to most people it’s on wand cores”.  
“I don’t find that boring” she answers back. They talk in length about them, and what they are using in the America’s and how it must affect their magic.

*******************

  
Severus Snape and James Potter stared at each other neither speaking a word. The elephant in the room making it feel suffocating. Said elephant being what Sirius realized. Severus terrified what James thought.

And James upset Severus didn’t trust him, and wondering why the knowledge didn’t make him less attracted to the other teen, it did not increase it as some may assume. It did not matter to him either way. If Severus said it was a lie made up by Sirius he still would want to kiss the boy, if he said it was true he still would want to kiss the other boy.  
Not that Severus knew that. Before or now. “Goddammit,” said James. “Like I said before I don’t care if what Sirius said is true, Sev. I don’t your still Sev to me, your still a boy. I wish you would have felt you could have trusted me, that’s all. Does anyone, no did anyone know before today?”  
Severus spoke twisting his long fingers and staring at his shoes “Lily, her family, Madam Pomfrey, and my parents know, that’s it. My mother doesn’t really even count anymore. I didn’t tell because I didn’t want to lose you, James. Because I didn’t want you to see me as a freak, I like you. I like you that way, a lot. And if you don’t that’s fine. I should of been given the potions. I outed myself as other gendered at four, it should have been perfect timing, but the mother didn’t get them for me because of my father. She kept trying to force me to be a girl. And I am not.”  
He took a deep breath, and James grabbed his hand trying to help him keep it together. “So when I came to Hogwarts, someone must have known because I was given my own room. And then I outed myself to Madam Pomfrey. She gave me “other option potions” they aren’t as good, and I will need muggle surgery, but it’s something. I start the hormone replacement ones this year. And I honestly can’t wait. I wish I would of told you, James. I should have told you, and Remus for that matter.”  
James nodded and asked “what’s the thing you wear under all your shirts, I always wanted to ask you but didn’t have the courage to. I didn’t want to upset you.”

“It’s called a binder, it’s a muggle thing. It binds my chest to make it look flat.”  
James nodded and asked more questions. When he was done he did something odd. He reached across the compartment, holding Severus’s face in his hands and kissed him. Unlike with Lily Sev didn’t go rigid. He moved with James, opening his mouth when the other asked for entrance. Tightening his fingers into James shirt, trying to pull him closer, and trying to bring himself closer to James. Who was doing the same to Severus, though his fingers were in Severus’s hair. Which felt like fine spun silk to him. Sirius’s stupid comments about Sev’s hair were bullshit. It was clean and soft.  
Out of breath they broke apart. Foreheads resting against each other. “ I like you too, and I want to be with you.” Said James, hazel eyes staring into Severus’s black ones. “It’s always been you. No one else. This the things that are different about you don’t change that. Not one bit. You are a guy, and I will fight anyone who says different. I swear it. I want to be with you. I want you to be my boyfriend.”  
“You would even fight Sirius?”  
“ Even Sirius.”  
“I want to be your boyfriend too. You know Lily and Sirius aren’t going to take this well right? And our houses aren’t going to be happy either?” Said Severus.  
James sat down next to Severus their knees and thighs touching. “I don’t care what anyone thinks Severus. Only what you think. And you want to be with me and I want to be with you. That’s all that matters.”  
He rested his hand on Severus’s knee, who then leaned on James’s shoulder.  
Severus felt loved or at least liked. For some crazy reason, James Charles Potter wanted to be with the weird half-blood who was other gendered but not given the potions in time. And to add he was a Slytherin. Severus didn’t think people were going to be happy about this, and Sirius was going to tell everyone what he figured out.  
All that mattered at this moment? Was James’s hand on his knee, the fact he was cuddling with him, and that he personally didn’t care what Severus was. For the third time in Severus’s life, he was truly accepted. It made him feel wonderful to be accepted. Maybe even loved, though he didn’t want to hope for that, doing so was only going to lead to heartbreak when James realized he could do better.  
He was, however, going to enjoy it while it lasted and soak up this wonderful feeling, and enjoy as much as he could of James’s lips on his own. And here he thought he just didn’t like kissing after the “Lily incident”.  
When they pulled into the Hogwarts station James grabbed his hand and said “we will face them, together, as a couple. Let’s give them something actually interesting to talk about, don’t you agree?”  
Severus nodded and squeezed James’s hand. Together they would face this together.

*******************

When they finally stepped off the train Severus could no longer ignore the staring and whispering. And then he looked down and realized neither he nor James had changed into their robes. After the carriage rides, they would go to the bathroom and change. Last year the carriages pulled themselves and now there were these bat-like horses, boney and odd. His eyes widening and taking them in. He mentioned them to James who said he saw nothing. 

You see much to Lily’s dismay and even somewhat Faith’s Severus insisted when they had gotten the call his mother was actually dying he went to visit her. Sat by her bedside as she took her last breaths. She called him Severus that night. Pleaded with him to forgive her for what she had done.

Eileen the witch pretending for most of her life to be muggle, died at the witching hour the stroke of midnight, in a muggle hospital. The only one with her was her son, the one who she betrayed, by acting as if her magic didn’t exist. Severus still could hear the monitors screaming in his nightmares about that night. He only could vaguely reelect the doctor’s pulling the sheet over his mother’s face as she lay there. After he had confirmed she was indeed dead.

Faith had wrapped her arms around as the screams tore from his throat, held him as he cried and nearly picked him up when he fell to his knees. Once he was calm enough to walk to her old sedan, she sat him in the passenger seat as she drove home. When they got home, she made him remove his binder so not to repeat the bruised and painful ribs, and tucked him into bed like the child he would deny he still was.

A girl from Hufflepuff snapped him out of his rambling thoughts as they waited to board the carriages. “Your not seeing things that aren’t there you know”.

”What do you mean? James can’t see them, and no else seems to, either.”

”Because they haven’t witnessed death Severus Snape. We have. They are called thestrals.” Her honey colored eyes boring into his. Her hair was as red as a fox. Wavy and pinned back away from her round face. She had a harsh look about her, even with her soft features. She was so unlike most of her fellow Hufflepuffs. 

“What is your name, since you know mine.”

She said with a snort, “my name is Merope Lestrange, and everyone forced to listen to the ramblings of their dark families knows your name Snape. Your the disowned son of the Prince line. Well through your mother that is, rumor is she married a muggle. Some think you should take the seat when old Marcus drops dead. Instead of Delia. Others think you shouldn’t because your not pure.”

Cocking her head to the side she finished the thought “I think it would do the wizarding world some good, we are as inbred as the muggle royal lines a hundred years ago. If something were to pop up? We all would have it”.

”If you are a Lestrange, then why are you in Hufflepuff?”

“Same reason I think you should be the head of the Prince line Severus, because I am not like the rest of them. And it’s your mother isn’t that’s why you can see them?”

He nodded. 

. She answered the question he wanted to ask, but didn’t dare, “it was my cousin, a werewolf killed him. It left me be for some reason. I hid in a cave. I could do nothing as it murdered him. I may see you again Severus. Do try and do better than the rest of the Princes you have a gift us purebloods don’t have a freedom to choose who your are going to be.” The Lestrange girl climbed into a different carriage, not turning back to look at him as he climbed in one next to James, who said “she’s rather odd isn’t she?”

Severus shook his head, and spoke “she’s been through hell, who wouldn’t be a little odd after what she saw?”

*******************

It was the Christmas holidays and for once Severus wasn’t left to staying at the school alone in his room, with only presents sent by his friends on Christmas Day. He was going to spend the holiday with the Evans, he also had a party invite from the Potters who had embraced him when James told his parents they were dating. The only other plan was visiting his mother’s grave in the muggle cemetery.

James had offered to join him for that, but he thought this year at least it was best if he didn’t. When he had suggested that he could go alone Lily’s parents and herself put their feet down it was not an option. They would go as a family on Christmas Eve during the day. 

The Potter’s ball was that evening. Lily was going to go with much hesitation on her part, but Regulus would be there as well, which made her happier. The two having become closer after their unexpected train ride together at the start of the term. They were a odd pair, the muggleborn and the pureblood dark wizard. But they got along well. Severus was happy to see Lily making friends. Though he did wish she had better taste in them. She regularly wrote off the younger boy’s blood purity comments when they slipped out. Insisting he did not mean it, look how bad his own brother was, and he was nice to her. 

Regulus never said anything truly hateful to Lily herself or her friend, but he wasn’t one to hide his opinions. The boy’s opinions on many things were very well grey, with a touch of dark leaning. 

People still made comments to Severus about the fact his mother hadn’t given him the proper potions as a child, and how he was odd, anything beyond that was likely to earn you a stinging hex from James or even Severus himself.

Merope, a fifth-year Hufflepuff, it seemed liked Severus for reasons unknown to him. The girl it seemed didn’t have friends of her own. Her younger Ella sister seemed to hate her more than she even Lily. She was labeled a blood traitor with her comments on Blood Purity being the greatest threat to wizards beyond creatures. 

She did regularly make comments about how odd it was that Remus was always sick on the full moon, or his mother was. Severus wrote it off and assumed the cause was the girl’s mental instability causing her to see something where there was nothing. The girl was broken in ways even Severus himself wasn’t. 

Severus packed his trunk full of his muggle things, as well his dress robes. They were forest green, almost black, with cream details on the edges. They were so soft, and likely the most expensive thing he owned. A gift from Mrs Potter after James had invited him to the ball that was to be held at their manor house.

He heard knocking on his bedroom door, he shouted “its unlocked you can just come in”. Lily stuck her head in and said “almost ready to go? We don’t want to be late and miss Christmas now do we?”

“Just let me get my trunk buckled up and then we can go.” The house elves would put it on the train for them, he just liked to have it ready for them anytime he left Hogwarts. Anything to make the odd creatures lives just a tiny bit easier. Once it was done he joined Lily in the common room. She asked him “mind if I sit with Regulus on the train, I don’t have to, but you have James..... and all you two do is snog”.

Hands on his hips smiling at her, Severus said with a laugh “we do more than snog! But yes I don’t mind if you sit with Regulus, just stay out of the eldest Black cousin’s way would you?” Not saying the seventh year girl’s name for fear she might overhear and cause trouble. Though realizing how he said it she would be able to guess who he was talking about. He whispered only to her “Bellatrix isn’t someone to be messed with Lily.”

”I know that Sev, but Regulus doesn’t even like her! He thinks she’s just as crazy as we do. He told me one summer a few years ago, him and her sister Andy caught her killing animals in the woods with a knife! Not even with magic.”

”Lily she was too young to use magic then outside of school. But even so your making my point for me, she doesn’t see us any different than those animals she killed. To her we are dirty peasants who shouldn’t be in Hogwarts, let alone Slytherin. Promise me if she tries to start something you will come and sit with James and I?”

”I promise, Severus Alexander Snape, and I will make Regulus come with me!” Her smile lighting up her face. 

They walked to the carriages, Severus still able to see the thestrals like earlier in the year. This time he reached for one, feeling it’s boney muzzled under his long fingers. Feeling her heavy breath against his palm. “Easy girl”, he said softly. “I am sorry they can’t see what you do, and how much you must help the school. Your beautiful in your own way. Maybe it’s just your too pretty for them to understand.”

Merope called out to him, “it has nothing to do with their beauty, and it’s due to their life cycle. The mare dies bringing her foal into the world. Every single time. She chooses to give her life for her foal. If she were to choose not to? It would die while she gave birth to it. Though there has never been a thestral mare who choose not to give her life. They by nature are closer to death than any other living thing, besides humans who have seen death and come to understand the suffering it causes. They are forced to pull wizard carriages all over the world because they are seen as the opposite of the unicorn. The unicorn is the bringer of life, and they are the omen of death.”

Severus nodded at the girl. “Thank you for explaining it to me, how do you know so much about them?”

“Because in my second year I was the only one who could see them. I had to research to even find their name. No one wanted to talk about them. They are seen as bringers of death, even though they simply are proof it has happened. No more than we are bringers of death. And I kept studying them to hopefully help the next person who could see them, but also to hopefully educate wizards on them when I graduate. They created my love of magical creatures well the non human ones that is.”

Severus cuddled into James's side, his boyfriend’s arm wrapped around him. He felt safe like this, home, and loved. James also smelled like his soap, which was evergreen like. It made Severus think of the forest and happy times. 

James spoke “you know I love you right? Severus, always.” Severus nodded. Still not believing it. It was hard for him too. His parents taught him everyone lies. No one would love a freak like him. Instead of James being upset when he told him this? He settled to prove to the other boy he did love him, and would always love him. Presents like fur-lined gloves. Listening to Severus talk about potions even though he had no interest in them, and asking the right questions during the conversation. Touches and kisses. Words. Being there. And so much more.

James Potter was trying to be the best boyfriend he could be. Even trying to avoid upsetting Severus at times by ignoring Sirius which caused the Slytherin to lash out, “go spend time with Sirius, he is your friend. Do not give him up for me. I want to work on this potion and spend time with Lily.”

So ignoring Sirius at least was stopped. 

. Severus spoke to James after a second “I love you too....” the words seeming to stick in his throat. He meant them, but they were hard to say. Not because he didn’t love James Potter, he did with every fiber of his being, but Severus was not in practice of being told or telling someone he loved them. It just wasn’t done in the Snape household. It just wasn’t done. First time in a long time Severus was told he was loved was by Faith Evans and Harry Evans. Then Lily when she realized just how bad his home life had been. And then James.

Severus knew how unlikely it was that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together, but a small hopefully part of him hoped for just that. It was a silly and foolish part, but still a part of him.

James kissed him. Not a peck, a full kiss, it made Severus’s core throb, something that still was so odd to him. But it felt good. When he was breathless James’s stopped. Taking a deep breath then sucking and licking Severus’s pale beautiful throat. Leaving marks the color of pale pink roses. James enjoyed marking him. Showing the rest of the world Severus Snape was not only loved, but he was loved by James Potter. 

Severus whimpered, Gods this wasn’t suppose to feel this good. And they heard a knock on the compartment door. They stopped and looked at who it was. Remus. Remus Lupin with his horrible timing. He smiled and mouthed cam I come in? James nodded and the brown haired boy joined them. The one with golden eyes, that could at times be as sharp as knives or as kind as a puppy dog. 

Severus Alexander Snape did not know Merope Lestrange was correct Remus Lupin was a werewolf, though without the hatred of the boy he felt no desire to try and figure out why he did odd things. Merope on the other hand was another story. The Hufflepuff was not all that she seemed to be. Even Badgers can be wolves in sheep’s clothing. When they are pushed to their limits, and Merope had been over the edge since she saw her cousin ripped to shreds by the werewolf Greyback, the same who changed Remus Lupin. 

Unknown to her? She was only spared to tell the tale, and scare others to know not to trifle with Werewolf kind. A lesson she had not learned well it seemed as she tried to prove to anyone who would give her a second of their time that Lupin was a werewolf. Ignoring that he had never harmed anyone, and was a different than Greyback as night and day.

*******************

Severus stepped out of the Floo at Potter manor. Dusting himself off. Lily bumped him the back as he did not step far enough out of the way. She coughed and said “I will never get use to that.” Severus laughs “and I will never get use to flying.” “True, so you floo and I fly.” A house elf popped next to them. “Mr Snape and Ms Evans I will take your cloaks and show you to the ballroom”. He took their cloaks, and popped away. A few minutes later he popped back to them. “Come with me, Master Potter is waiting on Mr Snape.”

Lily’s dress was a deep royal purple. It was floor length, with a high neck, and lace sleeves. Flowered lace like netting over the dress. Pearl buttons running along the back. Her red hair curled and twisted into a updo. She wore her mother’s pearls. They both gasped when they reached the ballroom. James saw them and jogged over, earning from his mother “settle down child, no need to run”. He ignored her, and kissed Severus on the cheek when made it to him.

“Missed you Sev”. “Me too, Jamie”. “And hi Lily, your dress is nice. Severus, I told you those robes would look nice on you. And it’s nice to see your hair back”. As he fingered the forest green ribbon which tied Severus’s ebony hair back.

Lily rolled her eyes, because James’s hand went from Severus’s hair to his cheek, as if he was considering kissing the other boy on the lips. “See you boys, I need to go find Regulus like I promised I would.” “Lily wait....” said James. “Mrs Black isn’t going to be happy that you and Regulus are doing whatever it is your doing.” She narrowed her eyes at him.

“James Potter, if you haven’t realized it by now? My very existence upsets people, my house upsets people, my blood status, my hair upset muggle children, I am use to people not liking me. I am use to scorn. I am use to even outright violence. Regulus Black is my friend, and I want to spend time with him this evening. I will not be yours and Severus’s third wheel. Mrs Black is going to be far more upset by Sirius and Remus. Last I heard they are dating. Her darling heir is going to be a genetic dead-end. I am the least of her worries.”

Lily left a puzzled James, and a smiling Severus standing there as she found Regulus right away. The younger boy hugged her. And it was a little to long to be just friendly. He had just turned thirteen. “Sev lets go get something to drink.” Severus nodded, and followed James. “But not the punch, Jamie.”

“Why not the punch?” “It’s a muggle thing, to spike the punch”. James’s eyebrows shot into his bangs. “Why would anyone do that, if someone wants punch they want punch, if someone wants fire whiskey they want fire whiskey.” “James muggles have Irish whiskey, not fire whiskey, and they do it because some people think it’s funny.”

*******************

As they drank their punch James people watched. Regulus and Lily were dancing to the slow song that played his robes were night sky blue. Her dress was a royal-like purple, it sparkles catching the light of the chandelier if no one knew any better she fit right in with the pureblood witches around her. 

The looks the dancing pair earned from Mrs. Black made it clear she was not. Lily Evans to her would never be good enough for her son. Even is he was the “spare”. They laughed, and she snarled. She looked like she might try ripping them apart when James’s mother’s frail hand rested on her arm. The former head girl seemed to remind the slightly younger witch, to leave the children be. 

Sirius and Remus sat in a corner softly talking to each other. Sirius was in a muggle all-black suit, Remus in chestnut-colored robes. Their hands were clutched together. For once in a long time, Sirius seemed happy. James hoped Mrs. Black didn’t ruin it. Regulus as well seemed so unlike himself. The girl nearly as tall as him, it seemed brought out the best in the Black heir. 

Remarkably to his and Severus’s shock as well as likely all those watching Regulus kissed Lily’s cheek. It could almost be called friendly. But it was clear at least for now Regulus had chosen a muggleborn, though she was a muggleborn Slytherin all the same. 

James then looked over at the couple next to the younger pair. It was Lucius and Narcissa. He was tall broad-shouldered, his hair was nearly white, though it was still blonde. It was loose and fell long past his shoulders. Hers was curled and pinned. A slightly darker shade then his. It contrasted heavily with her black evening gown with its sheer overlay. It showed off most of her pale back, but the neck was a turtleneck. 

Lucius too was in black though his robes were plain. For the longest time, James thought those two were a match made by their parents. They were to be married a month after Narcissa’s graduation this coming year. But seeing how they held one another? James realized it was a love match. Even if he didn’t like them, even if they were both dark leaning, it was clear they were totally utterly in love. 

James finally got the courage up to ask Severus if he wanted to dance. Severus seemed unsure, worried. “I don’t know how to James, I will make a fool of myself and you, in front of all these people.”

”Sev, just follow my lead. I want to dance with you, I want to show everyone that I love you. Please for me?”

Severus nodded, his black eyes downcast. He couldn’t make that much of a fool of himself with dancing now, could he? All that they seemed to be playing were slow songs anyway. 

He allowed James to lead him to the dance floor, feeling more comfortable when James’s hand rested on his waist. His hand came to rest on his boyfriend’s mid-back. Their hands clasp together and they started to dance. Severus’s head quickly rested on the shoulder of the now taller boy. It felt nice to be held like this. He could hear James’s heart beating. Smell the evergreen scent of his soap. And he didn’t step on James’s foot once! When finished dancing, James’s kissed in front of everyone in the ballroom. And it was wonderful. Instead of gasps, he heard joyful noises. 

Once they were done they found a spot at the edge of the room to sit, he tried to sit in his own chair, but James being James pulled him into his lap. He sighed and allowed it. Giving James what he wanted sometimes was the easiest thing to do. And it’s not like he didn’t want to sit on James’s lap, just maybe not in public. 

When the Potters came over Severus took his own seat. Mrs Potter greeted him with a hug, even though they had never met before. Saying “Severus you are such a wonderful boy, James is lucky to have you. Those robes look wonderful on you. Are you sure you don’t need anything for school? Just let me know. Faith I know does her best, but I want to help as well. Your mother and I knew each other many years ago, and I cared about her quite a bit. She was like a baby sister to me. She and I while quite a bit apart in age understood each other in ways most did not. We both took the potion as children, and....” 

With that Severus hit the floor and was out like a light. He didn’t hear the shouting didn’t realize he was being carried to a spare bedroom, didn’t even awaken when Mr Potter and James got him out of his robes. 

They were considering calling a mediwitch when he came to. He blinked. He groaned. Everything hurt. He needed to get out of the binder first and foremost that he wore. He stripped off the shirt and undershirt easily, James tried to stop him, wondering what his boyfriend was doing. 

He only said, “binder when left on hurts”. James nodded and allowed him to continue. It was off in a second, and his white undershirt was back on Just quickly. Much to James’s dismay he didn’t even see much more than a tiny flash of pale like snow skin. Maybe one day he would, he hoped he was a boy after all. And Severus was his boyfriend.

Mr Potter left the room, saying he had to attend the party, wishing Severus good health. Mrs Potter, Lily, Regulus and of course James stayed. It thankfully was a large bedroom with a couch in the room. James sat on the bed, Mrs Potter in a wing-backed chair, and the other two on the couch as close as they could sit without being on top of each other. They were together, and Severus knew that now even without the kiss. He had to talk to Lily when they got home. But first...

”Mrs Potter what did you mean by my mother and you both to the potion as children?” 

She spoke to him clearly and without hesitation “Your mother and I were both born other gendered, Severus. That was Marcus’s, your grandfather, whole issue with your mother. It’s likely why he disowned her after you were born, not because you were born, but because he wanted a excuse. He was promised by a seer a son, and instead his son turned out other gendered. Your mum knew from a young age the only reason she was given the potion was because her own mother allowed him to cheat on her in hope of getting his son that way. She was in her fifties when Eileen was born, with little hope of ever conceiving again, not unlike myself.”

”Why did mother hate me then? Why didn’t she give me the potions? She got to take them! Even though her own father needed a son!” Severus paced the floor as he said this. 

Regulus spoke “I may be wrong, but Severus your mother lost everything that matter to her because she took the potions. Her name, her family, her vault, her home, anything and everything that matters to a witch. And then she had to marry a muggle man to keep you and her herself fed, clothed and with a roof over your heads. And then said muggle took her magic from her. The potion may have made her feel comfortable in her own skin, but it took all, but you her son that mattered to her. But what do I know I am just an outsider, with a brother who took the potions. Which pleased my parents greatly because he became a boy. I don’t think they would have been so happy if it was me, and he wasn’t other gendered, or a boy.”

“Severus as hard as it may seem to you to understand Regulus is correct. Your mother and I still talked a few times a year....” he cut her off again. Black eyes like flames, boring into the old witch’s “then why didn’t you help her? Why didn’t you help her when I was four years old! When I still could of been saved from this hell! This hell that is my own body?”

Mrs Potter spoke. “Severus Alexander Snape! I swear on my very name Helena Grace Potter I did not know you were other gendered until Madam Pomfrey told me about you, requesting I help you because no one else would. Your mother didn’t tell me how bad it was for all those years with that muggle until she lay dying. I would have come for you years ago if she would of told me! You would have grown up loved either with my husband and I if she wouldn’t of left the monster, or we would of helped her get her life started over again. Even if she had to go to America to get away from your grandfather.”

Severus fell to the floor in a heap, apologizing loudly for what he had said. Mrs Potter brushed the hair that had escaped his ribbon out of his face and spoke “Severus you have every right to be angry, at myself, your mother, the wizarding world, life itself. But the one who you should hate the most is Marcus Prince, the man who started all this pain. Because without him none of these horrible things would have happened. Now I accept your apology. You are a good boy Severus. I wish someone would have told you this. I wish your mother would have been able to tell you this when she gave you your own potions. It didn’t happen the way it should of. I failed you both, now the least I can do is help you now.”

Severus stood up and wiped his eyes. He shouldn’t blame Helena for his life it wasn’t her fault. She had done nothing but help him. The very clothes on his back were from her. So he reached out and hugged her. “Thank you, Mrs Potter, for everything. For the clothes, the money, allowing me in your home, and most of all for telling me about my mother. I realize now I didn’t really know her that well. A few stories from Hogwarts, a few photos, and her last name, that’s it. The woman I knew was broken when I was four years old.” More tears fell on the last few words.

Mrs Potter cried as well “she was like a sister to me, I wish I could of saved her. I wish I could have known you, before now. It seems though you and Jamie found each other without her and I introducing you two.”

James patted the stop on the bed next to him. Severus got back upon it. James kissed his hair and said, “I love you Severus, and you deserve to be loved”.

Mrs Potter spoke “since Severus and Lily are going to have to meet the Evans at the leaky cauldron I think it might be better that they just spend the night it’s getting rather late. Now Regulus lets get you to your parents before they leave.”

The youngest Black son sighed and kissed his girlfriend a simple peck. “Owl me Lily, I can’t wait to hear what think Calvin’s spells of healing”. 

She smiled at him. “I will Regulus, but be sure to tell me about the book about the properties of Unicorn horn and how they can help with spell work.”

“Weird,” said James.

Severus said “not weird, interesting”. 

“We aren’t at Hogwarts, why are they reading?”

”Same reason I do, it’s fun.” The last part was groaned out.

James shook his head and said, “let’s go get you and Lily some things to sleep in”. Lily ignored James following Mrs Potter saying “ma’am will Severus and I get to go home for Christmas tomorrow? Severus is used to being at school on the holiday, but I haven’t been away from my family ever.”

The last few sentences visibly upset Mrs Potter and she said “yes you will be home for Christmas, my husband and I will side long aparate you home after breakfast. And if that isn’t too much for you I would like to give my godson his presents?”

Lily was shocked “Severus is your godson? But why can’t he live you? He would be happier to be near James, and the wizarding world....” She did not add her parents struggled sometimes with another mouth to feed and the Potters clearly wouldn’t. Not that she didn’t love Severus, but he would even himself be happier in this manor house, with the Potters.

”Ms Evans my godson cannot live here because my son and godson are together. To break up a relationship which happened on the train to Hogwarts something which old tales are based on? Would mean I wouldn’t get Severus if I tried. The best thing I can do for Severus is help your parents as much as I can so they can afford to help him. And pay for the wedding when James and him get married.”

”You don’t know they will get MARRIED.” Said Lily harshly.

“Muggle”, the pureblood witch. Regulus gave old witch a dirty look, and Lily turned the same shade as her hair. “I don’t mean any harm by the comment. I think theirs anything wrong with being muggle or from the muggle world, but they should do a better job educating you before you join our world. Lily Severus and James cannot be broken up? Because they are the connecting of two houses. They are also in a relationship that started on the Hogwarts express. In Lore, that’s how soul mates happen.”

”They aren’t soul mates.”

”You don’t know that” said the pureblood witch. “And I wouldn’t mock the theory it’s the best one you and Regulus are going to have.” That shut Lily up. She said her final good bye to Regulus kissing on the cheek. She got her pajamas from James was told she would be sleeping in a bedroom a few doors down from Severus and went there. She didn’t even really look at the room as she laid down to sleep. 

******************

Severus woke to James whispering to him “can I join you? We can keep our clothes on I just want to hold you.”

Severus said, “yes, please.”

James laid in bed next to him. Severus quickly took the offer to lay his head on James’s chest and fell asleep promptly. James watched his boyfriend sleep. His long eyelashes brushing against his pale cheeks, his rose petal lips. His nose while large was striking though not beautiful, his ears were like small shells. His midnight nearly blue-black hair, which was now to his shoulders. Thick and heavy and beautiful.

James’s favorite thing was to tug and pull on it when they were kissing. It felt good, but the sounds Severus made when he did so, these little pleading whimpers which got James so hard, it was unbelievable.

And now he was hard, great. His loud sigh woke up Severus. “What’s wrong?”

”Not so morning wood”.

Severus stared confused. James thought for a second his boyfriend didn’t have a penis to get a morning wood with. 

“Can I let you feel Sev?” James asked. Severus nodded. James took his boyfriend’s pale hand and placed it over his pajama covered cock. Bucking into the brush of Severus’s hand. Who gulped loudly. And then shockingly said “I can take care of that.”

James nodded. Gods Sev was going to get him off this had to be a dream. Severus pulled down James’s pants. Biting his thin pale lips as he did so. Wrapping his long fingers around his boyfriend’s cock. “That’s it” hissed James. “Rub, twist, and get the liquid from the head. Gods you wonderful Sev.”

Severus looked so well innocent. This turned James on even more. His boyfriend found a rhythm that worked for him. Rub, twisting the head ever so slightly and back up. James moaned, and then whimpered “I am close”. Severus just continued like he hadn’t heard anything. And James came all over Severus’s hand. Severus did something odd bringing his cum covered hand to his lips, having heard older students in Slytherin talking about blow jobs, and wondering what cum tasted like. It was salty and bitter, but not unpleasant tasting.

James moaned at the sight of Severus licking his cum off his hand. Severus looked at him so innocently as he did so, that boy was a little mink. So freaking hot. James hoped one day soon his boyfriend would allow him to touch him. Grabbing his wand he spelled Severus’s hand and his own penis clean.

“How can you do magic out of school?” Severus asked.

“Because it just comes up as mum or dad’s magic. That can not pinpoint it to me.”

“So the law is really only about Muggleborns?”

James nodded.

Severus snarled “that’s unfair”.

James agreed and said “let’s try and get some sleep. I will leave before everyone wakes up.”

”Try not to get hard again Jamie, I do need to sleep” giggled Severus. He rarely made sounds like that and James loved it. He wanted to make his boyfriend giggle regularly if he had a chance.

They cuddled this time on their sides facing each other. It felt wonderful to both.

*******************

  
The boys woke up to the sound of a house-elf popping in the room, and not the same one from last night. This one was female, and wearing a pink smock. She said, “Master Potter what are you doing in Mr Snape’s rooms?”  
“Nana we were sleeping” James groaned at the house-elf. Who said, “up, Boys before I tell Mistress what I caught you doing.”  
They both climbed out of bed, James kissed Severus before heading to his room to get ready for the day. Severus left off his undershirt since he slept in it, he wore his boxers, his binder, of course, his socks, his slacks, his forest green button-up shirt and tied his long hair back in the green ribbon. He then went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and wash his face. He would shower this evening. After he was done he made his way downstairs. Not remembering where things were from last night.  
Lily was there at the bottom of the stairs. She was in a white sweater dress. Her hair was in her normal two braids down her back.  
“You brought a dress besides your gown?” he asked.  
“Nope Mrs Potter transfigurated a sock into this. I rather do like it myself.” Severus had his folded robes and undershirt with him and placed them in Lily’s bag. Offering to take the bag from her, which got an “I am good Sev”.  
James was the last to make it down the stairs. He was dressed in a red button-down shirt and tan slacks.

Lily giggled “you two look like a Christmas tree!”

James kissed Severus’s cheek and said: “a mighty fine Christmas tree if I do say so myself, Lily.” He then showed the other two to the dining room. Gone we’re all the people. It was just the five of them and the house-elves. Lily thought to herself it must be lonely to grow up in a house like this with just your parents.

Breakfast was on the table. French toast, breakfast potatoes, fruit of all kinds, eggs of various types, bacon, sausage, homemade Syrup and quite a few types of juice. It was shocking to the two who did not live there. And it made Severus slightly upset this food could have fed him and his mother food a week! And yet he was sure what they didn’t eat today was going to be tossed. He promised himself if James and he got married? They wouldn’t do things like this.  
Severus ate in relative silence, as did the others. James seemed as if he was eating for three, which at least meant most of the food wouldn’t be wasted. When done, they went to the parlor to open presents, before the two teenagers were to leave.  
The elder Potters sat in wing-backed chairs by the fire. Severus really looked at them. They both looked to be in their sixties if not older. Mr Potter had a rather worn look to his long face though his hazel eyes were bright still. Mrs Potter’s hair was more white then grey, her skin pale and thin-looking, her eyes, however, were the brightest blue Severus had ever seen. And her smile still lit up a room.  
James got up to pass out presents, knowing both of his parents couldn’t sit on the floor too. Yes, James was spoiled, downright spoiled rotten, but the problem with being a long-awaited child? When you were a teenager your parents were at the end of their lives. James right out of Hogwarts was likely going to have to bury his parents. Neither looked any better than Dumbledore and he was thirty or more years their seniors. 

Helena put on her glasses, plain sliver thin frames. James sat in front of the tree. He first handed his father a present. “Dad this is from Mum”. The present was wrapped in blue paper with sliver stars on it, the ribbon was sliver. 

Next was his mum, “this is from dad mum”. The wrapping paper was dark purple with no ribbon. 

The next went to Severus the box was small, with green wrapping paper and a sliver ribbon. “Sev this is from me, I hope you like it.”

Lily’s tossed at her, though lightly. “This is from my parents”. The wrapping paper was green, no ribbon and the box was a rectangle. 

“And he said mostly to himself “and this is mine from mum and dad”.

He went around again. His presents to each of his parents, one for each of them from Severus besides Lily, hers were at home from him. Lily got one from him, Severus got a stack from the Potters as did James himself. 

Severus dug into the bag that held his robe and Lily’s gown. In it was a small box muggle wrapped in red wrapping paper and a ribbon of bright gold. “It’s not much” he said. “But I hope you like it.”

Then they got work on their presents. James a new broom. Some quidditch gear. A set of dress robes. Socks which caused his father to laugh. Lily’s gift was “quidditch through the ages”. 

Next was Mrs Potter. Her son got her a necklace and a set of earring. It was a small and simple chain of sliver. His husband got her a matching ring and bracelet. Lily gave her a scarf that was made of lambs wool. It was red. Severus gave her a sliver hair brush, minor and small bracelet locket. After all she had done for him in the last two years it was the least he could do.

She had sent him money by owl telling him to buy the people he loved Christmas gifts. And he included her in that. More so now after finding out she had been friends with his mother and his god mother.

Mr Potter got a watch from his wife, a wool cloak from his son, it had a white fox fur collar. Lily gave him a set of deerskin gloves. Hinting at something known to be his Patronus. Severus gave him a set of white fox fur-lined boots. He had to ask James before he bought them what size shoes his father wore. Charles spoke “Severus these are beautiful! Did you and James’s plan your gifts together?”

”No sir, but James has mentioned you struggle with pain, but love to spend time hiking. These were designed to be good looking, but will keep you warm and help with heel pain. He also mentioned you still ride horses sometimes these can be used as winter riding boots as well.”

“Helena I guess I have my new riding boots and cloak, so now you can’t try and stop me from riding” laughed Charles his hazel eyes “Full of mischief”.

Severus thought himself so James gets that from his father it seems.

Helena muttered “not like I could before old man.” 

“Now Helen you happen to be four years older than me, so why I am the old one?”

”We both are old Charles. You just don’t act it. And pay for it. Please ride Snowfire not Ramona that mare needs more fine tuning before she’s safe.”

James found Severus’s non gag gift to him (the gag gift being the socks), it was a gold band inside said “Love is Love”. James jumped up grabbing his boyfriend in his arms. Those three words was a reminder to James whenever Severus struggled to say I love you, he still loved the other boy. 

Lily got a book from James called “Pureblood rituals and customs for the muggleborn”. Which she was both grateful for and frustrated by. A rich green cashmere sweater and matching scarf from the Potters, and a set of riding gloves for a broom or horse. 

Severus besides James had the next biggest pile. He got a wool muggle coat from the Potters. It was lined with Rabbit fur. It was a silverish black. Dragonhide riding boots that were just from Charles. A new caldron from Helena, far better quality than the one he had at school. James got him a cashmere sweater in hunter green. A watch, in sliver. And a ring that said on the inside in silver “I love you to the moon and back”.

Severus hugged all three Potters, but James the longest. These presents were more than he had ever gotten, and this wasn’t all of them. He still had those at home. He started to cry. He didn’t deserve these things. He deserved nothing that’s what father had said one Christmas as he put his boot on Severus’s back. His mother had just watched, as the man kicked the small child of only six. 

For once in all nearly fourteen years of Severus Alexander Snape’s life, he had a good Christmas, and it wasn’t even over yet. He swore he was going to wake from this dream alone in his bed at Hogwarts things like this didn’t happen to people like him. 

The Potters when done took the two Evans children home. Aparating them straight to the front door of their home. 

Severus could smell even before the front door had opened that Faith was cooking. Severus hugged his god mother good bye and said he ”hoped he would be allowed to visit this summer”. ”Nonsense” she said, “your visiting over spring break”. 

Shocking the pale skinned boy. And causing frown to turn into a bright smile. 

*******************

The new muggle coat was hung on the coat rack by the front door. Upon seeing it Petunia hissed “how the hell did you get this Snape? Steal it like your father does?” His black eyes narrowed, “how dare you suggest that? It was a gift, from the Potters.”

”Snape no one likes you enough to buy you gifts. Besides my parents who don’t see you and Lily for what you are FREAKS!”

He ignored her. Snarking “well the Potters are magical as well, so I guess I fit right in with them huh?”

“Petunia apologize to Severus, now. The Potters are good people, Sev is dating their son, and they knew his mother. He and Lily are not freaks. Magical or not people are not freaks. And Severus do not laugh. She goaded you and you fell for it” said Faith from the kitchen not bothering to stop stirring the pot she stood over. Muttering to herself teenagers.

Lily ignored her jealous sister, running upstairs to hang up her gown, change and toss Severus’s robe on his bed. She also wanted to send a letter to Regulus. Severus followed Lily after giving Petunia a dirty look that she couldn’t see because she wasn’t facing him. Some muggles he thought.

When both teenagers were done changing into comfortable clothes, Lily in her sweater and jeans, and Severus in a long-sleeved shirt, jeans, and woolen socks; they made their way back downstairs. 

Harry was sitting in an armchair in the living room, he greeted the teenagers when they joined him. “Your mother is nearly done with dinner and then she will join us for presents. Had fun at the Potter's ball, and this morning?”

They both nodded. Taking seats on the couch. Petunia took the loveseat, wanting to be as far from them as she could be. When finished Faith joined her oldest daughter on the loveseat. She said, “dinner is finished but first presents”. This was her favorite time of year. 

There was a pop, and a house-elf appeared. She bowed. The magical teens recognized it as the unnamed house-elf from the night before. He spoke “Mr Snape and Ms Evans you forgot your cloaks at the manor.” They took them, and with a nod, the house-elf popped away. 

Petunia unable to stop herself “what in God’s name is that freaky creature? And how did it get in the house?!”

Severus said in a monotoned voice “Tuney that’s a house-elf. Magical creatures who serve wizard families.”

”Like Slaves?” Asked Petunia. 

Lily answered “no they are bonded to their families, a part of them. Tied to their magic and blood. Regulus explained it to me.” She added the last statement because of Severus’s raised eyebrow. “He knows so much because unlike Sirius he likes their main house elf, he was like his nurse almost. Kreacher is his name.”

”Well that’s interesting” added Harry. Still slightly shocked. As he started to pass out presents without speaking. So unlike James, thought Severus. Simply grabbing and handing to the person who it was for. He preferred the quiet if he was honest. 

. Lily got a small box which he read was from Regulus. Along with gifts from her sister, parents and himself. Remus send a box as well. 

Severus had gifts from Lily, the Evans parents, Petunia which shocked him, Remus and even Regulus. 

They both tore into them. Severus gave Lily a Slytherin necklace that had been his mother’s. A twisted snake with a small heart shaped locket on the same chain. 

She cried out “Severus this was your mother’s.”

His answer was quite simple, “it’s suited to a woman in Slytherin and you Lily are one. If anyone questions your house point to it. It’s got a bit of magic in it, only a true Slytherin can wear it.” She held her braids in one hand as he put on her neck. It clasped with easy. “It answers your question whether you belong in the house of snakes doesn’t it?” She stroked the snake with one finger. “It does Sev, it does.” Said Lily. 

She opened her present from Regulus which earned another gasp. A sliver comb carved into it were lilies set with Emeralds. With a note saying “lilies for my Lily” and that Narcissa helped pick the combs out. Wondering to herself if the older girl’s offer of friendship was real. Surely she wouldn’t help her cousin find this present if it wasn’t?

Severus asked “so how long?”

Lily answered “about two months”.

Severus asked “why didn’t you tell me?”

Lily answered. “Because I didn’t know what to make of it. Regulus isn’t one to show his emotions, and well I knew you would tell me I was crazy. He’s a pureblood and I am not. His mother you saw how she acted. And then there is Sirius whose just a git.”

Severus spoke “I know Regulus isn’t anything like Sirius Black anymore than James is. He just happens to be his brother, he has no choice in who his mother is. James unlike him chooses to hang around Sirius. He at least has a choice, though I do regularly question why he does. Remus is nice. Regulus is odd, but he’s decent. He’s going to make a lovely head of the Black family one day. If Sirius does what we know he wants to and steps aside.”

. Severus opened his presents Lily got him books that he wanted to read, a Slytherin scarf that was more dressy than school ones. Her parents got him a leather-bound journal, and a lovely new quill and inkpot. Petunia gave him muggle books and a bookmark. Regulus more books. Remus gave him his favorite chocolates. 

When he went to bed that night full, and with his presents put away he thought to himself this was the best Christmas ever. 


	3. Chapter 3

* * *

It was the last day before Severus went back to Hogwarts. He asked Faith if he could go to the cemetery by himself. She hesitated but agreed.

Dressed in his coat, jeans, wool socks, boots and a button-down shirt he walked through the heavy snow to the cemetery entrance. He could see his breath, but it wasn’t snowing or raining. He shoved his gloved hands deeper into his pockets. Tucking the flowers he carried under his arm. The white roses, lilies, and purple irises. He stopped for a second trying to decide if he didn’t want to just set the flowers on her grave without saying a word. He was the only one here, there wasn’t a muggle or wizard in sight.

Too cold he assumed. Today was the best day to tell his mother’s headstone what he needed to say. Maybe she would be listening in wherever souls went after they died. Severus wasn’t a Christian that was far too muggle for his taste. He believed in something but not a God who spat his children for doing what he created them to do. 

Taking a deep breath he walked to her grave. Seeing “Eileen Ava Prince Snape mother, daughter and friend on it” with her date of birth and death. No mention of wife at his request. He set the flowers down in the snow. Realizing as he did it they would wilt quickly. “Moron, idiot, dumbass, freak” he muttered to himself. That’s all he was. “Girl, he she, pansy, dyke, monster, future death eater, Snivy, Snivleous, Snake, Selena Eileen Snape!, daughter, kiddo, my little girl, punching bag, not worth feeding, put on your damn dress!, take a bath!, wash your damn hair greasy, grease bucket!” 

He realized he was screaming towards the sky. But he continues. “Accept what you are! Be a Good Christian. What did you expect SLYTHERIN! BE A PRINCESS! Get my drink for me Doll, Obey your mother and FATHER! He LOVES you! FUTURE DRUG ADDICT, girl from Spinners end, Daddy didn’t mean it!”

Out of breath he fell to his knees in the snow. Unable to catch his breath.

Then he started what he actually wanted to say “Mother Helena told me about what you were. She told me you were like me. She told me about your father. She told me how and why he disowned you, about the seer. About Grandmother. About what kind of witch you were. She would of helped both of us. When he beat me that first time you should of left him. You should of run. He broke our chair over your back. He spent all of our money at the bar and on drugs.

He made you sell yourself. He sometimes watched me like he wanted to do things to me. Horrible things and I couldn’t even tell you MUM. You let him basically kill you. And for what? So you could keep face with your father who never loved you anyway? For your dead mother? For the Malfoys or the Blacks? For what? Honor? Staying with him was not honorable.

He put his cigarettes out on me. He threw beer bottles at my head. He got me drunk when I was six and I don’t remember what he did to me. I can’t remember and I don’t want to. I love you mother, and I hate you. I always will love and hate you. That’s what your child feels. That’s what I always will feel. Your not a victim and your not a monster.

You were a broken woman. The other gendered woman who wouldn’t give her son the potion. It’s your fault I have to live like this. My mother is Faith Evans. You just gave birth to me. And he’s just a monster like your fucking father! You were raised by one and you married one.”

He walked away from her grave to the safety of Faith’s car. She asked nothing, but just drove away. Severus flung his gloves off and into the back seat. Faith stared ahead and said “want to talk about it?”

”No, I do not want to talk about it” Said Severus in dull monotone voice. 

“My brother is visiting this evening, and if you want you can talk to him. He may understand some of this more than I, Harry or even Lily can” Said Faith. 

“I will be polite, but I doubt I will have a interest in talking to him, half of it he may not even understand.”

”Charlie may shock you Severus, but if you don’t want to I will not force you to talk to him. His partner is coming over as well. Sam is a little like yourself, though he doesn’t use the term other gendered.”

”Is he transsexual?”

”He doesn’t exactly use that term, he’s well himself you will see. When you meet him.”

***************************

Severus threw his coat on the hook, chucked his boots off and went to hide in his room. He fiddled with his muggle record player, turning it rather high blasting David Bowie. He couldn’t hear his own thoughts now and that felt good. 

He sat on his bed, eyes shut, trying to forget what he had said at his mother’s grave. He was happy Faith hadn’t joined him this time or worse Lily. His best friend didn’t know what his father had done to him and his mother and he would like to keep it that way.

There was a knock on his door, and voice “Severus you should come out here, your father is insisting on seeing you, and he will not leave. I don’t think he’s drunk though.”

Severus thought why even bother, but the truth was his father when he wanted something wasn’t the type to give in. The damn man would stay out there all night if he had to. And all that would do was make the Evan's look horrible. 

“Stupid mother fucking drunk” he cursed under his breath. “Can’t just leave well enough alone.” He got up shutting the record player off. He ran his fingers through his long hair and sighed. Better get this over with before Faith’s brother visited. He would tell his likely drugged out father to bugger off and never deal with the bastard again.

He opened the door to Lily, and nodded at her. He made his way slowly down the stairs, and met a rather upset Harry at the front door. He had it cracked barely any not allowing Tobias Snape inside of his parlor. Harry allowed Severus to take his place in the doorway, but he stood behind the boy he considered his son, and rested his hand on his pale narrow shoulder.

“What is it father?” hissed Severus. “What do you want from me? You made it clear by locking me out of my home last summer we were done. Come to gloat? Well I don’t want to listen.” Severus tried to shut the door in Tobias’s face. The taller older factory worker stopped him. The man’s sandy brown hair, mud brown eyes and worker’s tan was nothing like Severus. The only feature the father and son shared was their large nose. 

“Now daughter is that anyway to talk to your father? I have missed you. I changed the locks because someone had been robbing houses in the area. I forgot that was the day you were coming home. With your mother being sick I had a lot on my plate” Tobias trying to make himself look like a victim and what couldn’t be explained away sheer accident. 

“Bullshit” Severus hissed. “You didn’t visit my mother once in the hospital. The neighborhood is always being robbed, and you have never changed the locks before. Maybe your new girlfriend felt safer with them? Huh? Did you even wait for mother to die? No doubtful.”

”You little Shit, think you know everything because you go to that magical school. Think you're better than me? Think you're smarter? Three hundred years ago they of burned your fucking ass at the stake. That’s what I should have done with the both of you. Drowned you at birth and killed that whore of a mother of yours. Girl, you are nothing you're a worthless piece of crap. Your nothing but a freaking tranny, with magic. You're a freak. The most horrible thing on this earth.”

Severus laughed hotly “says the drunk, the drug addict, who can’t keep a job and lives in Spinners End. Mother’s magic could have given you such a nice life father if you could have pulled your head out of your fucking ass.”

And with that, he slammed the door in his father’s face. It felt so good to do that. To be able to turn the locks and keep the monster out of where he lived. He slid to the floor and stared at Harry “call the police if he’s not gone in five minutes, they know him well and have no problem making him spend a night in jail. The magical world gave Faith paperwork that proves she has custody of one Severus Alexander Snape, and to them, that’s what I am.”

Harry nodded and then offered the boy hand up. 

***************************

Severus sat in the living room his eyes taking in the sight of Faith’s brother and his boyfriend. Charlie has blonde hair and blue eyes. Sam’s hair was down his back longer than even Lucius’s Malfoy’s it was however jet black. His eyes a sharp olive green. 

They were both in muggle clothes. Charlie far more masculine than Sam. Boots, slacks and a button down shirt. Same was in a shirt that looked like it could either way on gender it was loose, purple and just odd to Severus. He didn’t know what to make of it. Black jeans and those were not what he thought they were? They were! Women’s shoes. 

Severus while being what he was, was use to the traditional even downright conservative wizarding world. Sam was just different than anyone else he had ever met, not bad just different. 

Charlie then spoke “Severus my sister has told me a small bit about your situation if you want to ever talk we can, you can even “owl me” I will give you my address. My parents weren’t that nice when I came out either. I know it’s not the same as your situation, but I can at least listen if you want me to. Might even have some advice. And I don’t mind if all you want to do is tell me to back off old man. I work with LGBT kids in London and I am well use to it. As is Sam for that matter. He works with kids whose experience gender differently from cis folks. He’s somewhere in between gender though his pronouns are still male.”

Severus’s question shocked everyone in the room “can I owl Sam instead?”

Sam looked up from his cup of tea, “sure Severus, I don’t mind at all. If you want we can sit in the kitchen while I explain how I came out.”

”I would love that, and I also have some questions for you” said Severus.

***************************

They were back at Hogwarts Lily was sitting on his bed. He was half dressed in his uniform, sweater, dress pants, shirt and socks. Lily was similarly dressed but in muggle clothes. She sat cross legged in her jeans on his bed. 

He finally had the time and courage to ask her about Regulus. “So how did you two get together? He said taking a sip of his mug of tea, and then setting it on his nightstand. 

“We got together like any other couple” said Lily. 

Severus rolled his eyes at the comment. “There is more than that, right that you have to say?”

”Sev, bloody hell. First we started talking about books. And then spell crafting, then classes, then our siblings, and our dreams and wishes. And then well he kissed me.” She blushed at the end. “So what about you and James then?”

”That’s far more simplified, we were friends I liked him, didn’t believe he could like me, and then well after Sirius thing he told me he liked me”.

“How is dealing with Sirius going?”

“It’s not, he spends his time with James and I spend my time with James. We avoid each other at all costs. Less fights that way.”

”Going to Hogsmeade this weekend?”

Severus nodded.

****************

James pulled out Severus’s chair in the leaky caldron. It caused his boyfriend to blush.

James said “I will order butterbeer anything else?”

”Lemon bar if they have them today.”

”So two butter beers, lemon bar and cherry pie, got it”. James went the bar to order. The deserts were actually from the bakery a few doors down. The barmaid told him it be a few minutes on the deserts, and handed him the butter beers, which he brought back to the table where Severus was sitting. Who nodded taking his drink and then sipping it. 

“How is this quidditch season going?” Asked Severus.

James teased “you would know if you went to games”.

”Where is the fun in that boy wonder? I would have to support the other team anyway. Slytherins can’t support Gryffindors you know that don’t you?”

”Unless they have a Gryffindor boyfriend” said James winking. 

Severus saw Lily and Regulus sitting together in a far corner table. Looking at James saying “I know how a Gryffindor can support Slytherin right now, lets go ask Lily and Regulus if we can sit with them.”

James groaned. Lily was horrible in his opinion. She created this spell which hung people upside down by one leg. When a Gryffindor hexed her? Evans used that spell on her threatening to dump the girl into the lake! 

If he didn’t know bits and pieces from Severus about their childhood he would think the girl was a pureblood witch. Maybe she wanted to be, but the truth was she never was going to be. And dating Regulus Black was playing with fire. And she was going to get burned. 

James did not realize the fact that he was no better than Lily just in a different house color. He and Sirius had locked a Slytherin first year boy in a hall closet. They left him in there for four hours. The boy didn’t tell Severus because he knew he was dating the Gryffindor boy. James also hexed a 6th year Slytherin’s girl Gryffindor red and gold. 

Sirius was more muggle in his ways of bullying. Tripping students, pushing them off the last few steps of the stairs, shoving, pushing, kicking, knocking a Slytherin first year girl into the lake. 

Together the two used both muggle and wizarding methods to bully.

Severus didn’t ignore what Sirius did, he also didn’t totally ignore what James did for the most part. Most people just didn’t tell him what his boyfriend did. It’s not like James brought a Slytherin firstie to tease and torment on their dates.

James followed Severus to the table with his Slytherin friends. Lily and Regulus were sitting on the same side as each other as if they were waiting on someone to meet them, though their food and drinks were in front of them half eaten. Maybe they just like to cuddle? Thought James. Which they were doing. Regulus’s head was on Lily’s shoulder. 

Lily spoke “hi Sev and Potter. You can sit with us, we are going to go to the bookshop and Honeydukes when we are done. You can join us if you would like.”

James started to answer and Severus cut him off saying “we would love to? Wouldn’t we James?”

James nodded. Thinking to himself to have Severus meant he had to put up with Lily and other “Slytherins” he deemed good one of which happened to be Regulus Black, unfortunately. He just wouldn’t tell Sirius next time he saw him. They sat down on the opposite side of the table of the Slytherin pair. 

Severus noticed Lily’s hair it was pinned back on the right side, while the left covered her shoulder and cheek. She was dressing in typical muggle clothing. A teal sweater, with lace details, a pair of dangling earrings, and the necklace he had given her. 

Regulus looked like a pureblood wizard. A dark grey woolen cloak was on the back of his chair, he wore a dark blue nearly black button-down shirt, an old-looking ring, and a pair of slacks. 

Severus took a sip of his butter beer and spoke “Regulus how are your classes going?” 

“Good. Actually, transfigurations isn’t easy though Lily has been helping some. McGonagall tends to also favor Gryffindors which doesn’t help. Potions is easy. Charms I understand the concept, but the in practice is the struggle.”

Regulus asked “what about you Severus?”

”Potions like you are easy, I have been try to actually help James. Care of Magical creatures is the bane of my existence. I know it can be useful, but besides Elder I am not great with animals. As much as I wish I was”.

James moaned “can we talk about anything, but school work? It’s Saturday”.

Lily said “Quidditch to me counts as school, so anything but that and school then?”

James rolled his eyes and said “quidditch isn’t school”.

“We could talk about books, music, or the new minister of magic?” asked Severus not expecting a answer. 

Lily added “I think he’s a fool, surely in someone’s pocket, but I can’t for the life of me figure out who.”

Regulus said “any number of people Dumbledore, Malfoy senior, my uncle, Mr Greengrass, Rosiers have the money though they aren’t the type, Mrs Longbottom has the money as well, honestly anyone could be pulling his strings.”

They each made their cases James someone dark like a Black, or Malfoy. Severus throwing out other possibilities, Lily thought it could be the Greengrasses they tended to pick whatever side was winning. while Regulus made cases against both light and dark people.

No one could figure out which side the Black heir was on. It puzzled James greatly he couldn’t get a proper read of him. He seemed just grey. Lily was in it to protect her own neck. Severus was the curve ball suggesting people they never considered. He thought things out so differently from the other three.

When finished they left the bar, together one witch and three wizards. James thought for a second maybe Sirius was wrong, Lily and Regulus weren’t that bad. Surely no different than Severus.

First they went to the book shop. Severus pointed to him on books on the topic of quidditch and went to the back of the store following the other pair.

Lily kept looking at books that could be considered grey, picking them up, reading a little and setting them back on the self. Some of those authors views on muggles, made her sick. But the magic itself drew her in. She settled on a book that the author simply hinted muggles were stupid, but not another species all together. It had many interesting references to spell creation, she would simply ignore the parts about muggles.

Severus ran his fingers over a better version of a potion book then the one that was required for the class, that would do. He reached for another on threstals that would do too. 

Regulus was looking at books comparable to what Lily was looking at though these didn’t seem to shock him in the slightest. It was just a fact to him, old authors viewed muggles at best as stupid at worst well livestock. He didn’t understand it in some ways, Lily was one of the most powerful students in her year, surely the most powerful witch.

Hell even the dark lord from rumors was keeping his eye on the redheaded muggleborn witch. Surely she wasn’t less than Margret Harper? She bested her classmate in every subject! One day his mother would see how wonderful Lily Evans was, and open her arms to her, or at least tolerate that for now and possibly forever she was Regulus’s choice. 

He settled on a book on family magic, he hasn’t read something on the subject before. When done the trio go to pay for their books. James found something as well, though it was on how quidditch became a sport. Both Severus and Regulus thought at least it was a book, and he had to read it. It could be far worse. He could of found the section of wizard comics or the porn which you had to go through a door to find. Though that did have a age spell on it. Maybe he had heard from Sirius that it chucked anyone under the age of eighteen out on their ass.

The sweet shop was their last stop, James finally got the courage to ask Regulus “aren’t you too young to be in the village?” 

Regulus answered “well yes, but I got a pass from Slughorn to take Lily on a date. He wants to support young love of two of his slugclub members. Likely hoping because of it he will get a invite to the wedding. Maybe even get in the papers”. “Black heir marries muggleborn witch, met at Slugclub”.

“Your joking, right?” Laughed James.

”About thinking he will get in the paper because of it? He does however likely think he will get an invite to the wedding though if we end up married. We didn’t even meet in his club we met on the train last fall, anyway.”

”How did that happen anyway?” Asked James slightly curious. 

“I was sitting alone, and she came in all alone. She was the prettiest girl I had ever seen. You have seen Lily and your a man, so you know.”

“Actually Reggie I am Gay, but go on”.

“She asked if she could join me, and then we started talking she’s in Slytherin so it made it easier. And friendship became something else.”

”What does Mrs Black think?”

”You saw her reaction at the ball, she was spitting nails. If Sirius wasn’t dating Lupin, it all would focused on me, and I don’t want to even think about what she’s capable of. Father would put at stop to most of it, and her suggestion to send us both to Dumstrag. He put his foot down on that one. Saying his family has been going to Hogwarts since there was a Hogwarts. Which her answer well it’s my family too, and we aren’t going to have proper heirs if this keeps up.”

“What did he say?”

”His answer still shocks me, we do have proper heirs wife, you just can’t fucking see it. Then he went to his study.”

”Do you think he will support you and Evans?”

”She’s a Slytherin and that’s the most important thing to him. He may prefer a pureblood or halfblood, but you see how she is with magic. She’s amazing. She’s wonderful. I think I love her.”

”I think I can understand that. Even if i can’t understand what you see in her. She’s well Evans.”

”And I wouldn’t have her any other way. What do you see in Severus then.”

”You wouldn’t even make her a halfblood or pureblood?” Asked James. 

“I think that would just change her, make her someone else. Someone she’s not. And I love all of Lily Jane Evans. Every last bit of her. And your dodging my question what is it you see in Severus Snape?”

”Your a love struck fool Black if there ever was one. But no more than myself. What I see in Severus that’s a long story.....” The two pureblood heirs left their partners in the sweet shop as they walked outside to talk. Finally it seemed coming to a understanding of sorts. 

*******************

Severus Snape was 15 now. The second set of potions seemed to work as well as the first. He would likely always be shorter than James it was just a fact. His own mother had been short as well. He remembered her tiny thin frame, barely five foot three inches. He would be a few inches taller than her it seemed. 

He felt the small amount of stubble on his chin. It wasn’t much but he loved the feeling. Hogwarts had a strict policy for its students on facial hair, so he would have to shave it in the morning as much as it pained him to do so. He had homework to do, but James said “he had a way they could practice spells at night safely and not get caught”. They were working on a spell called the Patronus charm.

He needed to think of happy a memory to produce it. The problem was for him no memory was actually that happy. It was the combination of them, because most of his had a tinge of darkness to them. 

He had been told he would hear a knock, and no one would be at his door to just leave it open for a minute and James would show him how he got around the castle unseen. 

He heard the knock. Opened the door, waited, shut it, and out popped Potter from a invisibility cloak.

And Severus's eyes nearly popped out of his head. “How did you get this? Where did you get this from? And why didn’t you tell me before?”

James shrugged his shoulders and then spoke, “it’s from my father and his father before him and so on. I didn’t tell you Sev because I worried you might tattle on me. Or hate me for using it. Or Merlin knows what else. I should of told you sooner. But I am telling you now, want to go practice that spell? With the war coming we are going to need it.”

”James I forgive you, so long as you let me borrow it at times. And do not share the information about it with the headmaster, ever. We are only fifteen we aren’t going to fight in any war.”

”I will let you borrow it, when I don’t need it, never tell the headmaster about it, and on the war part I disagree”.

Severus just shook his head and said “okay outside we go I guess.” 

They pulled the cloak of invisibility over their shoulders and heads. It did not cover both boy’s feet, but it would have to do. They first walked through the Slytherin common room and then out of the dungeons. They didn’t realize that Sirius Black was following them. He hid in the shadows. Once in front of the lake they took of the cloak. James haphazardly folded it and laid it on the ground. 

“You go first Severus, think of happy memories”.

Severus thought hard he thought of Lily their first meeting, of Faith hugging him, of Harry’s kind smile as he sat in the chair by the fire, of James’s kisses, of Remus's gentle teasing, of Elder when he finally allowed him to pet him. He thought about the very feeling in his heart when he knew he was loved. And with those feelings he spoke the spell. A beautiful sliver doe stood in front of them. Her eyes staring straight at James. Who smiled at her. 

“We are meant to be Severus like the sun and moon, opposites but tied together”.

Severus asked “what do you mean?”

To answer the question James said the spell with memories of Severus in his mind and hence forth came his stag. Who looked at the doe two Patronus’s played together chasing each other, and before they disappeared they stopped to nuzzle one another.

James laughed and picked the smaller boy up ever so slightly staring in the moon light into his boyfriend’s bright black eyes, “that is what I mean Severus Alexander Snape, one day you will be Severus Alexander Potter if magic has a say, and I promise you she surely does. She made us for each other. Like sun and moon, night and day.”

Severus said “like light and darkness” knowing which of the two he was. 

James said “Severus I personally love the dark, and the light would be meaningless without it. Two halves we are love, two halves that are meant to be together forever. Soul mates in a way.”

Sirius rested crouched behind a rock about twenty feet away. He hated the truth, he hated that both James’s and Severus’s words were true as surely as the sun rose and set. As surely as there was magic in his very bones. The same power under his skin that he loved more than his very life, had brought James and Severus together. And he could not argue with that. He stood to go back to the castle, a small branch snapping under his foot as he did so. 

“Shit”, hissed Severus “someone else is out here.”

”Show yourself” shouted James. “Now! I don’t care who you are, show yourself or I will make you pay for watching us like the creep you are!”

Sirius cast a Lumos and said “James it’s just me, your best friend. Your first friend. You’re not going to hurt me are you.”

”I should Siri. I should gut you and leave you here for all to see.”

Severus spoke hand resting on James’s arm “I am happy he saw that Jamie, maybe now he will stop trying to break us up every chance he gets. Maybe he will stop insisting I am dark. Only those with pure hearts can cast a Patronus. Maybe now he will realize he can never have you, love. That you are taken and bound to me by magic herself.”

Sirius nodded his face lit up by his own faint wand lite. He would never raise a wand or hand to Severus again. He was his best friend’s soul mate or as close as you could get. 

“Say it Black. Out loud” said Severus hissing in tone. 

“I will not try and separate you two again. Or hurt your Severus.” 

“Go on there is more Sirius” said James

”I will only call him Severus or Snape, nothing else.”

James asked “now what should his punishment be Severus?”

Severus answered “he doesn’t get one bit of the cloak to hide under, and if caught he must tell the person who catches him he was out at the lake all by himself.”

”I think that works Severus, now get along Sirius back to the dorm room. On you go.”

Severus smirked in Sirius’s direction. Black was a pureblood, he knew what similar magic meant. He knew he had no hope to ever be with James now. That the dirty, stringy, snarky half-blood was who his best friend was going to be with.

James spoke, “you should pity Sirius in a way Severus he has someone who loves him more than life itself, and yet he was chasing after someone who was happy with someone else and not even interested in him.”

”Maybe, but it’s Friday night want to spend the night in my dorm?”

”Sure, Severus of course I do.”

**********************

They shut the door pulling off the cloak off their shoulders. Severus smiled at James in lantern light, and then kissed him. Severus felt James’s tongue in his mouth and then it was on his neck and James started nibbling on his neck. 

Severus whimpered “ I hav-ve thes-e things cal-led con-dom-s they are made by muggle-s and it means we can have se-x even with me on the pot-ion.”

James eyes widen and he stopped and said “we can! You want to? Sev we thought we would have to wait until we were married?”

Severus spoke “we don’t have to wait love, and I want you more than anything.”

James and Severus went back to kissing, stopping to yank each other’s clothing off. They then went for each other’s trousers. James started teasing kisses around Severus’s binder. “Can I take this off Sev? I promise not to do anything you don’t want me to. And I will touch you there as little or as much as you want.”

Severus “sighed it’s fine, James, please you know what’s there, and I want to feel your skin against mine”. The binder was pulled over Severus’s head and then both boy’s boxers were off. They made their way to Severus’s bed. Severus grabbed the condom and placed it next to them on the bed. Then he reached for James’s penis. Which caused the boy to buck. “God’s that feels good.”

Severus tore open the condom package and rolled it onto James. He realized just how wet he was, and then caused James to lay back. Then he got on James’s penis, hissing at the feeling of James inside of him. Who cried out “Sev that feels amazing, Gods your so amazing. So wonderful you feel so good.”

Severus bent down kissing James as he rolled his hips as James bucked up. They made love to each other. And James felt as if he was in heaven. He came into the condom and Severus collapsed on to his chest. James asked “you didn’t cum did you?” 

Severus rolled off of James and whispered “no, I didn’t, but it’s fine. I made you feel good and I felt sort of good.” Severus blushed a shade of scarlet down to his bellybutton. 

James said to Severus “well I disagree you shouldn’t just feel sort of good, love let me take care of you.”

Severus nodded his head. And laid back. James licked Severus’s belly button causing him to twitch. He ran his fingers down to his boyfriend’s clit. 

Severus couldn’t help but hiss “there, right there”.

James rubbed there, and then Severus whimpered, crying out. Gods that felt so good. James’s sucked on Severus’s nipple. Pale fingers tangled in black wild hair. Severus cried out loudly as he came. His body felt like it wasn’t his own, and yet it was so wonderful. James tugged on Severus’s long hair, kissing him, and plunging his tongue into the other’s mouth. 

They both stopped kissing they were covered in sweat, and yet they shivered. James laid next to Severus. “Your amazing Sev, the most beautiful, wondrous person I have ever met. I can’t imagine my life without you. I love you, your prefect, and yet I will do whatever I need so you feel comfortable in your own skin. And I love you the same even with those changes.”

Severus ran his fingers down James’s chest. “I love you James. I will always love, I want to be with you as long as you will have me. But let’s get some sleep now, I feel tired, but amazing.”

They curled around each other Severus’s head on James’s chest.

***************************

They we’re sixteen now. They were in their sixth year, Severus could not believe it in many ways, someday soon he and James would marry. It had to wait until their seventh year was over though. Lily thought he was crazy, why would anyone want to go and get married so young? They had lives to live. Real lives to live. Things to do, places to see, and as she put it “he just wanted to shack up with Potter”.

Severus wanted a simple life. He wanted children, a husband, to run a mail-order potion’s business after he got his masters, to have a nice house and food on the table. He wanted to live in the wizarding world. He wanted a normal and typical life. 

Lily on the other hand wanted to be a famous spell crafter. She wanted to be respected, she wanted to see the world, let people see how powerful a muggleborn could be. Sometimes it scared Severus how power-hungry Lily was. She hung out with the likes of the now Narcissa Malfoy of all people! And her sister who married a Lestrange brother.

Regulus wasn’t helping his girlfriend stay well light. He seemed to be in it just as much as she. Hanging around Avery and the other Slytherin boys in Severus’s year and Regulus’s own. The friends did stay close they just didn’t talk about power, or the fact Severus wanted to be something boring as married with children and a small business owner.

When Lily said that Purebloods generally were more powerful than Muggleborns it scared Severus to his very core. 

“Lily Jane Evans! You're a muggleborn. Your not some Black sister or Greengrass daughter! You're a freaking muggleborn. The people you hang out with see you as someone who shouldn’t be allowed with Regulus! That you will dirty his pureblood line. The boy’s parents are second cousins for Merlin's sake. No good comes out of marriages that close!”

Lily jumped off the rock they were sitting on spinning Severus like some fiend spitting out her words with clear venom, “Severus not all of us like our blood status, not all have pureblood mothers. Though the truth is yours wasn’t much to speak of. She was a blood traitor. I have been told by Mrs. Black herself I can marry Regulus. My power is great enough, and the other choices I have made will make me an okay match. Every book I read that references muggles has nothing good to say about them. Look at how your father is, he is the worst kind of muggle!

Do you realize if I had been born in the 1500s, I would have been burned at the stake for showing accidental magic? I want to do something to stop muggles from doing those things again. If they found out about us they would want us locked in cages. I want a better world for our children and our children’s children. I am going to change the world and you should join me. And not marry Potter the potty-mouthed.”

Severus said head in his hands “I don’t know who you are now Lily. You have somehow lost your freaking Mind” he stared at his friend for the last part. “The purebloods aren’t always good people. Not every muggle is a good person. For every Avery, there is the muggle version of him like my father. But for every Mrs Potter, there are your parents. Muggles aren’t going to kill us, Lilly! They are never going to know about us! The wizarding world all over the world has an international policy in place to stop just that.

I don’t know what you did to allow Mrs Black to accept yours and Regulus’s relationship and possible marriage, but you're scaring me. Like seriously scaring me. And you will not call my mother that horrid term again if you want to stay with my friend Lily Jane Evans. If it ever crosses your lips about my mother again I am done! You have become dark in this last year. You always seemed more likely to do things than others, but now you're using freaking semi-dark spells and creating them! Have you lost all sense? Are you some fake Lily and the real one is in a chest somewhere? I want my best friend back!”

They heard laughter behind their shoulder. “Shit”, said Severus. “Lily please go back to the castle.”

Lily hissed “I am not scared of stupid Gryffindors, not even the disowned Black brother”. 

“He’s not going to hurt me Lily. You on the other hand......”

”I don’t care Severus I can take him, I want to teach him a lesson.”

”I will not be a part of this Lily, see you later.”

Severus climbed off the rock, passing Sirius as he did so. James was not with him it was Peter. Merlin he should go help her. Sirius first spelled soap in her mouth, causing Lily to cough and wheeze.

He shouted “stop it Sirius leave her alone”. Pink bubbles were falling out of Lily’s mouth. Her green eyes like daggers. Her wand was in Sirius’s hand 

Sirius laughed “why should I, Sevy, why should I? She’s the little muggleborn who believes in blood purity. The muggle who thinks of herself as a mudblood.”

Lily vomited on the ground, but finally there wasn’t bubbles in her mouth. Severus tried to get Lily’s wand from Sirius. Which only got the reaction was “Sevy stop acting like a muggle, sure your not the muggleborn and she’s not the halfblood from a dark family. I bet she knew a ton of dark curses by the end of her first year!”

Sirius then used Lily’s own spell against her. Hanging her upside down by one leg. And she was was in her school skirt and robes. The girl she had done it to had been in jeans. Other children had surrounded them. Laughing at the Slytherin girl, with the killing curse colored eyes. Severus stuck his wand to Sirius’s chin. Regulus somehow had joined Severus. One on each side. 

“Let her down, NOW Sirius!” They said together. Black and grey eyes flaming. 

Sirius laughed, “it’s no harm sweetie and little brother. Your girlfriend isn’t hurt I am just having fun.” Lily’s wand was tossed at her feet. And then Sirius dropped her like a ton of bricks. Spelling off her skirt as he did so. He considered spelling off her underwear, but Reggie might have killed him then. Even so, if looks could kill he would be dead with the way Snape was looking at him. 

The two Slytherin boys, were next to their friend. Her robes were tightly wrapped around her body. As she sat in the snow shivering. Her eyes blazed, her face bright red, Severus tried to help her up, but she shoved him away. “I don’t need help from Potter’s future wife! Go kiss James Potter’s ass like you always do. You are the fake Slytherin Severus Snape the traitor of your family line. No wonder the Princes cast you off. Your mother would spit in your face if she saw you now you know.”

The words stung Severus like nothing else would, even more than names about his mother’s status, his face turned harsh, he looked at her like he wanted to hit her. He snarled “at least I am not a future death eater and the future wife of one! Got a mark on one of those arms, shall we take a look? The muggleborn death eater going to kill her own kind!”

He left her and Regulus sitting at the lake as he fled back to the castle, leaving his school bag behind. 


	4. Chapter 4

Lily left Severus alone for a few weeks, trying to allow her friend’s anger to dissipate. He was no longer sitting with her in classes and was borrowing James’s or Remus’s books. She knew he wanted his potions book back. But he shut himself off from her. Ignoring all Slytherins for the most part unless he could not. He hid in his room instead of spending time in the common room. 

Regulus was not happy, he actually had tried to speak to Severus and got hexed. The friendship the two had made was long gone. Her and Regulus’s choices seemed to upset Severus greatly. He just couldn’t understand if she didn’t make the choices she did she couldn’t marry Regulus. One night when she was sitting in the common room she saw Severus’s door open no enter or exit and it shut. Well, that’s odd she thought to herself.

She would try and give Severus his books back tomorrow even if it meant tossing them at him.

*******************

Severus greeted James when he came into his room with a kiss. His boyfriend visited him every Friday for nearly a year now. It was one of the few things Severus had to look forward to. He hadn’t been feeling well these last few weeks, vomiting up nearly all of his meals he thought it was because he was upset because of what Lily had said, the stress of not having his books, and in general just life as a whole.

He wasn’t looking forward to this summer and how uncomfortable the Evans house was going to be with Lily and him not on speaking terms. Would they kick him out? After they had adopted him? Where would he go? He had no money no house, and his father and himself hadn’t spoken in years. He had to likely make up with her to simply keep a roof over his head death eater or not.

At least until they graduated. Surely she wouldn’t speak to him after that? When she became like those people? He was going to marry James who wanted to be an Auror and join the order of the Phoenix, and Severus was going to join with him. They could use his potion skills after all. He wasn’t going to be one though. He had seen enough violence in his young life to last a lifetime. He could brew their potions and stay behind the lines. 

“Get undressed, Sev let me love you properly,” James said in his ear, peppering kisses along his pale neck. 

Severus Snape did as his boyfriend asked. Stripping till he was naked. James licked his lips and followed suit. 

Severus wanted to do something nice for James, he had been working up the courage after the time it went so badly and he gagged, which led to him finishing James off with his hands instead. He dropped to his knees on the carpet in the center of his room near where James stood. “Come here and let me take care of you, Jamie.”

“You don’t have to do that Sev....”

Severus tried to be seductive knowing he was likely failing, and then went for coy, “but I want to love, I want to take care of you. I want to taste you”. Truth was Severus’s low back hurt and he didn’t feel up to sex, but James clearly from the fact his cock was already at half-mast he wanted to have it. Maybe he could get James to give him a massage after. Merlin that would be wonderful, and he didn’t even want a happy ending to it. 

James stepped forward “if you're sure, then yeah I would love you too.”

Severus went to work, he loved the feeling of James heavy on his tongue, and his fingers in his hair. Twisting, tightening and tugging. It caused Severus to moan. Which caused James to think he could push in more. And Severus was gagging. He felt so sick to his stomach, he shouldn’t have eaten dinner tonight. He pulled back. Dry heaving, red-faced and rung out. 

“Severus, you don’t have to do this, you know that right? We can do something else if you would rather...”

”James it’s not that and I am going to be sick”, Severus couldn’t help himself every bit of his dinner came up. And then bolted to the bathroom where bile continued to come up. 

James spelled the floor clean and joined Severus in the loo. He wet a washcloth and wiped Severus’s mouth for him. “It’s more than what we were doing isn’t?”

Severus nodded. 

“How long, then have you been getting sick?”

”A few weeks.”

”Have you seen Madam Pomfrey?”

Severus shook his head.

”Why not Sev?”

“Because I am scared Jamie, scared because remember when the condom broke? I could be....I could be....”

”Pregnant” James sighed head in his hands. “Love it’s better to know, so we can figure things out than ignore it. First we need to see Madam Pomfrey tomorrow morning, and then if your correct we need to owl both my parents and the Evans, I know it’s not what you want to hear, but if you are we cannot go about this alone. We knew this could happen. It’s life that it could. And before you go on about how madam Pomfrey is going to be so angry about this? We aren’t the first couple this happened to. We aren’t likely even the first this year. And unlikely the rest of them? It’s not because we forgot to use a charm. Now go have a glass of water or something. I will get some pajamas for you, and I will sleep in my boxers tonight.”

”....”

”No buts Severus, you aren’t up for anything more, than sleeping tonight. I will just take a cold shower and we can get ready for bed.”

”Jamie my back hurts, I wanted to take a pain potion, but if I am.... you know it could hurt the... you know. Could you massage my back?”

”Let me shower, you go get boxers on if you would rather just sleep in those or have a shirt set aside.” He whispered into Severus’s ear “wait for me on your stomach in bed, and I will take care of you, you still have the good oil don’t you?”

Severus blushed and nodded, he did as he was told. He waited about fifteen minutes like that, then he felt oil warmed hands on his back working at the knots. He laid there helpless under James’s hands

************************

Severus next morning left his room, and the common room with James under his cloak next to him. They found a empty classroom where James could take off the cloak and act like he just simply came from there. Which is what he did tucking his cloak into his bag as he did so. He quickly joined Severus and they walked to the hospital wing without speaking a word. Severus out fear of the unknown, or the truth was known and what it would do, but not yet confirmed. 

James feared how would he take care of his possibly family. Would he even be able to finish Hogwarts? Would he have to take a crappy underpaying job? How was he going to take care of “his Severus” with only a sixth-year education and that’s if he was allowed to finish it. Why weren’t they more careful? Why didn’t they wait until they graduated?

Because it felt so wonderful to make love or what he thought was making love to his boyfriend, no matter the risk. Kisses weren’t enough to sate him, and then Severus offered a muggle solution to a wizarding problem. But neither wizarding or muggle solutions are always perfect.

He opened the door for Severus, who gave him an odd look as he did so. The madam greeted them as they entered asking why they were here on such a beautiful Saturday. 

And as he tried to answer Severus vomited his tiny bit of breakfast up on the madam’s shoe. He started to apologize, and she shushed him. Her hand on his pale forehead. “Not warm child, so no fever, what seems to be bothering you besides the vomiting?”

James pulled out a handkerchief and handed it to Severus so he could wipe his mouth, once he was done James’s arm snaked around Severus’s thin waist palm on the other boy’s hip. The paler of the two leaned his head on the other’s shoulder, and he spoke stuttering scared to say the words out loud, “I think I am Pregnant.”

Severus’s face turned to stone, he wasn’t going to let the woman get to him no matter what. What was done was done. Pregnant or not she had zero right to judge him. 

Pomfrey said “now let’s make sure that’s the case child, upon the cot you go. The Potter boy can stay for this if you like. I assume he’s the other possible father to be?”

James and Severus nodded, and the smaller teen did what he was told laying back on the flat pillow. He sighed and didn’t know what result he was wishing for. And that scared him. If pregnant the vomiting was normal, if not something was likely seriously wrong with him. A child at least could be seen as yes early but still a good thing. Sickness was another story. 

Madam Pomfrey did the spills and then made a surprised sound. “I am sorry Mr Snape and Mr Potter your fears are founded to be correct. Mr Snape is three and a half months pregnant. It’s the middle December so Severus you got pregnant at the beginning of this school year, and your due in June about roughly the 20th. I will go get some information for you two. Severus you have to stop your potion, I can give you one that can help you, but will not affect the fetus. And I think you should start some mental health potions”.

Severus said, “But I don’t need them.”

“You will and your body is going to change, you're going to hate the way you look, how your body changes, it’s going to look and feel more feminine. I consulted a friend who has more experience with those like yourself in Europe, where it is more common. He said if you were to ever become pregnant to put you on both an anti-anxiety potion and anti-depression potion. Potions unlike muggle meds will not harm you if you don’t need it. It will just help you stay at your baseline. Severus this will be the hardest thing you ever have done. I can’t do an abortion spell because it’s tied to your magical core, the magic I would have to use would damage your core. And with muggle mean they might not help you.”

Severus spoke “I have never considered an abortion I respect those who choose them, but it isn’t for me Madam Pomfrey. I will take them, the potions you have suggested. Is there anything I can do for nausea? And I know you must let the headmaster know. James and I will send owls to our parents. I should be able to finish out the year, have my child and if something can be figured out sit for my NEWTS early or attend next year correct?”

“There is a nausea potion, I also want you to take a nutrition potion, with how bad your vomiting is we may have to spell it into you passed your stomach. If you can’t keep it down. Yes I must tell the headmaster I will go Fire call him now.”

James kneeled next to Severus’s cot, where the other boy still lay he asked: “how can you be so strong about this Severus?”

“James you never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have. This isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. It’s not even in the top ten. This is something that should have happened later, but we can make do now.”

The boy with the hazel eyes grabbed the had of the other and kissed every single one of his long pale fingers, saying as he did so “I love you, Severus, I love your courage, your bravery, your strength, your heart of gold, your snark, your cunningness, your ambition, your willingness to put others first, your gentle soul, and most of all Severus that you choose me.”

The Madam stepped back behind the curtain, her brown eyes still showing the worry she had for Severus’s future. This ambitious Slytherin was going to likely not be any different from her other charges who had children young, someone who didn’t use their Hogwarts education. A well treated bird, but a bird still in a cage captured by their lover. Insnared to raise children, keep house and look nice at balls. She thinks to Narcissa Malfoy just graduated and recently married last summer. She was also four months pregnant with her first child at the time. Now she was raising the baby a little girl named Laurel Lyra Malfoy, a odd name but it fit flower like her mother, but the middle name in the Black tradition of star names. 

She thinks of Nancy Moody, Heather Avery, Silva Greengrass, Kira Lestrange, most of the Black women in the last half’s century, and so many more. Severus Snape would be an odd name to add to that list, surely she never thought she would add a boy to that mental list, and here she was doing just that. If only Hogwarts had a sex education class! Most of these pregnancies wouldn’t happen. Severus may have due to the potions, but he was simply one child giving up their childhood to bring another child into this world. And as much as they would argue with her they all were still children, even those who could use magic outside of school. Seventeen was of age in the wizarding world, but to hear if you still were in school you were still a child.

She spoke to them “no need to owl your parents the headmaster is getting ahold of them, I suggest you boys go and have a rest, today’s not going to be easy for either of you. I believe Severus should have his own room, James is that he’s already pregnant show this note to the portrait and anyone who questions why your there. Go boys go rest, prepare for what is to come, life isn’t going to be easy for either of you from now on.” She handed Severus various potions and told him what to take when, and what was as needed and how often he could take it, if he could not keep the potions down, they may have to first spell them into his intestines, and then if that didn’t work consider other options. 

He took the one for nausea before leaving the hospital wing. Which mostly stayed down, even with some of it coming up, he felt his nausea his constant companion for the last few weeks dissipate some. He thanked Merlin, it was wonderful it wasn’t fully gone but it was now manageable.

They walked to the Slytherin dorms showing the slip of paper to those who asked about James. They were allowed to go on to his room without much fuss. Once inside they stripped to their boxers and hid under the covers like the children their actions would no longer allow them to be. They were going to be parents in roughly six months and it scared James half to death at the very idea. 

A few hours later they received an owl (Elder) brought it, saying they had to go to Headmaster Dumbledore’s office. James dressed, but he was staring at Severus. His boyfriend’s belly was no longer concave, but ever so slightly rounded. His pale-skinned glowed, his black hair thicker than it has ever been. His limbs were still long and thin.

Severus wasn’t facing him digging out his clothes from his trunk slacks of charcoal grey, button-down shirt white, and black sweater. He then pulled on his boots and pulled on his fur-lined coat from the Potters.

James when he too was dressed they held hands and went to face James’s parents and Evans. As they walked through the common room Lily’s eyes turned in saucers. She at near the fire, legs hanging over the side of an armchair. Her book slipped from her fingers and fell to the floor with a heavy clunk. 

“Severus we need to talk, I am sorry, please forgive me I never should have said those horrible things to you. You're my first friend, for so long my only friend. You were the one who introduced me to magic. I wouldn’t be who I am without you Severus, please let me fix this please be my friend again” Lily cried out as she walked over to them. 

“Lily then join us for the conversation we are going to have with the headmaster, and if you don’t react with anger and actually want to support me you will not,” said Severus motioning for her to follow them.

James grumbled and muttered “why should she be allowed to hear this? She’s a future death eater? She’s dangerous. She’s horrible, she’s said nasty things to you.”

Severus snarls “they say I am a future death eater. They say I am a monster. Rumor has it your only with me because I feed you love potions. I if you ask Sirius Black knew more curses in my first year than a Seventh year Slytherin. Does any of that happen to be true? Do you believe any of it? If you believe one sliver of that James this relationship should end here and now with what we know.”

He says in a whisper so only James may here “I will not raise a child with a man who believes all Slytherins are monsters. That because a house someone is put in sets the path for their life. I have let you get away with so much James Charles Potter that ends now. A schoolboy relationship with someone who believes in Slytherins are the monsters under a child’s bed is one thing, a marriage is a whole different quidditch game.”

James spoke loud enough for Lily to hear as well “Come along Evans, we need to sit down with the headmaster and his guests. This is going to be an interesting conversation and I doubt you want to miss it.”

Once they reached the tower where the headmaster's office was the gargoyle moved aside without a word spoken. He was already told to let the Potter and Snape boy in, and if he was supposed to let them in he should do the same for the person they clearly wanted to tag along. 

The Potters dressed in wizarding robes sat on a love seat near the window, transfigured from something else likely thought Severus he didn’t remember it from the other time he was here. The Evans sat in chairs by the fire; in their muggle clothes. Faith and Harry seemed rather out of place. And somewhat apprehensive in their odd surroundings. They greet Severus and Lily. If Severus had to guess they knew less than the Potters, who both were staring harshly at their son. 

The headmaster Dumbledore sat behind his desk. As calm as ever, downright even slightly cheery. It bugged the shit out of Severus. No human, no man, nothing should ever be that cheery for no reason. The headmaster bugged him more than anything had ever done before. He was creepy. He seemed to play the school and the magical world like a chessboard of his own making. Severus and his child would be no pawn of Albus Dumbledore, and if he had a say in the matter neither would James or Lily. The headmaster was neither good nor was he bad in Severus’s opinion; he just was.

There were three less comfortable chairs the teenagers sat in, as if to remind them of their age and place. They were all dressed in muggle clothing. James in his oatmeal colored one which he had worn last night, his school bag sitting at his feet. Lily was in a pair of jeans and worn out tee shirt. Her tapping trainer snapped Severus out of his rambling thoughts, allowing him to tuck his emotions behind his protective walls in his mind to the tapping of her foot, giving him something to focus on. 

The headmaster spoke, “Severus I assume you invited the young Ms Evans, and want her to hear this conversation?” 

He nodded, he made the choice to sit between Lily and James it was the choice less likely to cause a fight between the two. 

Albus said “let’s just get straight to the point then? We are long past soft blows when it comes to this aren’t we?”

Severus and James nodded together. 

Lily’s green eyes flicked between Severus and the headmaster. Wondering what in Merlin’s name was going on. Harry looked just as shocked, Faith looked green her head in her hands. Likely guessing what they were about to be told. 

The headmaster cut the tension with a knife as he spoke, “Severus is pregnant, we need to figure out to go from here, his education, where he will live, and what is the plan for himself and James. I know this may be a shock to some of you. Don’t blame either of the boy’s unique situation made all magical options, not an option.”

Faith cries out “Severus why didn’t you tell me you wanted to have sex? I may not approve of your choice too, but I would have set that aside to protect you, to get you birth control.”

Lily nodded, “Sev mum did that for me when Regulus and I got closer.”

Helena snarled “it wouldn’t have worked. The potions he’s on don’t interact well with magical means.”

Lily laughed “Merlin, my mother is a muggle, muggles have you beat on this Mrs Potter. Potions wouldn’t interact with muggle birth control because they affect different things.”

Helena snarled “muggle means regularly fail! Because they are muggles.”

Severus screamed “will you all just SHUT IT? It happened. We can’t undo it. We can’t make it go away! Not that I want to! We can’t fix it, and Lily no I will not use a time turner! This isn't supposed to be what did Severus do wrong, it’s supposed to be how do we go from here? Does anyone want to help out with that? If not be quiet!”

Helena, Faith and Lily all shut their mouths, and blinked. 

Helena spoke “Severus what do you want to do? It doesn’t matter what I want or anyone else, even James. It’s your body. You made it clear you wouldn’t undo it, but you want to keep this child?”

Severus spoke, “I didn’t think I wanted children this soon. I knew being with James and him being one of the last of the Potters I would have to have children one day. Beyond that I wanted them. Well at least one. You see I am the last of the Princes of the direct line. There is a cousin, but she’s a Prince because her mother wanted to give her a claim to the Inheritance, she’s my third cousin. And while I was disowned, I am the last. And that may be odd to some people, but my mother did educate me on what that means. I want it to live on if not in name, or Inheritance, at least blood. I am capable of still having a good life even if she or he is born. If I want to be considered a wizard I need to act like one, and that means valuing every single child. Even I feel it’s coming at a less than perfect time. The rest is in James’s hands. I will have him if he will have me.” The last part was said directly to James Potter.

”Of course I will have you Severus? Why wouldn’t I? It may not of been what we planned but I still want you. And I want you forever. This child changes nothing when it comes to my feelings. This is our child. And he’s going to be wonderful just like you, Severus” said James.

Severus said “well I hope She has your looks and my brains”.

”I want him to look like you, Severus he’s going to be prefect in every way no matter what he looks like”.

Lily’s foot went back to tapping a even rhythm, as she spoke “with that settled other things need to be. Since you two want to marry when will it be, and where will you live? Severus’s schooling? His future? Is he going to give that all up? I know there are ways to figure this out so Severus doesn’t have to give up his future for his child”.

James spoke “as soon as possible on marriage, it’s for the best really. It’s not uncommon in the wizarding world. Better or worse, it’s not.”

Lily and Faith rolled their eyes to that comment. 

Helena spoke up, “well they could marry before Christmas, it would give enough time to arrange things. I have no problem watching my grandchild while they attend classes. I would prefer them to live with us, but Harry and Faith you adopted Severus that’s up to you. We can easily support them. Give them a good start as adults and parents. Charles may even work out helping Severus get his mastery when he graduates. He has a few contacts in the potion’s world.”

Faith spoke “their time should be split between the two families until they graduate. I know it’s not much now a year and half, but Severus is a son to me. This child is also my grandchild. I want Severus to spend Christmas Day with his family. James can join him, or he can join him the next day. I think that’s how Summer should work as well. I also want Harry and me to help with things for the baby, and starting their life.”

Helena went to jab in something about money. 

Faith tone turned slightly dark “I know how you wizarding families are when it comes to money. That doesn’t change the fact when we adopted Severus he became our son. And I know you Helena have helped a lot over the years, and I am forever grateful for that. Please do not try and take what little we can do away from us. We will do what’s common of the other spouse’s family in your world, no more and no less. In a situation such as this.”

Charles Potter nodded, Helena looked like she ate a lemon. But then she too nodded. It was settled. The first part of the Christmas holidays they would be with the Potters, the opposite would be the summer. Half of spring break to be decided by the two young men, though Severus was leaning that he and James would spend it separately at their respective childhood homes. It would be Severus’s last taste of childhood before the summer came and all too soon the child would be born. 

Faith and Helena agreed the wedding would take place on the first day of winter break. The grandfatherly man cheered at the agreement. Lily simply sighed. 

************************

The wedding robes which white much to Severus’s dismay turned beige when they touched his skin. He groaned loudly. Helena and Faith were with him, at the shop in Diagon Alley. 

His mother of these years the closest thing he had to mother clucked her tongue and spoke “Severus hates both white and more so beige. Can’t tradition be set aside? It’s a horrible muggle reference that if the bride didn’t wait her wedding dress should be beige. He’s neither a woman, nor should it be advertised, his choices I mean. And it’s such a horrid color. It does nothing for his skin or hair.”

Helena spoke, “it’s tradition......”

“Well screw tradition”, snarled Severus. “That was the color of my mother’s muggle wedding dress. And while she’s not alive I swear to she would of hated it. Nothing against you Faith.”

”Severus Eileen was your mother for thirteen years, I have been your adoptive mother for three. And I happen to agree with you, and likely your mother. That’s a horrible color. Let’s go find a formal robe better suited to,” said Faith.

Severus gave Helena Potter a look that seemed to say I win, smirking at her, his black eyes flaming. 

“Severus, I know that look, and you may when on this one, but you will have a bridesmaid.... And you both will carry flowers,” said Helena. Muttering to herself Merlin that boy looks like his mother!

Once out of the horrible wedding robes and his own clothing, Faith and Severus started to pick through the formal robes, when Lily jogged over out of breath, carrying a set of black silk robes. “I think you may like this Severus, take a look.”

In her hands were robes made of the highest quality Severus had seen. It was past floor length reminiscent of a wedding dress train, there was a silver clasp, which was a coiled snake. On the edges were green, and blue snakes and flowers which were Embroidered into it. The sleeves were long and loose. He could wear under it a pair of black slacks, and a black button-up shirt. The other buttons too were sliver. 

Faith added “Harry could let you borrow his sliver cuff links, or give them to you. He’s mentioned he wanted to. They are set with emeralds. They were his father’s. He doesn’t wear them much. But he does treasure them.” 

“Mum I want these”, said Severus looking at Faith. Not knowing where the mum had come from, and as if he caught the slip, he said “and I would love Harry’s cuff links, if he wants me to have them.” Lily went as she heard Severus’s thoughts to grab the slacks and shirt. They were larger than Severus’s normal, but he had put on some weight for obvious reason. 

Helena huffed, clearly not happy in the break of tradition, but realizing no matter what she said this is the only wedding robes he would have. He had already threatened to wear a muggle suit. It was not she quickly realized an idle threat. Whether or not the boy realized it he was a lot like Eileen Prince was before she met Tobias Snape. Hardheaded, snarky, stubborn, and cunning to a fault. A true Slytherin. 

Faith bought the extras which was the slacks and shirt, Severus would simply wear his dress boots with them, Helena bought the robes, sighing as she did so. The sale’s girl asked “She doesn’t want wedding robes or at least white robes?”

Helena nearly chucked the money at her “HE can have whatever robes HE wants for HIS wedding, pack them up and be done with it, or next time I will take my business elsewhere”. 

The robes and other things were packed up quickly and muttered to herself under her breath freak. Helena would be sending an owl to the shop owner when she got home about a rude shop girl. 

************************

Harry and Faith each held onto an arm of Severus’s. Harry’s quiet caring nature was a comfort to Severus. As was the fact Lily waited at the end of the aisle. She wore a long green dress the same color of her eyes, he also knew she wore the necklace he had given her. He no longer thought of it as his mother’s but Lily’s. He wore Harry’s cufflinks. He would treasure them for the rest of his life. Proof of a father’s love he had always craved. 

Lily held in her hands white Lilys and Red roses. They were on the navy blue carpet he didn’t know the name of. And on the altar over Lily’s, James’s and Remus’s head. Along with candles and interwoven with a green ribbon. The choices were made for the two husband’s houses and Christmas. He was to be walked down the aisle by both of his adopted parents, and it was being used to explain away why he didn’t carry flowers. 

Remus Lupin was chosen as James’s best man because he could speak to Lily without cursing at her, he also was Severus’s friend, and he was better suited to roll as future godfather of their child. The brown-haired boy with the golden eyes was one of the kindest people Severus had ever known. 

James stood there in all of his glory. Hazel eyes staring straight at Severus. Black hair was not tamed, but it had been trimmed. He was in traditional black dress robes with red details. Professor McGonagall would be the one to perform the ceremony. James wanted Dumbledore, which Severus had vetoed, then Helena had suggested Professor Slughorn, which James vetoed, with Severus agreeing. Minerva McGonagall was who they settled on. She was neither of their favorite professors, and she had been kind to Severus as much as the head of Gryffindor house could be to a Slytherin. Him not playing Quidditch was likely the reason. 

The adopted parents and their son walked down the aisle with much trepidation. Severus because he hated attention, the adopted parents because it felt wrong to them to marry off their sixteen-year-old son, even if he happened to be pregnant. 

They passed the Blacks, Sirius did not look happy to be sitting with them, Regulus smiled at his once close friend. They passed the Malfoys who insisted on coming, with their daughter Laurel. The Potters said they needed to play nice with them. They passed Dumbledore, and the other professors, they passed the Potters in the front row, he looked to the right and saw empty seats for the Evans, Petunia at the far end, clearly not happy to be there forced likely by her parents. She wore a lavender dress. His grandfather of all people sat behind her. His graying black hair long like Severus’s own. He didn’t look any happier than he had in the few photos Eileen had of him. 

Marcus Prince looked like an old-world wizard dressed head to toe in black. At least he was here. Though Severus wasn’t pleased to see the bastard who disowned him and his mother. The man was no better than Tobias Snape just a wizard.

Lily had lines in her face far beyond her young life called for. She was smiling though. As if like her parents she was putting on a brave face for Severus.

Remus Lupin looked happy. Likely because he was being accepted for once in his young painful life. Severus knew long ago that Merope Lestrange was right about what he was, though he didn’t care. If Remus Lupin was going to hurt another student he already was going to do so.

The boy, now the man was an unwilling victim of Greyback all those years ago. It was because he was unwilling that he had kept his humanity. He was however not going to be allowed near his future godchild on the day of the full moon each month. The brown-haired boy had crisscross scars over his what could have been a beautiful face. At least he had Black to care for and be cared for by. Even a small amount of Black money would give them a relatively decent life.

As the somber trio reached the four people standing at the altar, Faith began to cry again. Her dress was navy blue sleeves long, her honey blonde greying curly hair was pinned out off of her face. Harry’s grey hair trimmed short, he was in a suit that has seen better days. It clearly was from another time, but it was comforting to Severus. 

These two people grounded Severus. He would always have two gentle souls to call his parents. And no matter how they felt they put their own emotions aside to support him, their adopted son, the child they did not plan or even ask for but loved dearly as if he was their own flesh and blood. It was their grandchild too, not just the Potter’s that grew in his now ever so slightly more visible rounding belly. The silk robes did nothing to hide it. Not that Severus wanted something to.

Everyone knew by his age why he was marrying James Potter today. Why should he of gone with something he did not like when no one would be fooled? The traditional wedding robes were far stupider. With their need to show off not only his pregnancy, but the fact he wasn’t a virgin. It was one thing for a robe to not conceal his pregnancy, it was another to blare it by the color of the robe. 

Harry hugged him and said “Severus you're the son I always wanted, you will always be family. Never forget that. I love you. Severus Alexander, you will always have a home in my home. No matter what you do or say, you are my son.” Severus started to cry along with Harry. This was his dad, his father. Tobias Snape was just a sperm donor, nothing more. 

Severus pulled the man who was his dad closer and said “you are my dad, the dad I always wished would come and take me away from that horrible home. This is your grandchild.” He placed Harry’s worker’s hand on his belly. Rough because of his job. Harry nodded. 

Faith spun her son around to face her. Tear tracks on her face. Her curls were falling into her face. She held him like she had done so many times in the years she had raised him like she had longed to do before he became her son. She too whispered to him, “Severus your my son, my little boy. Now don’t argue with my child, you will always be my little boy. I remember the first day we met. You in that worn wool coat, that flowered top, those patched trousers. Remember what I did?” He nodded. “Severus I am fixer that’s what my own mother called me. Severus, I never felt the need to fix you. Help you, but never fix you. That means my boy you are perfect the way you are. Don’t let those wizards change your mind on that. You are my son, and I am your mum. I love you, Severus, more than anything, more than the breath in my lungs, more than my very bones. I could feel no greater love if I had given birth to you myself. You’re my boy. And this is one of the hardest days of my very life, giving you away.”

He grabbed her small hand in his and placed it on his stomach. He spoke out loud for all to hear. “Mum this is your grandchild. And one day I promise we will look back on this as a happy day. No matter how hard it may seem today. I love mum, and I love you dad your parents. The parents I dreamed of in the bed in Spinners End. The ones I wished would take me away to a happy place. You did Mum and dad. You did. You raised me in home of love, with happy Christmases, warm cocoa and tea, with hugs and kind words, with being proud of me, and now you stand on my wedding day. I want my name to be from here on out if you two agree Severus Alexander Evans Potter? Is that okay?”

Severus’s parents both hugged him. His mum kissed his cheek. Yes, they said together.

Somewhere, somewhere far off in a great beyond Eileen Ava Prince’s heart leaped with joy, her baby boy had parents who loved him, in the ways her earthly soul was unable to. Gone was her pain of the past, gone was her wounds. She was able to now Rest In Peace.

She could let go of the regret that weighed her down from moving on to the next place as it was called. Not muggle heaven, that did not exist. She would get to be something else now. Whatever that may be. Muggle, bird, witch, or anything else the mind could conjure up. Eileen wiped the tears from her pale cheeks. History would not repeat itself, lighting would not strike twice, Severus’s children would have loving parents and grandparents. 

His mum took his hand in hers and handed to his future husband James Potter who too was crying there was not a dry eye in the great hall, where the small wedding took place, beyond a very angry old wizard with the last name of Prince, though he wanted to. That man hadn’t cried since his wife Samaria had died bringing Eileen into the world. Not even Petunia Evans could keep the tears from falling though she if asked would claim it was simply the lighting in the stupid wizarding school. 

The female Professor in her green dress robes she read their wedding vows to them traditional and common, with one thing added: “I take them with my heart and soul, I bond my very being to you.” When done they called forth their Patronus’s the doe and the stag, leaping from their Wands to run down the aisle together side by side.

Everyone made a noise of shock. At the sight. This is the reference to “heart and soul and my very being to you”, they were soulmates or as close as soulmates someone could be. They were like light and dark, night and day, like north and south, and east and west. Different but forever tied to one another. Professor McGonagall said “I give you husbands James Charles Potter and Severus Alexander Evans Potter, and their impressive piece of magic. Good job young men.” And with that, they clasped hands, upon that moment the doe and the stag nuzzled each other and disappeared into thin air. 

************************

They were sitting at the head table, or what Severus thought was the head table. It was their reception party. James’s hand rested on Severus’s thigh rubbing small circles on it, under the table. The Potters seemed to feel the need to invite people to the party such as the Longbottoms, and others that tended to side with the light. The Malfoys looked rather uncomfortable, as did the Black parents. The elder Potters it seems we’re playing both sides, so unlike their son. More like Slytherins than the Gryffindors they were. 

Marcus Prince leaning heavily on his black cane walked over to the happy couple. He too had likely been invited by the elder Potters. The man’s face was gaunt and pale, his nose was large, lips thin, face covered in harsh lines, his hair was greasy, stringy, his black eyes full of contempt. His robes were black, long-sleeved and high collared. He looked like some overgrown bat. 

He spoke to the young couple his voice, was so different than his appearance, rich and deep. “I have an offer for you Severus Potter, your cousin was disowned for her choices, which I have no desire to get into. You will still be disowned, but one of your children preferably a son shall get the Inheritance with the hope and desire they will marry a half-blood with no muggle or muggleborn parents.”

Severus’s eyes turned sharp, “you want to use my child to restart the Prince line.”

”Yes”. 

“

Severus said “why should my future children or I help you? When left me to starve, be beaten by that muggle, allowed your own daughter to suffer. She begged you for years to take me. And nothing. Then you get a letter I assume from the Potters that I am marrying their pureblood son and you snap at the chance of getting you line back. Why should I do anything for you?”

Marcus laughed “It wasn’t the Potters you foolish child, it was Dumbledore, we know each other quite well. I tried to accept you back as heir, quite of the few other older family heads blocked it. You were known for a few years to be tied to a rather wealthy and large house. The Potters. They believe your focus should be on your husband and children, not the dealings of the Prince’s. You are the submissive partner after all.”

Again with the submissive partner comments. It made Severus’s blood boil, just because he was up the duff, didn’t make him a wife or woman. It didn’t make him less than James. It made him more he was both a man and able to give James children without stressful on the body potions. 

The rest of the wizarding world did not feel the same as Severus. 

James looked at Severus hazel to black, he nodded, and Severus asked for a few minutes to talk to his husband. 

His mother’s sire snarled, not unlike Severus himself. In a way, Severus was looking at what he could become. A man full of regret, hatred, and who didn’t seem to bother with basic hygiene. From that day forward Severus desired to be the exact opposite of Marcus Augustus Prince. Like the Blacks with their star names, while the Malfoy's stuck to those in Latin, the Princes preferred for at least their sons Roman names. Severus was to break that tradition with his sons. He should warn Marcus. He only went with Severus himself believing for most of his childhood the man who looked like a bat would come and save him. And surely the son of a Prince family needed a Roman Emperor name if that was to happen. 

Truly after meeting the man he was happy he did not. The Evans were far better parents. Marcus seemed like he was the type strike first ask questions later. He felt bad for his mother being raised by the man. Realizing she married a man, not unlike him. 

James snapped him out of his thoughts with “and I think we should agree to it. Not our first son and if he’s our only son a daughter, but it would help them make a name for themselves and give them a good start. They are a pureblood family and it would be sad to see them die out.”

Severus’s black eye narrowed ruefully, “do realize husband I am a Prince as will all of the children be?”

James spoke “I know that Severus, but under wizarding law, like my husband, you are a Potter, and any children not to become head of another family will also be Potters. You and them will carry Prince lines. It will not die in the wizarding world with you, but it does die in name when Marcus dies unless one of our children takes the Prince's name and title. And beyond that what do we have to lose by doing so? Nothing beyond a bit of pride.”

Severus’s face tightens harshly as it can, he growls and says “for the longest time James all I had was my pride, not all of us were born rich. But you have a point. Go tell the man we agree, and ask him to go, I want to deal with him as least as possible.”

James did what he was told, but Marcus came back over to where Severus was sitting. Chair turned sideways now, his feet hurt, they were up on another chair, and he wanted to say his goodbyes and leave the party. He couldn’t even have a good drink at his own damn wedding. 

Marcus spoke, “I am grateful for your willingness Severus Prince Potter, to save our family.”

Severus stared at him blankly and spoke in a tone that made it seem like he thought himself above his grandfather, which he did “it’s Severus Alexander Evans Potter, they were the ones who raised me. As you made it clear I am too muggle to be a Prince. And my sons will not follow your tradition on naming, I only choose it for myself before I saw you for what you are. If that’s going to be a problem?” Severus’s head chocked to one side, as if daring the head of the Prince family to say something. 

The man simply nodded and said “we can start new traditions with a new start for our family. And I do sometimes wish Severus I would have done more for you. Your mother never told me about your situation when you were a child; I could help you both then.”

Severus’s glass of virgin wine hit the floor shattering in a million pieces. His mother never told her father about his situation? She never told him her child was other gendered? That Selena was actually Severus?

So it was not this bat of a man, or even the other no way dead Princes that caused Severus’s suffering throughout his childhood, but Tobias’s abuse and Eileen’s unwillingness to ask for help or accept returning to her family with her tail between her legs. Disowned but still allowed in the family. She may have not been a mighty daughter of a pureblood wizarding family, but Severus would have been given the potions, and they never would have gone hungry.

But as his mind thought that through, he never would have become friends with Lily, he never would have had parents like Evans, he would not have this child growing in his belly, and he may never fall in love with one James Charles Potter. 

He wouldn’t give his life up for the world not even the body of the right sex. 

Marcus clasped Severus’s long-fingered pale hand in his own, they looked as if they were pieces of art made by the same artist, different but the same in some way. “Severus I am proud to call you my grandson. You cannot be head of the family because of your position as husband to James, but you will no longer be blasted off the family tree, and one of your children will be a Prince. I wish you luck with your marriage, a loving and fruitful one. I wish the birthing is easy and your heart full of love. Goodbye Severus Alexander the grandson I never got to know.” Marcus bowed and left a shell shocked Severus standing there. 

Severus watched as the man in the black old as if they were from another time dress robes leave. His greasy unwashed hair, his spindly form, was like an overgrown bat. Like a spider. Like a demon, or even a vampire. He was however also Severus’s grandfather. The man who raised Eileen, the man who was beside Severus and his unborn child the last of their line unnamed or named. He was also the man that Severus hoped he would never see in the mirror. The man whose only company was regret and self-loathing. And if Severus didn’t stop hating every bit of himself he would become a man, not unlike Marcus Augustus Prince. Longing for the past, loathing it, wishing he was dead, but unwilling to off himself for the fear of what the hereafter may bring.

At that moment Severus decided he needed to see a mind healer. Not for James, Faith, Harry, Lily or even his unborn child, but for himself. So he could have a life worth living. So he was more than what he was to others. So he was more than what he could for someone, to someone or be for someone. Severus needed self-esteem, self-love. He needed to look into his mirror and realize he was a worthy human being. 

Not because he needed that to be James's husband, or Lily’s friend, father to his unborn child or the Evan’s son. He needed it for his own mental health. He had a Floo number madam Pomfrey gave him years ago. Possibly even the first year, the woman was a witch though and they could live for a hundred-plus years. Surely she still was practicing? And if not she could suggest someone else or madam Pomfrey could. 

************************

Severus stood in his bathroom in his room at Hogwarts. James was waiting outside in the bedroom for him. He stripped off his wedding robes. Then the rest of his clothing. He looked in the mirror he was faced with something that looked in between genders. He had shaved that morning, but his face wasn’t smooth like a women’s, his chest wasn’t totally flat but it was quite small.

Since he realized he was pregnant he stopped wearing a binder and only those who touched him noticed a difference. Though Severus himself always noticed the difference. He did, however, have chest hair. Mostly around his nipples. His pregnancy clearly was a check to females. He had a happy trail of hair to just genitals. He didn’t gender his genitals. They just were. They allowed him to have sex with James. The muggle options for “bottom surgery” didn’t really give you that. So he didn’t want it. He wanted a proper prosthetic penis one day to be able to take James. That sounded far better than a surgery that could leave him with no feeling when it came to sex.

He washed his face, took the tie out of his shoulder-length hair, and walked into the bedroom he now shared with his new husband, well for tonight until they went to stay with the Potters until Christmas. James too was naked, though he was sitting on their bed. Merlin, they did this nearly, well daily, since they found out he was pregnant. No point in not, damage was already done. You can’t get pregnant when you're already pregnant. 

James stood and met him in the center of the room. His eyes taking in Severus’s pale form, as Severus took in his tan one. Hands reached out to touch, lips met to kiss, and then as if the spell over them was broken they quickly ended up in bed with James inside of him.

Severus’s pale legs wrapped around James’s hips. One mouth moaning the other’s name, while the other nibbled on a long pale neck. They came uncommonly right after another, because James finally learned penetration wasn’t enough to get Severus off. He actually had to touch his lover’s clit. The right amount of pressure, at the right time made Severus scream like a banshee. They both were soaked in sweat. They looked at each over smiling and then giggling like the teenagers they were. And a hour later they went at it again. Early in the morning after their third time, which slower softer, gentler, more like making love than fucking, after they fell asleep in each other’s arms. The two married teenagers were so utterly in love, so happy, so spent. If only everyday could be so simple and end exactly like this.

************************

Severus sat in next to the fire place at Potter Manor. He groaned loudly. His feet, back and hips hurt! Helena was a nice woman, but Merlin did she nag. “What are you naming the child if it’s a boy?”

”Harry James”, he snarled a back, knowing she would not approve. Same as she didn’t approve that he wanted the dark wood nearly black crib. That he wasn’t going to breast feed. That he wanted to buy a few things on sale. That he wasn’t picky about color of things because it’s not like the baby cared!

She picked at every single choice he made, and sometimes when she really didn’t like his choice or answer she got James involved. The last one got Charles on his side. Saying “it’s best not to cause rifts in a marriage.” She treated him like he was nothing more than a stupid child!

She snapped him out of his thoughts with the comment “but Harry is such a muggle name, and isn’t that the name of your adopted muggle father?”

He narrowed his black eyes at her, slamming down his glass of water on the coffee table next him. She was going to cause him to loose the last bit of his sanity he had. He spite out with as much snark as possible “James is a muggle name as well. As is Helena, Charles, Severus, Marcus, Narcissa, Laurel, and every God damn other name you pureblood lunatics love so fucking much! My son or daughter will not have any of my name. Not my mother’s maiden name. Not Snape the name I was born under, nor Evans the name of the people who are my family. You will not take my right away to choose his first name Helena! Not as my mother in law, not as my god mother, and not even as friend of my mother’s. If it’s a boy his name will be Harry James, if it’s a girl her will be Vera Ruth. And before you freaking ask Vera means faith! My biological mother was part Russian. My Mum’s name is Faith Ruth. And I am done with this conversation Helena this is my child, growing inside my belly! You should of had more of your own if you wanted more! Or adopted them! I am going to my room see you at dinner!”

Helena muttered to herself pregnancy hormones, teenagers and mood swings. And I hope it’s a girl Vera sounds like a proper wizarding name. Maybe I can get him to change his mind about Ruth though. It’s so very muggle. And he’s already honoring the muggle woman with the first name. Vera Ava is rather pretty. 

The old witch not realizing how much she had upset her son-in-law over the last few days. 

************************

Severus stomped into the room that was his and James’s while they stayed together here. It was larger than James’s childhood room and suited to an adult couple more than Gryffindor banners, Quidditch posters, and Merlin knows what else. 

“What’s wrong Sev?” Asked James shocked at how angry the other man looked. 

“I want to go HOME! I want my things. I want my family. I want to laugh with Lily. Tease Petunia, have morning tea with Faith. I want to do woodworking with Harry. I want my comfort zone James. I am pregnant! In tons of pain because my hips aren’t wide enough, pelvis doesn’t sit right due to the potions I was on, for pregnancy or childbirth. I may have to spend months in bed and madam Pomfrey said she’s going to have to break my hip and pelvis, and all your stupid mother can do is tell me I am stupid for not caring if the baby is dressed in green if it is a girl or yellow if it is a boy! That the crib I actually like? Isn’t good enough for her grandchild. Well it’s our not hers. And you like it? And I like it! She wants me to breast feed James! I can’t I can’t. I don’t think I could look at myself in the mirror if I did. I don’t think I could shower or have sex! Or leave the house. Please don’t make me do that.” Severus couldn’t stop he took a deep breath and then laid on the bed next to James. 

James responded to Severus’s biggest concern “madam Pomfrey said formula even muggle formula is perfectly fine, Sev. You don’t have to do that. Breastfeeding isn’t something you feel comfortable with. And that’s okay! Soon as you have given birth and healed up? We are getting your top surgery done Faith and Harry told me at the wedding they have no issue signing off for it. And I have enough to be able to afford it in my trust.”

Severus wrapped his arms around James kissing his forehead. “Thank you, Jamie. Thank you. Jamie, I love you more than life itself. But your mother.....” He takes some deep breaths and continues.

”She thinks the names we choose together are stupid James she thinks they are too muggle. At least the boy’s name and the girl’s middle name. I don’t care what she thinks! It’s our child and we can name the sprog whatever we want.”

James nodded and asks raising his eyebrows “sprog?”

Severus laughs “it’s not like I can call are baby it now can I?”

James smiles and nods “sprog it is then. How is sprog and you doing beyond my mother driving you nuts?”

Severus places James’s hand on his belly, feeling their child moving ever so slightly like little kicks under his skin. “Can you feel that? Jamie?”

James shook his head, but said “wanna lay down together?”

Severus said groaning “Jamie I am not up to sex at the moment my hips and back hurt too much.”

James brushes Severus’s hair out of his face, “love I just want to hold you. Nothing more.”

Severus nods. They both strip. Sleeping naked and napping naked is easier on Severus. He doesn’t like how clothes feel on his skin. It’s far more sensitive around his belly. They sometimes tug when he tosses and turns. James just does it because he can.

They lay there with James spooning Severus. James’s palm on his belly. Rubbing small circles in a comforting way. “Sev?”

”Yes?”

James says “you don’t have to come down for dinner tonight. I will go get our plates and we can eat up here.”

”Jamie that’s just going to make her madder”.

“Sev and your pregnant! She shouldn’t be stressing you out. You are in so much pain, and yet she treats you like that. Does she even realize what your going through to bring this child into the world?”

”Honestly James I don’t think so. I don't think she’s gets it. I don’t see understands how much pain I am in. Madam Pomfrey mentioned in our fire call they may have to break my hips/pelvis later on. Your mother was sitting and nodded like madam Pomfrey said what type of tea she liked!”

“Yeah we are going to eat dinner up here tonight she can suck on a freaking lemon for all I care Sev. She should of actually freaking listened to Madam Pomfrey, to you, and to me when I mentioned early this morning to give you a break, you were up most of the night in a ton of pain.”

”If she will not even listen to her son, and husband I agree with you Jamie. I don’t think I can look at her tonight.” Severus dozed off, his head on his pillow, James’s hand on his belly, still tiny bit hoping that he might feel their sprog move or kick. 

A few hours later James and Severus woke up. They both yawned stretching Severus’s joints cracking as he did so. James kissed him and then rested his forehead on Severus’s. “I love you, sweetheart, you and sprog are my family. I am going to go get us dinner.”

James walked quickly down the stairs to the dining room. He said hi to his parents, and “Severus and I are going to eat in our room he’s not feeling well.”

Helena snapped “he’s perfectly he’s just moody and hormonal. He should be down at dinner not hiding.”

James narrowed his hazel eyes at his mother, slammed down plates on the table, and hissed at her “Severus is actually in a ton of pain. Madam Pomfrey said in all likelihood Severus's hips and pelvis will have to broke, beyond that he also has to deal with you.”

She snarled back “he’s being a big baby the pain is not that bad. He may have to have those broken and if he does he will be given pain potions, and the last I have nothing to say I have allowed my son who got his boyfriend pregnant, then married him live with me. So please continue, James.”

James laughed “ my husband cries out regularly in his sleep. He cannot take anything but a mild pain potion that barely touches it. The same when she has to break his hips and pelvis. If you feel we are such a burden I will take my husband back to his parents home and ask if I too can stay with them. We will not be a burden any longer.”

James spun around on his heel, ran up the stairs and told Severus what happened. Who thought for a second about stopping his husband, but the truth was Severus wanted to be a tiny bit selfish. He just wanted to be with his family. James had many years with the Potters Severus only got really three and a half with the Evans. So he did what James said and packed his things, along with the odds and ends they actually wanted for the baby.

They made quick work of it. Severus grateful he left most of his things at home, including his coat from the Potters. It was stupid to like it when the person who gave it to him could be so mean, but Goddammit to hell he loved that stupid coat. 

Thankful the Evans had been connected to the Floo network they flooed to their home. When Faith saw them one after the other step from her fireplace she made the comment “that bad huh?”

Severus nodded, sitting down next to her wanting to ask her to hug him, but not having the nerve to do so. “Come here Severus, let me give you a hug.” 

He leaned his head onto her shoulder and hugged her. “Mum I am so much pain. And it’s only getting worse. Madam Pomfrey has no suggestions besides breaking my hips. I don’t want my hips broken. I can’t finish the school year if I let her do that. I will never run again, or walk right, or ride horses or so much. And she’s not going to give me any more pain medication besides what she’s already giving me that doesn’t work.”

Tears flowed freely down Severus’s pale cheeks. His eyes burned and his head hurt. He was still technically a child. And the Snape’s didn’t help things. He generally hid his feelings until he lashed out. He was one of the smartest people child, teenager or adult she knew, but in many ways her boy was still a child, in ways Lily didn’t seem to be.

Maybe it was gender, maybe it was personality, maybe James didn’t help matters, but when it came down to it the only one she really thought about it was Tobias had done nothing to Severus but abuse him. And Eileen showed kindness in the beginning, but then stood around and watched the abuse happen or was abused herself. Severus wasn’t one to trust people. He rarely let people in. And for good measure he tended to lash out at people. Whether they care for him or not. She realized that Severus was likely not only because of the fact he was pregnant going to need more support than her daughters at the same age, but also because the boy’s other issues. He just didn’t trust most people. He trusted her, Lily, Harry, James, Madam Pomfrey and Professor McGonagall that’s it. 

This however didn’t seem like one of those times. It seemed as if Severus was just a person in a ton of pain, who clearly wasn’t getting any acknowledgment of said pain being truly really besides from James and now her. “Sweetheart I want to take you to a muggle doctor tomorrow. The term is second opinion. I know you are magical, but sweetie your still human.” She says as she brushes his hair from his tear stained sweaty face. “Remember birth control?” 

He nodded. 

“Muggles have magic folk beat on that. I think this may be one of those things as well. At least they will give you some proper treatment for you pain, son. The doctor I am going to take you to is a friend of Sam’s and Charlie’s. This doctor isn’t going to judge you. He understands your situation to a point and it’s his normal patient population, unlike Madam Pomfrey, who your the only one in many years.”

Severus nodded, and said “mum don’t make me go back there, to the Potters. And can James stay?”

”Severus this will always be your home, your my son. Remember what dad said?”

Severus nodded.

”And well James.... the walls are thin. If you to do something the rest of this house doesn’t want hear it. Be a nice as you can to Petunia, though she sometimes deserves something else. No fighting with Lily. And I will choose my kids over you any day Potter. Petunia, Lily and Severus are my children. You are my son in law big difference. And if Vernon is around be nice to him. He cares for Petunia, but that man drive so me crazy.”

”Now Severus” She asks “have you eaten anything for dinner? James I am sure your always hungry.”

Severus shook his head, and followed his mother to the kitchen. Faith dug out what she had made for dinner. Roast from the look of it. Digging out to plates of it and heating them up. She sat them in front of the two teens and a glass of milk each. “Dig in boys” she said. James made quick work of it. Severus tried to, but he still didn’t have much of an appetite. “Another thing to mention to the doctor” Faith muttered mostly to herself. Her son had an ashen look to his pale skin. He had a tiny bit of the pregnancy glow, but it looked like the baby was taking most of his strength. Severus had never been the healthiest person ever, but the pregnancy wasn’t helping matters either. He ate about half and set his fork aside. He drank his milk and then went to curl up on the couch by the fire. 

Hand laying on his bump, head on a throw pillow, long soft jet black hair in his face. The tension he carried at the Potters was gone though. His face was passive, his socked feet tucked up. His knees bent close to his small frame. Faith grabbed a blanket from off the couch and tucked it around him. He whined in his sleep. She brushed his hair out of his pale face and kissed his pale forehead. “My sweet boy, don’t worry we will figure out what’s wrong and get you better. You and the baby.”

Severus was one of her babies even if he was having a baby. She went to work getting the fire lit. Harry needed to get more logs for it. They were running low. The smell of wood burning filled her small living room. He moved causing his socked feet to become uncovered. She tucked them back in rubbing his left foot as she did so. He whimpered, even in sleep Severus was not free of pain. Surely how could a well educated witch like Mrs Potter not see that? Because she didn’t want to. Because it meant admitting the wizarding world was failing her son in law and her future grandchild. 

James finished his dinner nearly licking his plate. It had been good. He scrapped Severus’s plate into the bin and washed both of them, he set them aside to dry. He joined mother and son in the living room. Faith was now in a arm chair, and Severus still asleep. He sat on the floor, near the side where Severus’s head was. Reaching for another throw blanket to wrap around his own shoulders. 

“Does he ever sleep truly peacefully?” Faith asked him. James shook his head feeling like a rock had settled in his stomach. Severus deserved better. He was putting their child above his comfort and even his very future. He may be a Slytherin, but this bravery he was showing was all Gryffindor. James petted his husband’s long silk like black hair. Severus pushed into the touch not unlike a cat. His large black eyes blinking open. Saying “love I just thought I would rest my eyes for a second.” 

James said “let me carry you to bed I think we have a busy day tomorrow”. Faith nodded mentioning she was going to call the doctor and if not they were going to the hospital. 

Severus shook his head and said “no hospital, no hospital! I will not go to a hospital!”

James and Faith insisted yes if the doctor couldn’t see him he would. He was in too much pain to wait. 

Severus started to cry, both from then pain and the fact he knew they were right. It was that bad and it was only getting worse by the day. They both tried to comfort him. One each sitting on either side of him. James holding him and Faith rubbing his narrow back. 

“Sweetie it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to let it out. Sometimes the strongest thing to do is cry not hold it in,” muttered Faith.

“Mum I think I need to go to the hospital tonight, it’s only getting worse, and..... I would rather go now and get it over with.” Said Severus through his tears. Lily joined them in the room, seeing her oldest friend wracked with pain, covered in his own snot and tears.

”What did you do to him Potter?” She snapped. 

“Nothing!” Said James.

Faith held up her hand to make her daughter be quiet it. Lily gave James a dirty look and sat on the floor, cross legged. It did however give Severus time to speak. “Lily my body isn’t exactly totally made for pregnancy. I was always going to be extremely thin. But hormones didn’t help either, my pelvis and hips are too small. So the bigger I and the baby get....”

She finished for him “the more pain you are in. Magic folk don’t know what to and tell you to grit your teeth and bear it.”

He nodded. 

“Ow Sev”, Lily says “there has to be something!”

“Pomfrey Said the only thing she knows to do is break my hips and pelvis.”

Lily snarled “well that’s a stupid suggestion . And she isn’t going to manage your pain anyway is she?”

Severus nodded. More tears fell. Stupid pregnancy hormones affecting his mental controls. He wanted to be able to set all this shit aside, block it wall it off, shut it down. But he couldn’t. Merlin damn it all. 

Faith said, “Lily you can come with us along you like.”

The red-headed girl nodded. Lily helped Severus into his coat from the Potters, no matter his feelings it was one of the nicest things he owned. He wore his wedding band proudly, as did James. Better or worse those people were also his family and his child’s. To say he was not a Potter would be like saying the sky was purple. It was not the case.

James’s grabbed their IDs, and things that should comfort Severus like a blanket, books and such. From the only time he had ever been to a hospital (Saint Mungos) he knew it going to be a long night. 

Severus for once was allowed to sit in the front seat of the car. That was generally for Harry or Petunia, or no one in the times it was him, Faith and Lily. The only other time he was allowed to is the time he visited his mother’s grave. 

He tried to sleep as they drove to the hospital trying to will away the thoughts of the memories from the last times he was at the hospital. The last times when his mother was nasty to him, and the night the women had died. He shallowed hard, and then shut his eyes again.

Lily and James dared not to look at one another. They were barely on speaking terms at this point, the fact that they both cared for Severus was the only reason they ever spent more than a second of not forced time in the same room. They will like to dogs growling at each other without making a sound. How they acted caused Faith to snap at them “enough children”.

Severus groaned in his half asleep state, Faith said “Severus it’s fine. Your not the problem”.

She pulled up in front of the hospital, James and Lily helped the tired teen out of the car into the pitch-black moonless night. She parked as they brought him inside. They found seats and now waited for Faith. She was the muggle and had experience with their systems far more than the pureblood boy, the half sheltered boy, and even her Muggleton daughter who spent more time in the wizarding world than anywhere else. Though Lily’s understanding was far greater than the boys. 

But she felt they were best left to her mother, who quickly joined them. She’s quickly grabbed the needed paperwork and started to fill it out without asking Severus most of the answers. She knew his full name, birthday, address and more. She started to then ask him about his pain, which he answered in a quiet tone. 

“It’s sharp, it caused by anything and everything. Standing and sitting trigger it most. At best it’s a mild throbbing, and worst it invalids every aspect of my mind. It’s like something is trying to rip my hips out of their sockets.” He says even more quietly “sex is painful.”

She nods unwilling normally to hear about the sex lives of her children, but needing to make note about that. Before Severus never in her wildest dreams did she think she would be sitting in a hospital with her pregnant son, his husband, her daughter and hearing about sex causing him pain. It just was though. And he’s was her son. He was pregnant. He was married, to the boy with the wild black hair she wanted to cut short. 

He was most of all in pain, and the very community who years ago promised to take care of her daughter when she sent her off to a school she had never heard of, couldn’t be bothered to take care of her son! At least not properly.

She walked the forms to the front desk. The old woman’s eyebrows raised and she said “your son Severus Potter is pregnant, and experiencing hip and a pelvic pain? What I dare say is the boy? Some sort of freak?”

Faith clenched her small fists, muttering “my son is not a freak. He is a person, who just so happens to be pregnant and is need of your care. Which my tax dollars I may add help pay for.”

“What kids seem to claim they are these day. Next it will be I want to sleep with animals and I identify as a unicorn.”

Faith spun on her heels. Her plain old brown boots hitting the tile floor. She looked over her shoulder and said “do not compare my child’s sexuality to that of a criminal, and I would prefer to deal with a unicorn over yourself. Just get the nurse to check on my son, get them to take him back, figure out what’s wrong and you can forget he even exists, just like you do with everything freaking else important in the world.”

A nurse a few minutes later came out to take Severus’s vitals. She was young, blonde and kind eyed. She made no mention of his gender, assigned sex or anything beyond the task at hand. 

“Mr Potter I just need to take your temperature, heart rate, and blood pressure.”

He nodded, allowing her to get to work. Once done she made the comment mostly to herself “your pressure is low, your heart rate is high, and you have a low grade fever. I need to check on the baby. I would be prepared to spend a night.”

She grabbed a wheelchair helping him into it. She said “her name was Alice and that only family could come back”. They all stood. She raised her eyebrows, and said “what I said each of your relationships to Mr Potter?” 

Faith said “mother”

Lily said “sister”

James said “husband and father of his child”.

Severus's pale sweaty forehead rested on his arms on the arm of the wheelchair. He groaned “Severus not Mr Potter”.

None of them wanted to be separated from him in such a state. “Fine,” Said the nurse “you may all come back, but you must behave”.

She pushed Severus through the two large doors as the others followed quickly behind. She pushed him past other patients who stared. It wasn’t exactly uncommon, though not the norm for a man in the magical world to take potions to become pregnant, but in the muggle world that was another story... 

If Severus truly hated something the most it was attention. He was taken to a private room with a actual door. There was two chairs, a gurney, and medical equipment. Alice helped him on the gurney. James helped him out of his jacket and shoes. Patting Sev’s once he was done. The nurse covered him with a sheet, while James stood back to the wall near the gurney. Faith and Lily took the seats. 

Said nurse a few minutes later returned with a chair for James, which was set directly next to the head of the bed. She said someone else would be coming in soon to check on the baby , as she’s strapped the monitors on Severus. Who seemed to be heading towards sleep the day having taken its toll on him, even with the nap earlier. 

James held his husband’s pale sweaty hand in his own. Bringing his lips to it. Severus normally groaned at such public displays of affection. Now his black eyes simply stared at James cloudy with pain. Tension around them. Severus was truly utterly suffering. He put on a brave face, he dealt with it, but he could do so no longer. 

Then Severus turned slightly green, which caused Lily to shove a bucket under his mouth, which he vomited into directly. Loosing the little he had eaten today. When finished he thanked his oldest friend and sister. She rubbed his side and said “what are sisters for right Sev?”

Lily noticed how tired and pale her brother looked. The he had lost his snark and his spark. She was really worried for him. If the stupid magical world ignored something dangerous she was going to rip them apart shred by shred. No one harmed Severus and got away with it. 

Thinking of what herself as well Lucius, Bellatrix, and the Lestrange brothers had done to Severus’s muggle father. Muggles had yet to find the body. He was a easy way for her to prove herself to the dark lord. Helping kill a muggle she had known for years proved that. They didn’t have to know she had hated the man from before she had ever even laid eyes on the muggle bastard. One dead muggle for her place, it didn’t have to be a good one. Or even one someone would miss. 

No one living or dead that Lily Evans soon to be Black knew of missed Tobias Garett Snape. No one questioned where he was, no one questioned when he would be back, and what the death eaters and future death eater had done with the body no one would ever know. Not magical or muggle. It was her wedding present to Severus. He would never hear, be threatened, mocked by or see his father again. A gift he would never know she was giving him. And she was okay with that. She wasn’t going to loose her soul to marry Regulus, and that’s what mattered most. A dead muggle abuser no one would miss did just that.

Lily was snapped out of her terrible thoughts by a nurse asking Severus to lay on his back and lift his shirt. She explained the ultrasound machine would allow them to take a peak at the baby, tell them it’s gender and hear the heart beat. Her name was also Sara. 

Severus did as he was told. Lily couldn’t help but stare at his pale, hard, rounded belly. You could still count his ribs. It looked slightly unnatural to her. But the sight of how he, Severus, so unwilling to allow others to touch allowed the nurse to do her job spoke volumes. He loved the baby growing inside of him. When the child gave a good kick, from how he hissed, how he started to hum. What could be a Irish folk song?

He said years ago the Princes were half Russian at on point and half Irish. Which did explain his pale skin, black hair and eyes. His father was a muggle man from Cokeworth stock. A man of the mill her father had said once. Like many of the people who lived on Spinners end. 

The nurse got the information she needed, and asked the two younger parents if they wanted to know the gender of the child? 

They both gave a excited yes. They both needed something to brighten such a sad time for their little family. 

She said “Well Severus and James, you are the proud soon to be in roughly five months a little boy. He is on the small side of what we prefer to see, but he’s relatively healthy. Now we just need to get his mum”. James’s hazel eyes stared her down looking like he was about ready to snarl. “I apologize Severus, I mean dad healthy. I will send the doctor in. He says you need some tests run and he wants to talk to you about those first.”

The nurse escaped the room like Grindelwald was chasing her. 

Faith tried to cheer them up “boys have any names picked out?”

James was too dumbstruck to speak. He was having a SON. A boy. Someone to teach quidditch to, someone to buy his first broom for, someone to read stories about dragons to, someone who he could raise to be a better man than himself.

Severus grabbed James’s hand in his own, placing it on his still uncovered belly before answering Faith. “We have the prefect name picked out Harry James Potter. After dad and this guy’s own dad. We plan to call him Jamie or Henry or if dad doesn’t mind just Harry junior or just junior.”

Faith started to cry, “Harry is going to be so happy to hear this boys. He always wanted a son, but then we adopted you Severus, and he was so happy, but you wanting to name your own son after him will only make him happier. I don’t think he will care whatever form of the name you call your son will matter one bit to him. I think he’s simply going to enjoy being a grandpa, even though it’s early than he expected to be one.”

The doctor then came in stating the wanted to do a X ray to check his hips and pelvis, and some blood work. The man’s grey eyes stared at Severus, “Mr Potter how many injuries have you received over the years from others? I went through your file, and I am worried for you. That’s why I want to x Ray your hips. Broken wrist, three years old. Spiral fracture, impossible from falling out of a tree like your mother claimed. Dislocated shoulder five, fell off a swing set. Doubtful. Shattered left ankle bone six, fell down the stairs at home. Bull. Spinal fracture nine, your lucky Mr Potter you can still walk. Said to of fallen out of a tree.” 

Lily remembered the last one. Severus was on bed rest in that horrible house for a month! She had to bring him food, because his parents didn’t feed him enough! She listened to the rest. “Eleven fractured pelvis, your mother this time didn’t bother with stating what happened claimed simply found you on her steps screaming. Twelve dislocated shoulder, fractured elbow, broken wrist. Fell out of your window said to of been sitting with your feet hanging out, that’s the only believable on Mr Potter. Now did your parents abuse you? And are you away from those people?”

Severus snapped, “of course my parents abused me did you think I did those things to myself? That I got off on breaking my own bones? I told my primary school teacher! She did nothing! I told staff at the school where I go now, the head of my “house” and the headmaster himself! Nothing I tell you, they did nothing. Whatever your name is, I gave up telling people because it did nothing, not a God Damn thing! I am away from them only because my mother died, she was unwilling to leave the monster she was married to! And he refused to raise a freak by himself. So the Evans adopted me and then James and I got married this month because of the baby.”

The doctor shook his head and said “I wish the world would of done a better job protecting you Mr Potter, let’s get those test done and figure out what’s wrong now. If you choose to bring a criminal case against your former father I will help you.”

Severus snarled “it’s not worth the time do so, the world made it quite clear my childhood abuse does not matter to anyone. Beyond that I am happy leave the skeletons in the closet where they belong. I have good parents and a wonderful husband.” His eyes flicking towards Faith and James grasped his hand harder.

Lily thought to herself it mattered to me Severus that monster of a man will never lay a hand on you or anyone again, he’s the worst kind of muggle, the kind that deserved to die.

************************

Severus was laying in a white hospital bed upstairs, unable to sleep. He would be home after Christmas they said, his pelvis on both sides had been broken during childhood and not healed properly that explained his pain. His fever was caused by a unrelated infection. He was to get antibiotics for said infection, stay off his feet as much as possible during the pregnancy and would need at least two surgeries (one on each side) once their son was born. James snores away in the pea green canvas armchair near the window. Lily and Faith were at home hopefully sleeping in their own beds. 

James on the other hand insisted on staying. The uncomfortable hospital bed, lights on in the hall still visible through the curtains, beeping machines, and red and green lights from said machines kept him awake. At least he was in a private room. The room smelled sterile, but also like sickness. Merry Christmas he thought. Merry Christmas to him. Actually happy Christmas Eve, tomorrow was Christmas Day.

The baby was Harry now, now that they knew his gender, the silly name sprog was a thing of the past. Severus smiled thinking of the idea of his baby who would be dressed in various colors, and not all them would be blue. It was not going to easy to bring the baby into the world, but it would be worth it. He would go home with a wheelchair for anytime he would have to walk more than a few steps, to take pressure off his pelvis, which was weak from the old breaks, and the fact that they were exactly wide enough to support the pregnancy weight. 

They had him on a low grade pain medication, so the pain wasn’t keeping him awake at least. He sighed loudly. He wasn’t going back to Hogwarts after the break. He couldn’t walk very far, he didn’t think he would be able to handle the course load, and the stairs. Yes it was best to try, and do the work from the comfort of his own bed in the Evans home. He knew that James likely was going to have to go back to Hogwarts for the first time since they were eleven they would be separated through the school year. Neither boy was going to happy about that. 

He heard the door open, a flash of bright light, and then the door was shut again. The nurse he assumed said, “hi dearie I am Susan just gotta check your blood pressure and temperature, then you can go back to sleep.”

Severus shook his head and said, “I haven’t been able to sleep anyway.” 

“Sorry hun, anything I can do to make you more comfortable?” As she put the cuff on his arm and stuck a thermometer under his tongue. When it beeped she removed it. “Still on the high side hun, going to tell the doctor. Anything you want me to get for you?”

Severus said “water, another blanket and maybe another pillow?” He winced at that comment assuming he was asking for too much. Susan laid her small soft hand on his hand on top the hospital blanket that covered him. “It’s part of my job to get you what you need Mrs Potter, and to take care of you.”

Severus groaned “the please refer to me as Mr Potter or Severus.” He rolled his black eyes, life never got easier, sweet people didn’t always know how to interact with people like him. That was one thing that at least in his case the wizarding world was equal on. People like Sirius Black were another story, however muggles wouldn’t know what to make of someone like him. It was impossible for someone like Sirius to exist in the muggle world. 

“I apologize Mr Potter, or do you prefer Severus?” Said the nurse. “And I will get those things for you, and tell the doctor about your still high temperature.”

A few minutes later Severus was covered with the blanket, the pillow was put on top of his other, and he was handed the cup of water with a lid on it. He drank quite a bit of it and set it aside. He tried to go to sleep, trying to tune out all the things that were keeping him awake. 

************************

  
Someone calling Severus’s name softly woke both young men up. Faith was sitting on Severus’s hospital bed. He blinked quickly rubbing his black eyes, trying to remove the sleep from them. His mum says to him “sweetie the doctor is here to see.”

He felt like he was soaked in sweat, he shoved off the blankets and sat up. “Yes?” He says “Any news of what’s going on?” 

A man dressed in a white lab coat with salt and pepper hair looked down at Severus. “Son your fever broke early this morning which is good news, and you might be able to go home on Christmas Day, though you will of course have to use the wheelchair, and try to stay off your feet. You will also have to continue on a pill version of the antibiotic once you go home. You also have to follow up with a OBGYN, for both your own health and the health of your son.”

Severus nodded, smiling, and said: “thank you, can I have some breakfast?” Finally, he was actually hungry, nausea no longer feeling like a heavy blanket choking him. The infection was likely the cause of it, not the pregnancy. Or even the pain itself. 

************************

It was Christmas Day, something which for the last few years had been Severus’s favorite day. His parents could never afford much, but they tried their best. It wasn’t the presents that brought Severus joy, but being surrounded by people who truly cared for him.

Petunia and him much to her anger were forced to switch bedrooms (hers being the only one on the first floor), she huffed and puffed, but gave in. She might not like the boy who her parents now called her brother, but he was a sorry welp in a sorry situation.

He was sixteen, pregnant, married, and at least for now handicapped. Soon she and Vernon would be getting married anyway, she would leave her childhood home, and the smell of the wretched river in her past. She never understood why Lily liked the river shore but never did she understand what she saw in the boy who was far more a freak than Lily ever would be. Snape was no better than Eileen Snape had been, tied to a worthless man, and heavily pregnant with a child they couldn’t likely afford. 

Petunia did not understand how much money the Potters had. She got bits and pieces of it like Severus’s gift previous years ago, the coat, Lily’s gown for the ball, but to her there was no way wizards could have more money than her precious Vernon. Or at least not what she was willing to think about. Even with the fighting both James and Severus had easy access to Potter money, the parents surely were not going to leave the young couple destitute, which was too muggle in their opinion. No, they would simply not help the boys find jobs when they graduated, and as odd as it may sound that would impact the young men’s future. Who and what you were mattered in the wizarding world.

Severus pushed his wheelchair into the kitchen asking Faith if she needed any help. 

“Sweetie you should rest” she said as she chopped the potatoes.

”Mum I am bored to tears, please let me help, cooking isn’t that much different than potions. If I have to watch another Christmas movie I am going to loose my mind. Or have James or Regulus ask another stupid question of how the TV works.” The last part being said under his breath afraid his husband man hear him. 

She sighed wiping her forehead and then wringing out her small hands. “Fine”, she muttered, “you can cut the carrots, and whatever else I decide needs cutting.” Faith sat him up at the dining room table and went back to her own meal prep. In the other room Harry sat in armchair drifting into sleep, he looked so worn down. Having worked Christmas Eve. 

Lily was cuddling with Regulus Black, his parents after his brother choose to move in with the Potters of all people, their parents choose to visit France for the holiday. Regulus insisted on staying behind with his “house-elf?” Faith believed he said. But he wanted to spend the holiday with Lily and that means spending it with her parents, and siblings. 

Regulus to her was an odd boy. Odder than even James, though quite similar in some aspects to Severus, but clearly came from money like James did. He was respectful, though quiet. Something didn’t sit right with her, about him. Like he thought he was above them. She shook it off, maybe she just needed to give him a chance.

Vernon upon the first meeting made her want to scream, but Petunia clearly cared for him. And what made her daughter happy mattered more than who she would pick. She just needed to give Regulus time to get used to them, he was from a totally wizarding family after all. 

James was well in her opinion a prat. But he clearly loved Severus and that was what mattered. He was still clearly a spoiled if she did say so herself parenthood was going to hit that boy like a ton of bricks. Severus was clearly adapted to taking care of himself, he survived with the lack of parenting from Eileen and Tobias, he would do fine by their son. James on the other hand needed to grow up quite a bit. But what did she know? She just raised now nearly three children and basically raised her brother Charlie. 

Time would only tell what would happen, and no matter what she would be there for Severus and little Harry. That name still made her heart feel wonderful anytime she thought of it. She and Harry were his parents in all that mattered. Even as he was becoming a parent in his own right. She walked over and rubbed her own son’s back. Everything that was supposed to be cut up was done with precision.

She said to him “you know Sev with those knife skills you could be a chef.” Regretting the words as soon as they were out of her mouth. Surely her son would want a wizarding job at the very least to distance himself from his biological parents, his muggle roots and the stinky little town of Cokeworth. She hopes that it’s not a hope to distance himself from his adopted parents.

He turns to look at her, with a small smile on his face, reaching for her hand. “You could say I want to be a wizarding version of one of sorts, I hope to be a Potion’s master. It’s like cooking, but my interest actually is in medicines or as they think of it healing.”

“You want to help people then sweetheart?” She asks. 

“Yes.... like my mother, and even myself. Spells can only do so much, potions have far greater room to evolve and change with research. I even may have made my potions book slightly better” he says blushing a tomato red.

”what do mean by better?” She asks.

He says “I will show you after dinner and presents.” And he smiles at her it reached his eyes, which is so uncommon for him. Severus tends to always hold a piece of himself back. As if he’s always got some sort of shield up. Maybe to protect himself from his past, but it also Isolates him from those who may care about him. Talking about one of his passions, Potions, or his son, pulled down those walls it seems.

She was curious how he made his book “better” and thinking for a second he might make a good teacher if he did not treat his students horribly or hold grudges. Though for better worse he was her son, and Severus was likely to do both. Maybe if he waited until those who knew him weren’t at the school anymore. But then he would have to teach his bully’s children one day. No her son was likely best to have his small business and maybe write books to help others teach. That was likely the best option.

Once dinner prep was done they joined the others in the small living room. The tree was decorated with things everyone else did simple ribbons of red and gold, ornaments that shined in the firelight of red and gold, but some her mother in law had painted, some from Charlie’s trips, some from her and Harry’s trips around England and Ireland in their younger years. Magical things she found in Diagon Alley. Little things that made it clear each member of the family was family.

Charlie would be visiting later, he and his partner put on a small holiday party for the youth they worked with, which took up most of their day. They would be by later for family time as they called it. Petunia and Vernon would likely be gone to his family’s house before then her daughter was ashamed of not only where she came from, but her own family.

She had overheard her daughter telling her fiancé that Severus was the poor freaky girl they adopted. That James was just said girl’s freak of a husband who was going to live off the dole just like Severus’s biological parents did. Her daughter trying to mock her adopted brother, and make it clear she was not like him. 

It pissed Faith off to no end. Harry told her to shut it, uncharacteristically speaking up, and not simply tolerating Petunia’s poor behavior. That girl had issues, and her future husband looked like a whale. But there was no talking Petunia out of her opinions or choices. She inherited Faith's stubborn nature. That was likely why Severus joined her with the task of cooking, being made uncomfortable by the girl who was his adopted sister, or as Faith and Harry thought simply his sister. 

Faith saw so much of her own mother in Petunia, and it bugged the shit out of her. Her daughter for better or worse was a judgmental part. She could no longer ground the nineteen-year-old or spank her. She was far too old for such things, and if she rocked the boat too much she would send her eldest child straight into the arms of the whale. She knew it was likely jealousy.

Jealousy of Lily because of her magic, jealousy of Severus because the family chose to adopt him, love him, care for him. Jealousy his child would be magically. Jealousy of James and Regulus because they both clearly came from money.

Jealousy that both Severus and Lily were with wealthy handsome boys, and she a whale of a man with a job not that different than her own father. She hoped for future grandchildren from Petunia that they were not magical like their aunt, because the last thing a child needed was a parent who was jealous of them. 

Thinking back to her own mother’s treatment of her and Charlie. Her because she was a beautiful young woman. Charlie because he was talented at playing the piano, but most of all because they both got away from their father and the horrible abuse he did put the family through. Faith’s father was not unlike Tobias Snape and Faith’s mother not unlike Eileen Snape.

Envious of her children and allowing it to ruin her, and her family. Both women could have easily left their abusive husbands, but choose to stay with them. Faith had not a drop of sympathy for either woman. They choose their bed, and then they’d choose not to leave it. Same as her own daughter Petunia like her grandmother before her prison would be that of her own making. 

Not that Faith spoke one word of that as she passed out presents, she pushed aside those thoughts and began to pass out presents. Holidays were happy times not times to think of family failures or future family failures. Petunia was still her daughter, just as Lily and just as Severus was her son, she would be there for all her children and her future grandchildren. As long as they wanted her to be. 

Severus sat on the couch with James, Regulus, and Lily. Faith after passing out presents went to sit in her armchair by the fire. James kissed Severus’s cheek saying in a whisper in his ear “I love you Sev more than anything.”

Severus took his hand, rubbing his thumb over one of his husband’s tan hands. He said, “you know I love you more than anything as well.” He placed James’s and his own hand on his belly, “well and Harry” who gave a decent size kick. 

James shouted “I felt that! I can feel him.” His hazel eyes bright, an ear-splitting grin on his face. They sat there like that, ignoring their presence, enjoying their son’s kicks. Lily asked, “can I feel?”

Severus nodded, James sighed removing his hand. Lily’s freckled small hand rested on Severus’s belly. She then felt the small kick. “Gosh that feels weird,” she said.

“Weirder when it’s inside of you, but yeah it is, but it also lets others feel what I have. I have been feeling his movements for a week or two,” Said Severus. “I was told because of how thin I am I would feel him sooner, and so would others.” He smiled, at her and then to James. 

James places Severus’s presents on his lap. Green, red, blue and gold wrapping paper and ribbons. His nibble pale fingers opened the presents. He smiles at the books from Regulus, potions, and charms were what they were mostly on. 

“Thank you Regulus” the Black boy smiled, their distance was quite great from the friendship they had established over the years. They may not be bonded the way they were, but Regulus’s slight distance from his family over the holidays did help some.

What bugged Severus was that he couldn’t put his finger on which side Regulus had chosen, but the same went with Lily. They both were grey. No difference than Severus himself. He would happily let the world burn to save those he loved, James was not that type. He would actively choose the “right” side over the protection of his family. It was a Gryffindor behavior to follow what was right, not what would protect those they cared for. 

Slytherins on the other hand, such a small Severus, Regulus, and even Lily would save their own necks and the necks of those they loved over the world. 

Lily opened the present from Regulus. She made an odd sound and started to cry. It was a soft velvet black box, that looked to hold a ring. 

Reg said to her “open it, love, you don’t even know what it is, yet.” He rubbed her arm and then kissed the top of her head. She opened the box. When she looked down, she kissed him. In front of everyone. “Thank Regulus, I just love it.”

He said “it’s a promise ring of sorts, I hope next year I can ask you to marry me.”

Faith’s eyes went wide, next year her daughter would be seventeen, turning eighteen, but Regulus would be sixteen turning seventeen. Her daughter would likely be married a year or so out of Hogwarts. She pinched her lips and said nothing. Not her choice, not choice. Not her life. 

Regulus slipped the silver ring with the single emerald on her ring finger. He kissed her hand, and she’s hugged him. 

Severus quickly opened the rest of his presents, clothing from his parents, and for the baby, James got his a wonderful black wool cloak, that was silk lined with a rabbit fur collar. It was so warm, so wizarding, so magically, so Severus, with the green silk, and sliver like rabbit fur. 

They were done with presents and made their way to Thebes the dining room table. Charlie called saying he would be there soon. That was Petunia’s and Vernon’s cue to leave of sorts. And that is what they did. Faith and Harry didn’t even bother mentioning their frustration at their actions. 

************************

James Potter felt odd sitting at a muggle table at Christmas. He was surrounded by people besides his husband and classmates he barely knew. Faith was rather unlike his mother she was talkative, she had a bright spirit, though she mostly kept her opinions on things locked up. Regulus Black was odd, why was the pureblood wizard from what Sirius had said anti muggle, laughing at jokes told by Charlie, and talking to Harry about his job?

Severus was the oddest to him though. The boy flipped from muggle to wizarding conversations like he was from both worlds. In a way he was. His mother educated him on what it meant to be magically, and simply by growing up in the muggle world he knew how to be a muggle. Surely the curse that came from being the son of a pureblood and a muggle has skipped over Severus. He understood both equally. For whatever reason James had yet to understand. 

Remus on the other hand claimed he fit into neither world. But that could be his status as a werewolf. Or it could be the boy had grown up in the wizarding world, with a muggle mother. Severus wasn’t without scars from his childhood, but a lack of understanding of the world around him was not one of them. 

Harry spoke to James “so son once you graduate how is it do you plan to support your family?”

James stared at his plate of roast and spoke, “I plan to become an Auror. I don’t know their muggle counterpart, but it’s to lock up bad people, stop crime, and do the right thing.”

Regulus to a sip of his tea and spoke “the muggle counterpart is police officer”. His girlfriend and classmates stared at him, wondering how he knew the term, while his fellow pureblood wanted him to explain what he meant by “police officer”. To the muggles, well they were more shocked James didn’t know the term. 

Regulus added “what? I did pay attention in muggle studies, my goal is to work for the ministry, I don’t want to work directly with muggles, but I may have to interact with them one day. And it’s best to understand them.”

James snarled “well I thought your family’s plan was just to kill them all off.”

Faith was quite angry, Howe dare James claim such a thing about the man who Lily wanted to marry. 

Lily snarled “Potter you don’t know a damn thing about Regulus! Your just a spoiled pureblood prat! If Severus didn’t see something in you? You wouldn’t even be here. Sometimes I wonder what it is he even see in you.”

Severus sighed head in his hands as he shouts “Lily stop, it’s Christmas. James stop being a prat, stop smirking, I know you are. Regulus isn’t like his parents, anymore than Sirius is, he’s just not stupid enough to piss them off and get kicked out. Regulus wants to marry Lily, and she’s a muggleborn, I doubt he hates them with that being the case.”

He sat up ignoring his husband and first friend. He wanted to bang both their stupid childlike heads together. He wanted to smack the smirk of Regulus’s face, he was looking a little too much like Sirius at the moment and it made Severus uncomfortable. “No more talk about muggles or magic this evening. You can’t act like the adults you claim you are, then you lose the right to talk about such things.” 

Severus scrapped his half eaten food into the bin, he says “when your done mum, I will show you my potions book. I want to listen to music am not around people at the moment. Considering they can’t act like adults even though one is going to be a father in less than six months.” He meant for it to be a snarky jab at James and hoped it made his husband a tiny bit upset. They were going to have a baby, a son and the man still acted like a child.

He turned on his tape deck and ignored the rest of the people in the house, while he sat in the living room. This was why teenagers had no business having children, many were still children themselves. Severus ignoring his own childlike behavior at the moment. Drowning his thoughts out with David Bowie. Flipping through his new books from Regulus. He had the right to be a bit of a jerk, he wasn’t feeling well, and hormones. His body was also changing in ways, which made him very uncomfortable. 

He tried not to think about the way his hips swelled, the softness his face seemed to gain, his limbs which long muscular spider-like were now soft, his hips the way they softened, his chest he wouldn’t dare think about madam Pomfrey promised they wouldn’t get that big, they wouldn’t change that much, but her definition of big and change that much were far different than his, his belly would never be the same, now littered with small white and red stretch marks. When his son was born it go back to the flat and thin frame he once had, but surely pregnancy would leave scars the stretch marks for one, but surely something which swelled with child would never go back to his former concave stomach. 

He never was muscular there, he wasn’t a Quidditch player like James, Sirius or even Regulus, but he had always been ever so slightly underweight. Ever so slightly thin. His form of masculinity was thin, lanky, boy-like. And that was fine with him.

His body, mind, and soul would be forever different once little Harry was born. He wanted so desperately to be okay with that, but it was a struggle on its own. It’s his own form of pain, to change, and know his body would never be the same again. 

When Faith was done with her dinner, the dishes being done by the odd trio of James, Lily and Regulus. Charlie and partner gone to enjoy the rest of the holiday alone in their own apartment, Harry in his workshop, unlikely getting much work done, more likely enjoying the cigars his brother in law bought him, Faith snapped Severus out of his own useless though painful thoughts by placing his potion’s book in his lap. 

She said in her soft quiet mothering tone “mind showing what you meant by the changes you made to this book? I am curious.” When he didn’t respond she stroked his pale foot that was not covered by the flannel blanket he was under as he laid curled up on the couch trying to read and listen to music. That is what snapped her only son from his thoughts. 

He shut off the blaring music, that blocked out all sound, setting the Walkman aside. He marked the page in one of his new books. Not really having made much progress in comprehending what he was trying to read, likely at a later date having to read it again. 

He sat up, his joints popping as he did so, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders and explained the halfblood Prince’s book to his mum, as he leaned into her soft side. Smelling her Lily of the valley perfume as he did so. He was home. With her comfort and safety surrounding him, even if his husband sometimes was a toe rag.

His adopted older sister could be a bit of a bitch, and Lily and Regulus seemed to be hiding that they were heading to the dark side. None of that matter in this moment. All that mattered was Severus felt the love that only a mother could give, and she seemed to really care about what he enjoyed even if she barely understood the subject.

*******************

Severus sat on the couch his books in his lap, and flipping through the pages, taking notes. James sat on the loveseat doing the same thing. He sighed at Severus, “do we have to do this all day?” Severus could not go back Hogwarts the stairs were the biggest reason, his housemates another, not having the ability to rest on his bad days another, and Dumbledore while he made it clear newly Mr Potter was welcome back if he chooses to return it was best to wait until after his son was born, though that was even questionable in itself.

The best option was to continue in-home private study and then getting a job after he graduated. Hogwarts was not the best place for teenage parents to try to attend school and raise their children. 

James had refused to attend Hogwarts without Severus, insisting his husband needed his help, and to a point that was true. So Professors who were willing to work with the two young men outside of classes were doing so. James’s still took Potions, while Severus had already taken that written NEWT, and would do the practical after the birth of their son. Other classes, he wanted to study more before taking his NEWTS in a way Severus realized he may graduate before even James. 

James was doing his practicals when the professors visited the two boys. Lily was at Hogwarts much James’s pleasure, while Severus missed his sister who was his first friend. 

Severus answered James’s question “we should do this all day” he snapped. “But we could also take a break if you’re willing to push me outside in the yard. I can’t seem to push myself through the grass”.

James nodded, but said “I miss flying”.

Severus’s answer was “you could go back to Hogwarts”. 

James answered “you know why I shouldn’t.”

Severus sighed “that’s true, but I am still of the opinion it might have been worth it for you to at least attend Hogwarts part time”. 

James simply shook his head, and helped Severus into the yard. Severus was doing okay, better than he had over Christmas, the infection was gone, the wheelchair helped with his hips and pelvis, but he still needed surgeries after the birth of their son. He still struggled with well life. Harry and Faith both worked during the day, Petunia had married Vernon quietly (not inviting her family), and was now living with him. Lily was at Hogwarts, the Potter parents and them were back on speaking terms, but surely not to what it once was.

If James went back to Hogwarts even part-time Severus would be spending most of his day alone. What if something were to happen? Surely his husband wouldn’t want to spend nine to ten hours a day alone?

Truth was James couldn’t see Severus enjoyed being alone. He enjoyed the quiet, the peace. He didn’t have the heart though to tell his husband that, so they were at an impasse. And that wasn’t fine. They both would finish Hogwarts on time or in Severus’s case early, and then once they were seventeen they would hire a real baby sitter or maybe James would inherit his own former house-elf caretaker Nana.

And she would watch their son while they worked. Within a few years Harry would head off to preschool (likely wizarding) and then it would no longer be a worry about who was watching their son while James went through Auror training, and Severus worked on his mastery in potions. 

It was March the snow had long since melted, but it didn’t really feel like spring either to Severus. The leaves were still off the trees and there was not much new growth. The air still had a slight chill to it. 

James sat on the mostly dead grass, Severus’s black eyes were shut, the wind catching his collar bone length hair and tousling it. The younger of the two stared at his husband. Severus seemed content here at Evans’s, unlike he didn’t at Hogwarts or the Potters, and that made James happy, maybe when the time graduated they would try to find a house near here. It was a muggle, but he would do anything to make Sev feel content. And that seemed to be in the muggle area.

The truth wasn’t that tough, Severus was comfortable here because it was his home not because it was muggle. James tended to assume things, Severus wanted to live in a wizarding village where he could use magic openly, the could aparate or floo to visit his family, it wasn’t that hard to do. 

They had far to go to make their marriage work, and they would get there with time. 


	5. Chapter 5

Severus screamed, a gut-wrenching sound. It felt like daggers being shoved into James's heart. His husband was laying in their bed. A squib and Mediwitch team was the one helping him through birth. It was what Severus had wanted. He kept refusing pain medication of any kind of magic or muggle. It had, the labor was going on for twelve hours, and it wasn’t likely to end anytime soon.

Lily sat at his side, gripping his long pale fingers in her small one, James was on the other side, Faith sat on a stool a few feet away. Harry was in the living room or at that was where he was the last time James saw him. 

Faith ushered him out of the room, saying he looked green and needed some air. He tried to argue and her answer was “this isn’t going to be over anytime soon, take a break, get a drink get some air, he needs you later through the actual hard part”.

James was shocked and questioned, “this isn’t the hard part?” Eyebrows raised. 

“This is just the beginning, it will get worse before it gets better.” Said Faith. “Now go.” 

James did as he was told. 

Severus saw something dark on Lily’s left arm, peeking out from the sleeve of her sweater. He hissed. Pushing the sleeve up even in his pain he knew what he was likely to find, and it was heartbreaking far more than any pain could be. On her freckled pale skin standing in dark contrast laid the skull and snake, any wizard or witch in Britain knew what it meant, Lily Evans a muggleborn witch was a death eater. 

He wanted to shove her away, to scream, to yell, to hit the girl who was his sister in all, but blood. Instead, Severus only said “if you value your life don’t let my husband or his friends see that. And Lily do your best to stay safe, you have invited monsters into your life, who will see no problem with killing you.” He turned away from her after he said that.

She said nothing, but sighed and started to cry. Words had no place in a situation like theirs, they had reason to be spoken she had made her choice and he made his. Her mother had thankfully fallen asleep on her stool, the mediwitch wasn’t in the room, the squib was in the restroom. No one but Severus knew her secret, and his reaction planted a seed of something that would grow in years to come.

Severus Potter was all that in a different world Lily soon to be Black may have been, but he was slightly different he had lost so much in his life, no matter her choices he would not lose his best friend and sister because of the side she was on. 

She could, however, lose him for her actions though, if she harmed the rest of the family, or his son and husband. They would always come first to him. Lily bolted from the room leaving Severus in his green flannel nightshirt, with their sleeping mother and his thoughts. Lily went outside to smoke her bad habit, cigarettes like Harry, her father. She hated the mark on her arm, hated how it both distanced her from those she loved and pulled her in. When she and Regulus married it would all be worth it. Severus always go what he wanted, she had to work for it he would never understand. 

Severus rested his pale hand onto his rounded belly, it was hard as a rock, swollen with his son, who it seemed didn’t want to leave the protection and safety staying inside his father gave him.

He whispered to his son “I guess it’s just you, me, and your daddy Harry. We all have to grow up, and sometimes we also grow apart. Lily’s still going to be your God Mother, if something happens to those of us on our side, maybe she’s can protect you on the other. I swear she’s a good person, she’s just made some bad choices. Everyone has to pick a side, my son, even if I wish we did not have to.

************************

Six hours later Severus was pushing, James kissed his husband’s sweat-soaked hair. He didn’t know if he could handle this, the pain Severus must feel, the way his black eyes seemed glazed over from it. And yet those older female people around Severus would be all worth it when he held his son for the first time. 

“He’s crowning”, said the mediwitch, “it almost over, just a few more pushes and you can meet your son”. 

Severus collapsed onto the pillows, he cried out “I can’t do this! I can’t do this! I am so tired, I just can’t push anymore!” Tears streaked his pale cheeks. His black eyes wide and bloodshot with fear and pain. His pale limbs shaking, blankets long since tossed to the side. Severus begged to be covered mostly by a sheet along with his now grey nightshirt after the green got too sweaty. 

Faith pushed Lily aside, Severus needed to hear from someone who had actually done this before. “Severus Alexander Evans Potter, your son needs you and only you to bring him into this world. This is the hardest thing you will ever do, but you can’t protect him from the world anymore. You cannot protect yourself from the pain, you have to allow, you have to face this head-on or you will take both of you to heaven or hell. My son do it for your son, just as everyone else has done for all those who have come before you.”

Severus stared at Faith her motherly face, her eyes that had always been filled with love, he latched onto her hand and James’s, and he pushed. Screams tore from his raw throat. And what was minutes, but felt like hours the mediwitch laid on his chest a little baby boy on his chest. James cut the cord, and Harry cleaned. 

The screams of Harry James Potter filled the room. Ten fingers, ten toes, jet black wild hair, pale skin, and eyes that were so dark blue they were clearly going to go Prince black. The young teenage parents marveled over their son. He was perfect in every way shape and form. 

Severus whispered to his son “welcome to the world my sweet boy”. Severus would die for his son and kill for him. His son was now that made him want to live. His son was the most important thing in his life. Harry was everything. 

James held their son after he was wrapped in a soft yellow baby blanket. “Harry James Potter, you are the most wonderful, most perfect thing in the world.” 

Severus insisted he be the one to feed his son, even though his very bones throbbed. Harry was held by his “birth father” for lack of a better term, and James supported Severus in the sitting position that made it easier to feed their son. James was taught to burp him by Faith when the newborn was finished. The sheets were changed and Severus slept on like the dead.

His hand however reached out for his son. As if he was desperate even in sleep to know where his son was. He was going to be a helicopter parent it seemed. So unlike his own birth parents. 

The sun was rising when James laid their son in his bassinet by their bed. He joined Severus in bed and tried desperately to get some sleep. Harry surely would wake within hours to be fed again. He was a good newborn and let his parents sleep for three hours. 

Severus woke up to his soft cries, forgetting his wheelchair in his sleep-deprived mind, limping to the kitchen to fix his son’s bottle. Forgetting that the baby was likely to wake James’s with his cries. 

He did. 

James brought Harry to the dining room and waited for Severus to finish. Cooing at him saying “daddy is making it love, give him a few minutes”.

When Severus joined them, James said: “you should have woke me I don’t mind helping.”

“One of us should sleep, he’s surely not going to sleep through the night any time soon” snapped Severus. The last day visible in his frustration at his husband. The fact he shouldn’t even be walking around clearly visible if you looked at his shaking thin legs and the way with every step it caused him to hiss. 

James snapped “well go back to bed, I got it. You brought him into the world allow me to do some of the work. You shouldn’t even be walking. You just gave birth!”

Severus snarled “Mind your own business, give him to me, go back to sleep James. I am his mother.”

”Mother is it now? After nine months of insisting you were his father?”

Faith stood in the dining room. Hands-on her hips. “Stop snipping at each other like a child. You have a child. Instead of snipping someone feed him, anyone, and then go back to bed. Severus should walk now with the weight off his hips. James Severus likely didn’t think about what he was doing your both functioning on autopilot. But Severus snarling at your husband doesn’t help any situation even if you are right, or tired.”

Severus handed James the bottle and sat down, with a huff. 

Harry was fed, and the parents and baby went back to bed and to sleep.

Faith sighed loudly “God help, they are as different as night and day.” Though sometimes she didn’t realize night and day are the best pairing. Sometimes a couple must be different to understand one another. 

************************

Severus was dressed a black suit as was James, their son was being Christened. Harry was dressed in a white nightshirt. To anyone who knew Severus, he looked odd his hair was tied back with a plain silver clip. It was longer than it had ever been, past his collar bones. His fingers scrubbed clean, not a potion stain in sight. 

He would not dare admit, but the pregnancy had done him some good. His skin healthier, lacking the pallor it usually had. His hair silky, though not greasy. He filled out, his spine no longer visible when his shirt was thin. He would forever be thin, but he was no longer all sharp angles.

Remus and Lily were to be the boy’s Godparents. Lily was dressed in a long-sleeved purple knee-length dress. She was following Severus’s request to keep her mark secret from others. Her red hair was done in Riotous of curls. Her green eyes sad but bright. 

Remus Lupin was dressed in a navy blue suit. His hair cropped short, and scarred face bright. He was the perfect godfather for their son, he adored his friends, and he got along well with Lily, though that’s would likely change if someone’s saw her mark, who would say something. 

Severus held his son closely to his chest. The baby drooled on his suit jacket. As expected Harry’s baby blue eyes quickly turned black like his dad. His face and nose, however, was clearly James. His black hair was a cross between theirs. Straight like Severus, but thicker like James’s. 

James wrapped his strong steady arm around his husband as the pastor spoke. He kissed the shorter man’s forehead. James’s curls/waves were just barely tamed. Faith had insisted on trying some muggle product, though truth be told she had honestly only made it worse. Not that James minded it was just hair. Severus kept his mouth shut, it was just part of who his husband was. 

The man blessed their son and told the room that Lily and Remus were Harry’s godparents. James kissed Severus’s cheek, who blushed a dark shade of red. They walked out of the church hand in hand as Severus carried their son. The others followed. Regulus caught up with Lily and Remus with Sirius. The two couples quickly paired off. Much to everyone involved shock Severus suggested the six go out to dinner together.

It would be the first time Sirius and Regulus would be dealing with each other in months. The brothers had tried their best to ignore each other, but that would not be possible when they were sitting across from each other at dinner.

They reached a muggle restaurant two shorts blocks away from the church with easy. Lily was the only one with enough comfort in the muggle restaurant to request a table and all of that. Three young purebloods and a half-blood whose biological parents didn’t have enough money to take him out to eat ever. Lily couldn’t understand why Severus had suggested this restaurant, most of those going out with them would have been far more comfortable in a wizarding restaurant, but it was what her friend had wanted and James just went along with it.

They were led to a large table at the back of the restaurant. The two male couples sitting next to each other, so that left Lily next to Severus and Regulus next to Remus. She smiled at her now fiancé who had proposed a few days ago. He was only sixteen and her seventeen, but they would be married after he turned seventeen, legal age in wizarding Britain for marriage at least.

She did not regret the choices that led her to this moment they would all be worth it when she was the wife of Regulus Black. When she was Mrs. Black, even if she was just a Mudblood from Cokeworth. Not that Regulus saw her like that, but for sure others did. His mother did, Orion his father well the man never stated his opinions on anything, at least with her around. His two cousins that had not been disowned were not keen on her, now that the “little mouse” was a death eater she could no longer be used to gain leverage or standing within the inner circle of death eaters.

Lucius was another story, but Lily did not appreciate his interest in her. It was not for G rated reasons, even if she clearly only had eyes for Regulus.

They ordered their food without trouble it was a quaint little diner. Severus stood to bounce his newborn in his arms. The small child’s face was wrinkled, but he did not let out any cries.

Severus seemed far more comfortable as a parent than Lily ever imagined he would be. He rather shockingly was a good nurturer, it seemed so unsuited to his personality. At best of times her brother was an introvert, at worst he was sullen. Nothing would ever change either fact.

Besides, it seemed his own child. He wasn’t too keen on handing over baby Harry to that many people besides James. She had only held her Godson three times in the last week, and she lived with the young couple. He did allow their mother Faith to hold baby Harry, and who the newborn was named after their father. 

Harry Sr as their mother jokingly now called him, was extremely proud of his grandson. He was proud of the small newborn who carried his name and even prouder that his adopted son wanted to name his own son after him.

Long ago Harry had given up on sons, and when they adopted Severus it had brightened his world. He loved his daughters more than life itself, but he would always understand his son, his quiet Severus just a little more than his talkative daughters, who were very much like their mother. Severus and Harry could both go about their business in the same room, and never speak a word to each other. Both men thrived in the quiet and enjoyed knowing someone was there, but not having the need to share words like the women of the family did. 

Severus sat back down when their food arrived. He didn’t want to hand his son over to someone else even for a few minutes. His son was sleeping cuddled in his left shoulder. He eats his lunch using his right hand. The others dug in without thought. You could hear a pin drop at the table, no one was speaking to one another. 

He coughed, trying to get someone anyone to say something. They all said nothing. He dropped his fork with a clank and said “if everyone is finished and no one wants to speak to one another I have a baby to feed and put down for a nap. I don’t have time for your childish bullshit.”

James and Lily both huffed at him. He gave both of them a stern look so neither started to blame the other party. 

The couples left in pairs, the Potter family was actually a trio though if you counted baby Harry. Who was now napping on James’s shoulder. 

************************

A year later. 

It had been a long year for the young parents they had struggled both as students and as parents. They, however, made it through. They hired Nana James's childhood house-elf nurse to take care of Harry on Severus forcing the issue they needed help but the elf also deserved to be paid. Nana took it, but James also knew the house-elf mostly spent it on baby Harry. What Severus didn’t understand about pureblood culture didn’t hurt him. It was odd to James that a Slytherin did not understand house-elves lived to serve, that they enjoyed it. 

When he, however, brought it up earlier to husband he got a snarky answer of “my mother was treated like a house-elf by my father and punished like one too”.

James had tried to explain they rarely punished Nana, and if they did it was sending her to her room like a child. That’s simply Severus more angry saying children should not be compared to house-elves. And grown house elves should not be compared to children. James simply let the subject drop as he had learned over the last year when Severus made up his mind you could not change it.

That’s why much to James’s displeasure the man was still friends with that death eater Lily Black. It didn’t matter if she was his sister, Sirius had disowned his own brother Regulus, who was now Lily’s husband.

He couldn’t even force the man to keep their son away from Lily. Severus said “cutting her out gave her nothing to fall back own once she changed her mind about the dark side. He would be here for his sister now, and when she and possibly even Regulus saw the error of their ways.

James simply clucked his tongue whenever his husband said that. But considering Severus was the one to push that make nice with his parents the Potters, James had you accept Severus just did not want loose people he cared about. Even if Mrs Potter drove him bonkers at times and Lily was dark.

James just accepted it and tried to move on. Lily never it seemed got her hands dirty, he had heard nothing about her joining on raids, and Regulus it seemed his goal to was to stay clean as he could, not unlike people like Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy. 

Their graduation robes were on, their shoes polished, their son with his grandmothers. Severus’s black hair was tied back, James’s as orderly as it could be. They walked into the great hall and took their seats. When their names were called their families cried. Harry babbled up a storm. Severus was going to become a potion’s master, James an Auror. 

Severus quickly retrieved their son from his adopted mother. James stood back and watched them. He smiled at them. You see this was all James had ever wanted his husband, his son, he was going to become an Auror, Potters tended to always get what they wanted, or so his father had told him all his life.

Severus was a broken slightly needy person, and James was still at times that spoiled little boy. They had come so far, but they still had so far to go. But the one thing they both could say was love always win. And that’s what mattered. 

************************

Four years later,

“a boy who lived,” said the headline. Severus was told last night Regulus and Lily had died trying to protect their son from the “dark lord” Severus didn’t feel comfortable saying his real name but hated the stupid one people came up with. So he simply followed what Lily and Regulus had called him, the dark lord. 

When their son was three months old after learning of prophecy that he fit perfectly into they turned traitor on the dark and became light. Rumor has it so did Narcissa Malfoy, though that could not be confirmed or denied. 

Orion Evan Black was now an orphan when he was barely even a year old. He would go to the care of his uncle Sirius, and his partner Remus. Severus would still be his Godfather though, he would still help care for the little boy that was the last living piece of Lily Black, his sister, his first and best friend.

The girl who's only importance to him got overtaken by his children and husband. He even had named Lily after his daughter. Who was three right now. She had some struggles with her milestones unfortunately so she half crawled half walked at his feet as he read the paper and drank his morning tea.

There were rumor that the reason Narcissa was turning to the light, and spying for them no longer against them was because of the fact that she and Lucius had a squib daughter, before Draco their son who was a wizard, even with clear proof one child was magical the dark lord had declared Laurel Malfoy a squib for some reason.

For whatever reason he was grateful Narcissa would spy for them if the Dark Lord came back not against them. Severus had more realistic things to worry about at the moment. He needed to get Harry ready for wizarding primary school, he wanted to give Lily a bath before he started on his potion’s work for the day, though he also needed help get things the “new” parents of Sirius and Remus would need. Those two men also needed some lessons in parenting as well. “Lily flower”, he called “time for your bath”. 

She said “no daddy, no bath”.

He pinched his nose and said, “but you stink flower, don’t you want to smell like flowers?” 

She giggled and held up her arms for him to pick her up. He was shirtless, something he loved to be in their home, or when they were swimming or anytime it wasn’t improper to be since his top surgery before Lily’s birth. Yes, he was scared, but he was also flat-chested. And that’s what mattered when it came to his chest to him. 

As he bathed Lily quickly he hummed to himself. When done he dressed her in a soft purple dress and tied her will black curly back with a matching ribbon. 

Then he sent Lily to Nana’s playroom/her room set up for the day. Which the house-elf greeted him politely and his daughter with joy. 

Then he got Harry ready and walked him to school. That night however he started to have odd dreams, dreams that simply started out that there was a child who needed his help. A few years later though, they would become clearer and help him find said child. A muggleborn like his sister Lily, but other gendered like himself and too late for the proper potion’s. 

He thought himself thought as he walked his son to school, not all is broken. Even on the worst day of his life he had his children, his godson, his husband they were all reasons to keep on living. Severus Alexander Evans Potter, did not have prefect life, but he was content, and he was happy. 

The end for now. 


End file.
